First, The Knees... Now, My Ears

There is a story in the news about shops in England using a high-pitched frequency—nicknamed “The Mosquito”—to scatter teenagers to prevent their loitering about. The frequency cannot be heard by adults over a certain age, so kids hate it and adults don’t notice. Sounds fine by me…

However, leave it to those crafty kids to make that work for them—they’ve now devised a way to use the sound as a ring-tone for their phones that their parents and teachers cannot hear… leaving them to text and call leaving adults none the wiser.

One of the sites where downloading is available lists the approximate age one should be to hear the tone. I can easily hear in the above 60, at 60 and at 50… after that, I’m pretty much done. At the ripe old age of 43, I have the hearing of a 50 year old.

I blame listening to Cheap Trick to loud on my headphones as a teenager.*

If you want to test your hearing—and I’m sure this is entirely scientific—check out their website HERE.

*Okay, who am I kidding? It was Funny Girl—damn you, Barbra Streisand!

99 Days...

Only 99 days until the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. Say what you will about the controversies and China's policies, I'm still looking forward to this. I love the Olympics: the pomp, circumstance and pageantry... the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, the human drama of athletic competition...

I fully admit to getting teary-eyed when the torch gets lit and I'm a bit wistful when it is extinguished two weeks later. Plus, any chance to see hot looking guys sweating is always good in my book.

Spank Bank Friday

Hey, Brady! Call me!

Brady Quinn... über-hottie

Have a great weekend!

UPDATE: Straight from Towelroad: Brady gives rookie Chris Long a Hummer! Oh, if only it were the good kind and not the energy-wasting, Ozone-depleting, gas-guzzling, road-hogging POS truck...(But one can dream... and there's another shirtless pic of Brady...!)

Healthy Living

In today's New York Times, wellness columnist Tara Parker explains why your ability to do a push-up is linked to how well you age. According to the calculator, not only am I unfit, but I've been dead for three years, but just didn't know it.

I could do 27 push-ups... I just choose not to do them... because I can't.

By the way, Jack LaLanne is 93 years old and can still do finger push-ups. Friggin' show off...!

True Friendship

I’m almost sure this has been around for a while, but I’ve received as spate of ‘warm and fuzzy’ emails on friendship lately, that I think we all need a reminder of what ‘true friendship’ really is.

'True' Friendship—None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

• When you are sad—I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
  
• When you are blue—I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
  
• When you smile—I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
  
• When you are scared—I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
  
• When you are worried—I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
  
• When you are confused—I will use little words.
  
• When you are sick—Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
  
• When you fall—I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants--everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move the body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends; then get depressed because you can only think of 4.



Special thanks to Heather for sending this... you're a true friend. Oh, and if that shovel offer still stands, give me a call.

Crème That Egg

Check out Joseph Herscher's six month effort to create a Rube Goldberg-ish device to smash a Cadbury Egg.




Credit for finding this cool video goes to the amazing Towleroad

Spank Bank Weekend

Here's three to bank for the weekend.

Definitely the one on the right

If you need a snack, his nipple is available
Seriously, that is just begging to be chewed!
And by the way... move your freakin' hand!

That reminds me... I need to do laundry this weekend...

Is Homosexuality a Choice?

If you won’t listen to me, try watching an animated video!




Thanks to Ryan for finding this

Bread. Butter. Cheese. Victory!


There is a God… and he likes Cheese! If you’re like me—and I pray that you are not—you love the creamy/crunchy/delicious taste of grilled cheese sandwiches. I love ‘em with ‘merican cheese, or gruyere, cheddar, swiss, combinations of any or all… ham or tomatoes (or both!) make for great additions…

…damn! I am salivating!

The Grilled Cheese Invitational has been created to assist those with a love of grilled cheese and/or competitions can find a way of combining the two. If you live in the Los Angeles area, it’s this weekend.

Lest you think that I am joking or that the competition is a joke, there are strict rules. No flame-throwers… ever! They’re rather strict on this rule…

There are regional competitions, so if you think you’ve got the stuff, then get out there and GRILL! I intend to try for the regionals for next year… until then, I’ll have to be content with a t-shirt.

Credit to Boing-Boing for pointing this out...

