I have spoken of my love of Despair, Inc., the fine purveyors of Demotivators™. Well, they have created something very special for Valentine’s Day: BitterSweets® “The candy for the rest of us”.
We’ve all seen (and, unfortunately tasted) those Necco Wafer heart candies with little messages on them like “I luv U” and “U Sweet”. Well, Despair is never one to suck on the teet of sentimentality*: “When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods. And now, Despair Inc. is pleased to announce that we've combined BOTH into a radical new offering.”
They come in three different varieties (Dumped, Dejected, and Dysfunctional) in six different flavors (Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Nappy-Citric, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Antacid).
"Dejected" sayings include:
I MISS MY EX - PEAKED AT 17 - MAIL ORDER - TABLE FOR 1
I CRY ON Q - U C MY BLOG? - LOSS LEADER - A FINE WHINE
MOMMY ISSUES - DIGNITY FREE - DORK MAGNET - PURE NAUSEA
WE HAD PLANS - MAIL ORDER - SETTLE 4LESS - I'M HOT INSIDE
"Dysfunctional" sayings include:
ANNULMENT - I BEEN CREEPIN - HE CAN LISTEN - GAME ON TV
CALL A 900# - P.S. I LUV ME - DO MY DISHES - BOOTY INFL8N
PAROLE IS UP! - AWFUL INLAWS - SUB PRIME - I WANT HALF
RETURN 2 PIT - NO FIX 4 DUMB - RATHER DRINK - MUTUAL DISGUST
"Dumped" sayings include:
I GOT SOBER - HE FIT U FAT - U LEFT SEATUP - USED U 4 FUN
JUST A FRIEND - BACK 2 KENNEL - DORKA PHOBIC - U HAVE A BLOG
RUSSIAN BRIDE - CELEB8 THX2U - DOG IS CUTER - TRADIN YOU IN
FORGET WE MET - KISS A FROG - SHE IS 22! - HE HAS A JOB
Because Despair is never content with just cutting into your soul, they have to pour salt in it, too: “Supplies are limited. But the pain that accompanies them may not be. “
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3 comments:
I LOVE that company! I have one of their demotivators on my desk and have had it for years. It's a pic of the prow (is that the front) of a ship sticking up out of the water (aka, the rest of it sank) and the caption is
MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others"
ahahahaHAH. My favorites: DIGNITY FREE; I'M HOT INSIDE; and I GOT SOBER.
The one on my desk reads: "Pretension--The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious."
I can't tell you how many people just don't get it...
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