One of These Days These Boots Are Gonna Walk All Over You

Lee Hazlewood passed away this weekend. Mr. Hazlewood was known for writing and publishing a number of works, most notably Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots are Made for Walking.” He was 78 years old.

How (you may ask) does this have any connection to me? Well (I answer) I was singing “Boots” back in 1995, when a tragic—and all too common—karaoke accident occurred: I dislocated my knee. Yes. I dislocated my knee whilst mouthing the words, “Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!”

I have never sung that song again.

"These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."

Wherever you are Mr. Hazlewood: "get walkin'!"

We Need You, Howard Beale

I was reading Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish this morning and I saw this:



Howard Beale—played brilliantly by Peter Finch—could give that same speech today, it’s completely relevant to our current situation.

We need someone to get us up off our collective asses and shut Bush/Cheney down. We could use a good ole “Nixon resigning in shame” right about now—and Dubya is just the douchebag to do it.

Come on, people. Get mad as Hell—and don’t take it anymore.

Thankfully, We Only Need One…

Psychologists at the University of Texas at Austin claim to have catalogued over 200 reasons why people have sex. The actual number is 237, which I find amazing because, if I were to ask any of my friends their response would be, “I need a reason?”

They asked 440 men and women to get the results. What guys did they ask? Did anyone answer, “Well, I’m a guy… and I was awake”? because that would be my answer.

Some of the reasons included are:

No. 35 “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about”
No. 78 “I was on the ‘rebound’ (That’s pretty much the only way I get laid…)
No. 141 “I wanted the person to love me” (And we do love you—God bless the
whores!)
No. 46 “I wanted to get a raise” (you’d better be really good…)
No. 52 “Someone offered me money to do it” (God bless the whores!)
No. 133 “I wanted to be nice” (Thank you!)
No. 53 “I wanted to feel closer to God” (God bless the whores!)
No. 107 “I wanted to say ‘thank you.’” (No… thank you)
No. 61 “I wanted to be popular” (God bless the whores!)
No. 70 “Someone dared me” (God bless the easily manipulated)
No. 82 “I wanted to get out of doing something” (I gotta try that the next time
someone cute asks me to help them move: “Instead of that…”)
No. 121 “I didn’t know how to say ‘no.’” (Can we get this person’s address?)
No. 87 “I wanted to change the topic of conversation” (I would love to
be a fly on the wall for that conversation)
No. 15 “I was horny” (Really? That’s the best you can do?)
No. 51 "I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease" (Who said romance is dead?)

It’s almost the weekend, kids. Go find yourself a reason and get busy!

Why Isn’t Brenda Dickson A Gay Icon?

Careful, Brenda—craziness is coming!
She’s campy. She’s beautiful. She’s f’ing bizarre! Josh & Josh (of Josh and Josh are Rich and Famous) have a hysterical post of several of Ms. Dickson’s videos from the 80’s. More importantly, they also link two parody videos of the first two—caution: you will laugh very hard and very loud watching them.

Sliding towards crazy
Brenda is a nut-job beyond belief. She’s not as famous as Lindsay, Paris or Brittany, but just as tragic. (Can you say “schadenfreude”?) She recently went through another divorce and the press releases she issued are amazing. Written in the third person—although, clearly evident Brenda is writing them—they quickly become rambling and incoherent. I’ve read them three times and I’m still not quite sure what’s going on—besides ‘they are all against her.’

The blank look says she's invited crazy to the party...

Two of her best lines are while she is wearing what appears to be leftover from Dynasty: "Do you like this gown? It's very dramatic." and "There was a time in my career when I wouldn't be caught dead in a gown like this." Honey, you shouldn’t be caught alive in it, either.

Of the parody videos, my favorite line has to be “My vagine is so big I had to underline it." seconded by “I'm a pirate." (You’ll understand when you see the video).

Welcome to Crazytown--population: YOU!
You really only need to watch about half of the first video to get an idea of what she’s like (crazy), but definitely watch the parodies.

