It was Twenty Years Ago Today...


I got an email the other day from an old friend congratulating me on the 20th anniversary of my ‘zine Block Talk™, the precursor to my ‘zine and subsequent blog both titled Slap & Tickle.

Back in the day, I was a manager for Century Theatres—or as I affectionately refer to them as “the bastards at Syufy. Back in those days, they were not called Century Theatres, they were “Syufy Luxury Theatres.” The theaters were massive domes which sat anywhere between 450 – 1000 people. No shoeboxes for these luxury theatres, no siree…

We were young and we were in charge. I knew few people working in the theaters that were over 30—and those that were older were often old-timers who hadn’t seen 50 in over a decade… so, there was a bit of a Lord of the Flies thing going on. Total irresponsibility, total ‘managed chaos’ and totally fun. Totally.*

Block Talk™ got started because the bastards at Syufy had a newsletter called Platter Chatter** and each district had to submit information to be included. I was the editor for the San Jose division.

The problem was, not a lot was going on that was exciting… or exciting enough to be included in Platter Chatter (a read often referred to in the company as being “dryer than a popcorn fart.”***). I would often get complaints from other managers that I had failed to include whatever pointless information a theater had submitted because it did not show up in the oh-so-prestigious Platter Chatter. Who gave a shit if their per-person took a 3 cent jump? Honestly, the way Syufy kept raising prices, it was impossible not to get that to happen.

The problem was, I was submitting this boring information and no one in our Corporate Office could give a rat’s ass about them (and our theaters had TONS of rats. Seriously. Tones.) In desperation, I created Block Talk™ and what I submitted to Corporate, I sent to all the theaters.

I quickly discovered I needed to “contain [my] smartass comments.” Because, after my first issue, my district manager came up to me and said, “You need to contain your smartass comments.” That spawned the Block Talk™ Annex. Which had articles, stories, and artwork that Corporate need not see—especially, if I wanted to keep my job.

There were some bits of genius in there—all by individuals other than myself. Chris Sanford and Matthew Keller created some brilliant and hysterical work. I looked through it the other day and realized so much has changed. Many are married, a number of us came out, a surprising number have moved away, and Century Theatres has been sold to some crappy company out of Plano, Texas. However, in a small way and in significantly different format, Block Talk™ is still around.

For those of you who never got to enjoy “The Exciting Adventures of Jolly Joe” featuring the crime solving mysteries of Syufy Sam, or experience “Dan Koje: Ambulance Driver on the Edge,”I will try and get permission from the writer to publish excerpts—(perhaps even the whole series? Who knows? It’s a wild crazy world!)

Twenty years… it goes by fast.





*It was the 80’s…
**Sort of an inside joke… an unfunny inside joke, but an inside joke none-the-less.
***The driest of all known farts…

Welcome Baby No. 300,000,000!

Today, the 300 millionth U.S. baby was born this morning at 7:46am EST. The U.S. is only the third nation in history to have reached that number of citizens. We are way behind China and India in people, but we far surpass them in terms of global warming. Whooo-hooo! We’re number 1! We’re number! We’re number! USA! USA! USA!



Welcome baby #300 million. I hope you live a long, long life—because we need someone to pay off the mind-blowing, soul-crushing debt that Bush has left for you. Now, get to work!

PS: No, that picture is NOT of me...

What is Wrong with These People?


Do you ever get the feeling that Republicans think about gay sex more than gays do? Oh, and when they think "gay sex" it's actually weird, twisted, perverted shit that no gay man would want to think about...

Ben Stein (who I used to think of as a "nice Jewish boy") made some choice comments, read them HERE. Ben Stein, you are not a "nice Jewish boy." No, not at all. In fact, you're a sick fuck.

Do I have to state this again?* Eighty-Nine percent of all child molestations are "STRAIGHT" MEN preying on LITTLE GIRLS and of that ninety percent are members of the family or close family friends. Putting Ben's hypothesis to work, I believe that straight men are true perverts...




*Apparently, I do.

THANK YOU!

A big thanks to Michele Leese—faithful blogger, and dear friend—who generously sponsored me in the upcoming JDRF Walk-for-A-Cure!

Michele, you’re the best!

It’s all about the children…

It’s that time of year again, I am walking in the annual Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation Walk-For-A-Cure on October 8. In the past, several readers were very generous and donated to the campaign. I’m hoping that my few readers will again make the effort.

Juvenile Diabetes effects more than 18 million Americans, with a new diagnoses every hour. Insulin is not a cure and the destructive nature of this disease seriously impacts not only the quality of life of the patient, but their life expectancy as well.

There is hope and in the last few years the JDRF has made great strides in funding research that has brought the cure ever closer. With your help, we can find a cure.

I believe that every dollar counts*, so please give whatever you can and, I will be forever grateful. Along with my gratitude, I will also give you a place of honor on the S&T page noting you as a kind, generous and giving person!