The Future is NOW


Wallpaper that lights up a room... finally, the future is here and flying cars are just around the corner! Well, maybe not the flying cars (damn!) but this way-cool wallpaper is available. Designer Jonas Samson came up with the idea for his postgraduate degree (I'm assuming he got his degree in Fabulousness of Design... he's Dutch, it's possible). If price is no object, then you will be able to afford it.

We are on our way to robots doing all our work, pills for meals, and teleportation!



Muchos thanks to Scooter for sending me this...

Dude’s Got Wood*

This is just too biz-f’n-zarre! Read the story HERE. Frankly, I love the fact that he’s wearing a GAP shirt… I’m sure GAP feels otherwise.

If he were smart he’d contact some guy to whittle his hands into something useful… like hands.

Parents should use this picture to keep their little boys from playing with himself: “See what happens when you touch yourself? Keep your thoughts clean!” Man, if someone were to tell me that when I was a kid I never would have touched it. Think of all the free time I would have had!

*Alternate headline: "Even Trees Wear Khakis"

The Return of The King

I gotta say that the April 12 Saturday Night Live was way up there in terms of actually being funny. The opening lasted WAY too long, but the rest of the show just nailed it. Silly as it was, the Death By Chocolate with Ashton Kutcher really made me laugh—probably because it was so ridiculous.

Two skits really stood out. First, Kristen Wiig as Jamie Lee Curtis was beyond brilliant. Her impersonation is dead-on and her timing is impeccable.



The second skit that had me rolling was The Cougar Show. I have friends that actually deal with these women and from his descriptions, this is right-perfect.



Hail the return of SNL… just in time, because MadTV has gone into the crapper so deep, I don’t know if it can return (seriously, when half your bits depend on the incredibly unfunny Bobby Lee, you are in deep-deep trouble).

Spank Bank Friday

John Barrowman. Start of Torchwood. I've heard he's arogant... but if I looked like him and sang like him, I would be too. He was the Blonde Nazi singing Springtime for Hitler in The Producers. He looked good as a blonde (and as a Nazi, which I feel terrible about... and should be strictly punished for!). Did I mention he's a 'mo? Yeah... probably a nasty top (but in my dreams he's an insatiable bottom...!)

Have a great weekend!

Best Game Ever

Improv Anywhere gives The Best Game of Their Lives to two Little League baseball teams. Totally awesome.



Thanks to Cav for passing this along!

How Much of A Geek Are You?

Apparently, I'm at a way-cool 63%...


Created by OnePlusYou

Spank Bank

Moving as far away from my previous post as possible... here's a little somethin' to help get you through this long week... Go Fighting Irish!

Someone Bring Me My Soapbox!

What is this bullshit going on with the Olympic torch relay? In London, protestors attacked the runners, trying to wrestle the torch from them. At another point in the route, someone discharged a fire extinguisher at the runner. Today in Paris, there was pandemonium and enough security warranted for a state visit. The runners had to jump onto a bus to escape the mobs. On Wednesday the relay comes to San Francisco… The nutjobs in SF LIVE for this kind of stuff.

Look, I’m a card-carrying liberal. I’m appalled at what China is doing in Tibet, and I stand with the Dali Lama and all those that wish to peacefully restore Tibet. While the Olympics are to be held in China this year, the Olympics are about Sport, not Politics. I appreciate the spirit of those that are protesting. I believe in Free Speech. I believe that China is in the wrong. However, when you deny someone’s right to free speech, you are no different than those you are protesting. Attacking the runners isn’t really addressing the problem, is it?

So… there are no more urgent issues in the world? Afghanistan is all honky-dory? Africa is doing just fine? Darfur is settled and everyone is happy and content—no one hacking anyone to death because they’re from the “wrong” tribe? Yes, the political situation in Tibet is awful—but Africa is pretty much a consistent lesson in genocide. But, genocide is a real downer, isn’t it? Protesting China is more cool. Even though half the crap you buy is from China—China’s bad, right? But not bad enough you want to throw out those clothes you got real cheap… Better to disrupt a parade, because—when you think about it—that’s what the Dali Lama’s five-point peace plan for Tibet was all about.

Speaking of… what’s the Dali Lama’s take on the situation? Non-violence. Non-fucking-violence. He’s had that opinion since China invaded Tibet in 1950. See a problem here?