The Continuing Descent of Lindsay Lohan’s Career

With only $3.1 million for its opening weekend, there is a reason the studio decided not to let the press review Lindsay Lohan’s latest film. Well, the reviews for "I Know Who Killed Me" are in. And like Lindsay, it’s pretty sad. The film appears to be yet another nail in the coffin that is Lindsay Lohan’s career:

"After a 20 minute delay in starting the movie, I had to assume the projector was taking an ethical stand and refusing to be party to the heinous act of showing this movie" Probably the best bad review… ever.

As always, thanks to dlisted.

Spider Pig
(Choral Version)



"Why should I pay for something I get for free on TV?"
--Homer J. Simpson, The Simpsons Movie

Answer: Because The Simpsons Movie is friggin' genius.

I cannot discuss this movie without giving too much away. I'll say only this: Itchy & Scratchy have found a new level of genius, the writers and producers are geniuses, Spider Pig rocks, Homer saves the day, and--while hysterical--I hope never to see Bart naked again.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...

I'm off for a few days for my birthday...

...Let's hope I have a little 'birthday luck'!

"Big Ginger"

"Big Ginger" is what Prince Harry's girlfriend has nicknamed him. Is this anything like "Firecrotch" for Lohan? If it is, I'm in love...

When You Care Enough To Hit Send

Check out someecards--they're hysterical. A small sampling is below. Enjoy the weekend!

For Republicans Seeking a Political Savior

I first saw this on Andrew Sullivan’s blog. It is an interesting thought posed by David Boaz at the Cato-at-Liberty blog—part of the Cato Institute:

I’d like to see a pollster ask conservative Christians two questions:

1. Would you support a presidential candidate who is divorced, has estranged relations with his children, never sees his grandchildren, rarely attends church, strongly opposes a law to ban gays from teaching school, and as governor signed the nation’s most liberal abortion law?

2. Would you support him if you knew his name was Ronald Reagan?


Makes you wonder if those idiots at FOX News have any idea who Reagan really was...

Let’s Dance Wednesday




How can you watch this video and not laugh?
How can you listen to Mika and not dance?

Two more days ‘til the weekend, kids. Enjoy the music.

(Hopefully) My Last Comment on Libby’s Clemency

Something from Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish… Bush is a colossal ass—he lies, he cheats, he lies, he swears, and he claims to be compassionate. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It Isn’t Easy Being Green

From the AP:
“The son of former Vice President Al Gore was arrested early Wednesday in Orange County on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs.

“Albert Gore III was taken into custody about 2:15 a.m. after Orange County sheriff's deputies stopped him for driving about 100 mph in his Toyota Prius on the southbound Interstate 5.

“Deputies detected the ‘strong odor of marijuana,’ and a search of the car found marijuana and prescription drugs Vicodin, Valium, Xanax and Adderall, an amphetamine used to treat attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.”

REALLY? 100mph in a freakin’ Prius?! No way! How is that possible? I thought pot was supposed to slow you down. Al III got game! He and the Bush daughters should get together and party!

Keep Drinking

Johnny Walker has come up with an interesting television ad campaign—I’m not sure where they are running these, but I’m almost certain they are running in China (big hint: the last one is in Chinese). The campaign is “Keep Walking.” They are all fascinating to watch—particularly the first one.

Happy Fourth of July!

Hometown Hero (Part II)

In our last installment, San Jose's pride and joy was a drug dealer, being sued by Hershey's for selling pot in packaging simliar to their "delicious" confections. Now, we have a hot dog eating champ. Will the glory never end?

From the Associated Press:

Joey Chestnut is officially weighed in for Wednesday's Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest at Nathan's Famous at New York's Coney Island, Tuesday, July 3, 2007, in New York. Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HDBs" _ hot dogs and buns _ during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe. Chestnut placed second in last year's Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest, consuming 52 hot dogs. (AP Photo / Louis Lanzano)

Greatest Marketing Gimmick… EVER.

7-Eleven is tying in with the release of The Simpsons Movie this summer by re-imagining 12 of their stores as Kwik-E-Marts—both inside and out. Genius! Absolute genius!