It’s best to donate online and you can do that by clicking HERE. (Check out my thermometer!)

Again, thank you for helping to stop this terrible disease.






*Of course, more dollars count more…

Speling is Important

I was driving into San Francisco this weekend for the Folsom Street Fair and plastered on the support columns for the overpasses were large signs, proclaiming: “End the Bush Rigeme Now!”

How do you expect people to take your cause seriously if you can’t fucking spell regime correctly?

Where Are You and Will You be My Friend?


So I was looking at my Cluster Map this morning and I was amazed that all around the world in countries I may never have heard of (“thank you inferior public ‘educashun’ system”), people are clicking on my site!

I’m sure that many of those that clicked on this site were looking—in vain—for Giada DeLaurentiis’ boobs (keep looking guys… keep looking) or a searching for ‘shirtless Anderson Cooper’ (when you find it, call me, okay?). Regardless of why they came here, they came and I am counting them as a visitor, even if they only stayed for a minute or so (average time here :57… are you fast readers, or does it take that long to realize that I suck?

Anyway, looking at the map, I noticed some small dots in the middle of several oceans. Where the hell are those islands? I know Hawaii and the Canary Islands off Europe, but there is a dot down in the Pacific, Atlantic Ocean and Indian Oceans that just make me wonder if it is a ship at sea—because I do not think there are actual islands there (well, according to the maps in 10th grade at Willow Glen High School ("Home of the Rams!")—who knows about the maps in 11th, 12th and college—I stopped looking at maps when I started looking at guys).

So, I went to Google Earth (which I have nothing but problems with—there is a glich and it annoys me to no end—but still, it’s Google, so it’s better than anything else out there). Guess what? There are islands out there! (Stupid pulik skools map…)

A special ‘thank you’ to those who visited from São Miguel, Pitcairn Islands, and Maldives (isn’t that some kind of salad?).* I am almost certain that you are of questionable nature and searching for items of equal or greater questionable nature—and that makes you my friend.





*Yeah, I know… it’s endive—it’s a joke. I may have gone to a lousy skuul, but I done be a-read’n Martha Stewart…

Caption This

Every now and again I see a picture that begs to be recaptioned. For example, the picture above was found in a local paper and it is pretty awful. I’m not sure what chubbly is doing, but it is awkward at best. Dude appears to not just be dragging his heel, but trying to pull up the flooring with it. And Miss Priss looks like she’s vainly trying to escape a panic attack.

Disliking immensely the caption from the paper, I decided to try and come up with something more fitting to the actual picture:

Synchronized Dance Team Gets Off to Rocky Start
It’s True: White People Can’t Dance
Local Man Wins Talent Contest By Firing Ping-Pong Balls Out His Ass
Study Says ‘Some People Never Outgrow Awkward Phase’
Guy With Hot Dance Moves Really Gets The Chicks
Torn Between Two Lovers…

That’s all I could come up with off the top of my head… got a good caption? Let me know.

Give a Little, Help a Lot

My friend Wylea is in her fourth year of raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society/Team in Training. Below is a fundraising note she sent me. If you can, please give—she is trying to raise $6000 for this very worthy cause.


I want to share with you the story of Ronda and her dad Ron Goldstone. He, along with many others, is the reason I keep doing this...a cure has got to be found. Ronda was on our walk team last Winter season. In May of 2005 she learned that her dad, Ron had been diagnosed with Leukemia. To say the very least, she was devastated. She was starting a new job, fostering a relationship with her boyfriend Rob and living in a new place in the Silicon Valley—a long way from her dad and family in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Ronda didn’t have a marathon on her “to do” list. She joined the team for a chance to fight blood cancers, for a chance to find a cure, a chance to spend more time with her dad. She learned that many of Ron’s caregivers had also participated in TNT which made it easy for him to relay his daughter’s stories and share in theirs. This gave Ron something more than cancer to think about. He was so proud and supportive of his daughter.

Often worried whether she was doing the right thing Ronda learned that her father’s bone marrow trans-plant could not have been performed 5 years ago. Re-search gave him a chance...research funded by groups like she was supporting...like Team in Training. After three and a half months of training Ronda, her boyfriend Rob and two others on our team completed a full marathon. It was a challenging race to say the least. There was ice on the ground, frost on their bodies and the course had been removed long before the finish line ~ they had to navigate the end of the course on their own. The blister on the bottom of Ronda’s foot was the size of a silver dollar pancake. Never before had I seen medals awarded that were more deserved.

During Ron’s treatment he often liked to wear his favorite t-shirt that read “Cancer Sucks.” Everyone on the team that went to Austin took a photo in that t-shirt to carry on our journey. When the race was finished we signed the photos to create a photo board for Ronda to bring to and share with her father. Unfortunately he never got to see the photos or read what we had written. Three days after the marathon Ronda was called home to Cincinnati. She made it just in time to see him and tell him the adventure of finishing her first marathon. She was able to slip her medal into his hand and he squeezed it...hard. He was so proud of her accomplishment. Ron was wearing his “Cancer Sucks” t-shirt when he passed away surrounded by his family.