Um… let’s see if I’ve got this straight: You fight oppression of free speech by oppression someone’s right to free speech and you answer a call for non-violence with violence. I think George Bush’s job of turning the world into idiots who behave just like him is complete.

I may not be all that bright, but I know that the bullshit has got to stop and we've got to start protesting things that aren't "cool" or have an easy solution. While Tibet does matter, it has been fifty years since China invaded... now is the time we need to make a stand? Against the swimmers, the long-distance runners, those women that look like 12 year-old boys on the balance beam... this is what we're protesting against?

[Sounds of crickets chirping]

[Chris steps slowly off of soapbox]

Um... and now back to our regularly scheduled garbage:

WTF?

I saw this over at List of the Day (which is my new favorite website). I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it is both frightening and hysterical. God knows I love fart jokes (I’m classy that way) but what are they teaching kids? Anyone speak Dutch?

Bye, Chuck

I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the passing of Charlton Heston at the ripe old age of 84.* Say what you will about the man’s politics—remember his classic speech at the NRA: “From my cold, dead hands…!”—the man could act. His distinctive voice and classic looks made him a star in the 1950’s and he remained a distinct presence in the American film industry ever since.

Here is Mr. Heston in one of his most enduring roles in the best surprise ending in filmmaking… ever.





*Funny thing… as I get older, 84 doesn’t seem quite as old as it was when I was in my 20's…

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

If you're a regular reader (I know there's one of you... I'm watching you, too...) you'll notice a few changese in the ole S&T this week. I felt the need to delete some old links (several of them were dead) and to add some new ones. I also found that I had several links on there twice, but no one ever noticed--or said anything (thankyouverymuch).

I hope you like the changes--I'm out of my blue phase...

What the Frak is Going On?

For those of you who are not addicted to the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi, you should be. If you want to catch up on fours season for the final season premiere -in a mere 8 minutes- click HERE... Fraking awesome!!!

Stairway to Stardom!

Why these people never found fame is beyond me.

Get Me Jesus!


What. A. Tease.


Her Name Was Lola, She Was a… WTF?


Thanks to The Chaser Blog for leading me to this…

Kickin' Ass!

I have five neices and nephews and never worried that they would attack me... except when they were about five. For some reason I worried. I guess I had no need to, apparently, I could easily take them:

19

Good thing there are only five of them... otherwise, I'd be screwed.

The Fools of April

Google always finds a neat trick for April Fools. This year, Google combined with Virgin to create Virgle: The Adventure of Many Lifetimes. It is the chance to colonize Mars!

They did a really nice job creating a 100 year plan (check out the escape pods from Virgle City), as well as testing your potential to noting that Mars will be an “open source planet.”

It’s very funny and worth taking their “Test Your Pioneering Potential” quiz. My two favorite questions were:

Q: If I was unexpectedly confronted with the emergence of a bewilderingly alien and frighteningly advanced Martian life form which appeared bent on killing me if I failed to quickly and effectively communicate my peaceful intentions and potential value to its civilization, I would

a) Die
b) Whip out my handy universal transcorder and start schmoozing my ass off.
c) Well, given that there's no such thing as a transcorder that works for a Martian language that we haven't even heard yet, I guess I'd just do my best to seem non-threatening while communicating my peaceful intentions with subtly universal hand gestures.
d) Run straight toward the Martian while screaming wildly and brandishing whatever weapon happens to be handy.

(I picked “A”. “D” was a close second…)

Q: A multi-stage heavy lift rocket built using established solid and liquid propellant technology with solid boosters doubled for increased payload capability could start a burn for insertion into a lunar trajectory and then back toward Earth for final insertion into a modified Hohmann Transfer Orbit, increasing its final Earth-to-Mars transfer velocity through a periapsis delta-v burn performed at the closest lunar and subsequent Earth approach, with the additional delta v gained on account of the potential energy from the mass of expended propellant,

A) Actually, I would think fairly quickly and easily
B) Only with significant time and fuel expenditure
C) My SAT tutor said to always guess C if you aren't sure
D) goo goo ga ga hee hee ha ha

(I picked “C”)

I’m curious how many people believed and signed up…