The employees are in Apu-styled Kwik-E-Mart smocks, the hot dogs are “bun-o-licious”, they sell Buzz Cola, Krusty-O’s Cereal, and best of all: Squishees! Silly? Yes. But there are lines of people waiting to get into a friggin’ 7-Eleven! When has that ever happened before?

Unfortunately, they were out of Buzz Cola when I arrived, but they had plenty of Krusty-O’s and Squishees. I got a very delicious "WooHoo! Blue Vanilla Squishee" (mmmm… Vanilla Squishee… aaaaggh…). I did appreciate the sign on the front door that read: “Thank you for loitering.”

The best part: as I was leaving the Indian guy behind the counter—without a hint of irony—said, “Thank you, come again.” No, Apu, thank you.

Bush Commutes Libby Prison Sentence
(Founding Fathers Weep Uncontrollably)


traitor


Jeez… even Paris Hilton did 23 days for driving on a suspended license. But operate in what best can be described as a treasonous act? Commuted sentence.

Nice.

We’ll just add that to the long list of Bush Administration offences.

Am I the only one who realizes that the man who has sworn—with his hand on the bible, no less—to uphold The Constitution of the United States, as pretty much just shredded it?

I’m sure our do-nothing Congress will be all flustered for the cameras and then will quietly go on with their summer vacation.

Why I Love CNN

While CNN put The Idiot on Larry King for a freakin’ hour—leave it to Anderson Cooper to cut her shit down. If I wasn’t in love with Anderson before, I love him more now.

Here are a few YouTube clips from Anderson Cooper:

What I Wouldn't Give...

...for tickets to this show! Just look at the cast and tell me you don't agree. (If you don't... don't tell me, I'll just be disappointed in you).

The Most Important News Story… EVER



Paris has been released from jail. Justice has been served. Her debt, repaid. Let the church bells ring!

And I’m supposed to give a shit because…?

Honestly, I don’t get it. If the press hadn’t kept a constant watch on this, I would have forgotten all about it. Why won’t they let me forget about Paris Hilton? Why, God… why?

And who are these fucking idiots that are seriously concerned about what happens to her? This is what you are concerned about? Paris… Hilton. Not this. Not this. Not this. But this.

Douche-bags. All of ‘em… f’ing douche-bags. Especially, the guy below. He’s the douche in the douce-bag.

Monday Debrief

I saw Kathy Griffin this weekend at the old Paul Masson Winery. Hysterical. Absolutely hysterical. I can’t stop thinking about her “Paris Hilton walk.” If you get a chance to see her—see her! It’s worth it.

A co-worker is doing a bit of modeling for a student who owns an online pants company called Bononos. If you’re athletic and looking for pants that will accommodate your “athletic thighs” like Louis, then this is the site for you. Me? I need something for fat thighs and gut, but no ass. Where’s my site? (besides this.)

fyi: Yes, that's how the picture is posted on their site... it's their joke and I'm not going to mess with it...

Happy Gay Pride!

Sometimes, you just have to celebrate the love...

Gay and lesbian kisses:



Francesco D'Macho & Francois Sagat first kiss (talk about an amazing first kiss… wow.)


[Double-click on this and you'll go to the 'Age Confirmation' page at YouTube--For goodness' sake, they're just kissing! Sexy, sexy kissing, but still kissing. 'phobes...]

No One Under 17 Admitted...



Apparently, my use of the words penis and gay have given this blog an NC-17 rating. Who knew I was that salty? Fuckin' A!

Romney's Boys

I’ve been particularly displeased with the Democrats lately (their inability to get their shit together, capitulating to Dubya, etc.) but I have had no desire to vote for a Republican for President.

Until now.

I’m not into Mitt, per se, but his boys? Hubba-fucking-hubba! The boys have their own blog (isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that hip?). But the best part is that totally fake “we’re just a big normal, fun family” BS they push.

Isn’t is just so much fun that they get to “make fun of each other publicly”? You guys! And boy, do those Romney boys love their baseball! Lots of shots of them at “awesome” ballparks! You guys are just so normal, I almost forget your Mormon.