We never got to meet Ron, but I certainly felt like I knew him. I felt like I had lost a member of my family. It’s a reason for me to keep walking ~ to find a cure! And it’s because of you we make such strides towards that cure. Your donations are greatly appreciated and make a guaranteed difference. Thank you for supporting such a wonderful cause!

If you have someone in your life that has fought or is fighting cancer, please let me know. I will proudly wear their name on my jersey on race day in honor of them...my inspiration for this journey.

If you wish to give, please go to Wylea’s donation page.

Why Reality TV is Better Than Scripted TV

You can't find this on scripted TV... because no one in their right mind would ever (and I mean EVER) write crazy-assed stuff like this.

Check. This. Out.

Listen to this. This is why some talent remains hidden...

Perspective


With all the crap that has gone down with the Bush Administration over the last 5 painful years and yet President Clinton is the one who was impeached, here is a clever little song that puts the whole thing in perspective. Crank it up and enjoy (however, I wouldn't recommend this for work).

Amazing

Check out the BMW Leipzig Plant—truly amazing architecture. Click on Leipzig Plant and then select Watch. Be amazed. Be very amazed.

Speaking of amazing, Ann Mason Stockton died this week. You most likely do not know her, but you’ve heard her—or at least her harp. She was a harpist who performed in over 800 films for over 70 years. Her first film was Gone With the Wind, she also performed in Schindler’s List. Go to NPR and listen to her story and a snippet of her playing… and be amazed at such great talent.

Busy, Busy, Busy…

It’s been a busy week at work and at school, but I had to mention this little exchange I heard at school as I was passing two guys exiting from Gold’s Gym Tuesday evening:

Dude 1: Dude, I was so confused this morning, I didn’t know what day it was.
Dude 2: Dude, all I know is tomorrow is Wednesday.
Dude1: Dude, I thought today was like Tuesday…
Dude 2: No, dude, Tuesday follows Wednesday… like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday…


Although Dude 2 is the smarter of the two steroid-abusing lifters, he does not seem to understand the difference between proceeds and follows…

…okay, back to work!

Wise Words from Golda...

Before you condem Israel for attacking Hezbollah in Lebannon, remember these words from Golda Meir:

“We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children. We cannot forgive them for forcing us to kill their children. We will only have peace with the Arabs when they love their children more than they hate us.”
--Golda Meir (1898 - 1978)

Mike Douglas (1925 - 2006)

Mike Douglas, the host of The Mike Douglas Show which I watched everyday throughout the 1970's died today on his 81st birthday. Gene Rayburn is gone, now Mike... how I will rue the day Merv Griffin dies.

I used to run home from school to flip between Merv Griffin and Mike Douglas* (while one was singing, the other was doing their monologue), then I would wait for the guests and the fun. I loved that show. I remember seeing Tiger Woods playing golf with Bob Hope! I always thought it odd that he was broadcasting from Philadelphia--I never quite understood that, but was upset when he eventually moved to New York.

I'm sure Totie Fields would have something funny to say about Mike. He's probably in heaven interviewing her and Peggy Cass right now...

Thanks for the fun, Mike!




*Actually, Match Game was on first, but it was a block of entertainment to me. I wouldn't watch just the one they were part of a 'package deal' that kept me going until almost dinner--or until my mom sent me outside into the "fresh air".

You Are What You Eat

The other day in class, my instructor was talking to another student about men and she turned around as I muttered, “Men, they’re either straight or married…” Now, she seems pretty cool, but the look on her face was one of shock, so I wasn’t sure if she was surprised that I had just come out while making flan, or if she was bothered by it.

Today, I got the answer…

One of the ethnic cooking classes was making a dish from a country from their background and one woman did an English High Tea. Beautiful cucumber sandwiches and small pastries—all beautiful. Chef was describing it to us and walked up to me and said, “Oh, I brought something she made for you…” and handed me a fairy cake.

Class just got a lot more fun.

Hair Today...

After ten wonderful years together, I shaved my goatee off two weeks ago. I am still having a hard time getting used to the fact that there is no hair on my face. However, I am pleased that the white lines on my face indicating the former spot of said beard has now darkened so it is not as obvious that I just shaved my chin for the first time in a decade.

However, I miss my furry little friend...

Who'd have thought?

I have a hard time believing this, but according to these guys, I'm a total slut. Then again, I'm gay, so it goes with the territory...

Drunk or Not, Gibson is an Anti-Semitic Asshole


From TheAge.com.au:

Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Centre: "Look, the issue with Mel Gibson is very simple. Mel Gibson is driving under intoxication. There are no Jews in sight. He can blame his car, he can blame his liquor, he can blame the sheriff. But he can't blame any Jews because there are none around. That's precisely who he blames. Yet that's the problem. That shows he has a problem with Jews."