Are You There God?

OOOH! Get Her!

Shlomo “The Schmuck-o” Benizri, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish member of the Knesset, believes that homosexuality causes earthquakes. Yes, this bribe-taking politician is pointing his finger at gays for causing earthquakes.

Again, I am forced to reiterate my position on God and Natural Disasters: If God so hated gays, gambling, sex, decadence, etc. then why is Las Vegas still here? Seems to me that an awful lot of nasty stuff happens in Israel every year—God seems to allow that to happen on a pretty regular basis… daily, even.

On the Religious Nuts-o Meter, this puts Schmuck-o almost at the level of those douche bags at Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas (where else?). I say almost, because when contacted about the comments from the ultra-Orthodox Jew Benizri, the Christianazi spokesperson Shirley Phelps-Roper stated, "God bless his little God-hating heart." Even united in their hatred of the gays, that c*nt can’t let go of her hatred of the Jews!

I think I have the solution: All we need to do is step back a bit and let them kill each other. However, we need to pull the bright light off of us, so they can start looking around for their next target. Okay… so first, we have to come up with some sort of “cure” for being gay. No, not really. Just say there is a cure. They believe in that ex-gay crap, they’ll buy a cure in a pill form. We only have to fake it for about a week because you know they will go after each other in a heartbeat. Afterwards, we’ll throw a FABulous party…

…and dance on their graves!*








*Kidding. I’m kidding… I’ll pee on them. No… no… well… maybe.

Seismic Monitor

I’m in an earthquake preparedness kind of mood after Tuesday night (buying water, making sure my earthquake preparedness kit is up-to-date, etc.). I found this page on the fantasmical world wide web, courtesy of the Incorporated Research Institutions for Seismology—it lists all the seismic activity on the planet.

When you have a second, check out the “Ring of Fire,” and anyone on the Pacific Ocean on either the Americas or Asia get the idea that it’s not if an earthquake happens, but when.

If you’re as fascinated with earthquakes as I am, then you must go here.

Shaken, Not Stirred

The horror... the horror...

Okay, it's only a 5.6 and there is very little damage that I can see: a broken glass, some items that fell off a shelf, piles of unpaid bills scattered across my desk... in other words: Tuesday.

A Sixteen-Year Wait… Over.

When I was a kid, I saw the movie Earthquake with Charlton Heston wearing these really cool shoes. (I think back then, I called them ‘groovy’.) I searched high and low for them, but couldn’t find them—mostly, because they were out of style. Then, one day, I happened by MacDonald’s Department Store (not to be confused with the lowland Scot McDonald’s of French Fry fame…) and saw them. Yes, they were no longer in style, but they were good enough for Chuck to save greater Los Angeles, by gum, they were good enough for me!

Thus, started my rather unfortunate habit of wanting something and never letting it go, even when it would be better to move on. When I was a kid, I saw a picture of a castle in National Geographic and I was fascinated by it. Ten years later, my brother’s girlfriend was in my room, saw the image on my bulletin board and said she’d been there! Eventually, the questions get answered, one just needs to develop patience—a continually difficult lesson for me to learn.

Jump forward to 1991, where one of my favorite shows was Northern Exposure. I absolutely adored it. It was funny, quirky, and was supported by an amazing cast of characters and actors. Plus, I had a huge thing for John Corbett and developed my eternal love for the nice Jewish boy from Rob Morrow.*

One of my favorite episodes was in the second season, titled “Spring Break.” Yes, this was the infamous Running of the Bulls episode: all the men in town streaking. (Any chance to see young Mr. Corbett with his shirt off was a good episode in my book.)

In this final scene (the running of the bulls) there was this amazing song—sweet, mysterious, lovely. I’d never heard it before or since. I only heard it while watching this episode. Later, I bought the VHS tape of that episode, strictly to get the information on the name of the song. Neither the box nor the credits listed the songs.

So, for sixteen long years I’ve wondered about this song. It was so great, surely it will make an appearance somewhere else, right? Nope. Nada. Zilch.

However, today, I was reading the A.V. Club at The Onion and someone posed the question on Ask The A.V. Club regarding a song from another TV show. I thought about writing them, but then thought that maybe, just maybe it might be located somewhere on the great world wide web. Three clicks later, I found it.

Just like that. Click. Click. Click.

TV.com—which I’d never heard of until Google showed me the way—has extensive information on Northern Exposure. I found my episode and along with all the other details on this particular episode (writer, director, guest star, quotes) was music. I knew four of the eight songs, so I put the first one into iTunes, clicked to listen, and viola!

The song is by Lindsay Buckingham** (of Fleetwood Mac fame). I don’t know if it holds up for sixteen years, but listening to D.W. Suite brings a smile to my face—even after sixteen long years.

So, that’s one more off the list! Now I need to see if I can find that shirt Peter Gallagher wore in Summer Lovers…

[UPDATE: Well, I downloaded the entire song (I was only able to sample 30 seconds on iTunes) and it's a piece of shit. The part they played on Northern Exposure was the first minute of the SIX MINUTE-LONG SONG. Six friggin' minutes! The rest of the song completely sucks, it goes off in two other pointless directions. Awful. Just awful. Maybe some things are better left unfound...]


*Still crushing on Corbett... Morrow, not so much.
**Coincidentally, he is appearing at The Mountain Winery in Saratoga, CA this Thursday night.