The thing is, I’m eating up with a spoon. Sure, I know it’s cheesy—but I love me some cheese! And those boys are mighty easy on the eyes. Does it bother me that they are most-likely homophobes? Probably not as much as it bothers them that gays are drooling over their hotness.

Especially, Tagg… well, maybe it’s Matt. Then again, Ben’s sporting a groovy beard—and I dig that. …sigh… decisions… decisions… You know, I think I’m going to go with Josh. I’ve been seriously shvitzing over Josh. Yes, definitely Josh.

So, Josh, maybe we can catch a ballgame together? Call me.

"Gilbert Got A Job!"


I start my new job baking this Friday/Saturday. It’s a one-day a week gig, at a "cupcakery" in beautiful San Mateo, CA. I work only one day a week: Fridays from Midnight until 6:00am—possibly 8:00, if it’s really busy.
This is for my externship at PCI. I have to get 240 hours in to get my degree. If I were working a typical 8 hour shift, I would be done in 6 weeks. At my current rate of one six-hour shift a week, I will have my externship completed sometime next spring. Hey, I don’t want to tax myself…

I’m looking forward to the job. I worked this last weekend to see if they liked me and I liked the job. I guess since they offered me the job, they liked me. Or, they were up against a wall… either way, I’m a baker!

The sleep thing isn’t too much of a problem. I slept for four hours before my shift and then another four when I got home after—so I was able to get a full night’s sleep and still be up by 10:00am. All in all, not too shabby.

Hopefully, I’ll have some fun tales of the bakery to tell—I’m praying none of them will end with “…and they had no choice but to let me go.” OR “…I just kept running until they stopped chasing me.”

[If anyone out there is curious about the title of this piece, it comes from when I used to work at the movie theatres years ago. I met with this kid—Gabriel—for his first ever interview. He was so nervous, it was kind of sweet. That night, I called his house to let him know he got the job and asked for Gabriel. His uncle answered the phone, and when I told him where I was calling from, he yelled out to the family, “Hey, Gilbert got a job!” It wasn’t so much that he yelled this out to the family, as his amazed tone that Gilbert actually managed to get a job. (Gilbert didn’t last too long—I guess his family knew him pretty well…)

After that, whenever one of the managers would finish and interview and we were going to hire the person, we’d walk in the office and call out, “Gilbert got a job!”]

Matthew Shepard, Part II

Have you heard about Aaron Hall? No? Neither has most of America, yet on April 12, he was beaten and left to die by two homophobes in Indiana. The reason no one has heard is because only one paper has reported about it. The local paper. No other paper has picked up the story. Good thing they aren’t reporting on anything frivolous like Paris Hilton…

The only people covering it are the bloggers. Read about it HERE and HERE.

Worst Idea... EVER

As reported in Variety, there is a plan to remake The Big Chill. First, why can't Hollywood come up with something original? Two, why must they remake a great movie, instead of finding some old piece of crap no one ever saw and fix it? Third, if you're going to remake a good movie, how about remaking something where the cast couldn't easily reprise their roles?

Apparently, they are going with an all-black cast to be "edgy." Will Eddie Murphy be playing all the parts?

[UPDATE: A friend of mine has suggested a title for this all-black version: We Be Chillin'.]

A Sixteen-Year Wait… Over.

When I was a kid, I saw the movie Earthquake with Charlton Heston wearing these really cool shoes. (I think back then, I called them ‘groovy’.) I searched high and low for them, but couldn’t find them—mostly, because they were out of style. Then, one day, I happened by MacDonald’s Department Store (not to be confused with the lowland Scot McDonald’s of French Fry fame…) and saw them. Yes, they were no longer in style, but they were good enough for Chuck to save greater Los Angeles, by gum, they were good enough for me!

Thus, started my rather unfortunate habit of wanting something and never letting it go, even when it would be better to move on. When I was a kid, I saw a picture of a castle in National Geographic and I was fascinated by it. Ten years later, my brother’s girlfriend was in my room, saw the image on my bulletin board and said she’d been there! Eventually, the questions get answered, one just needs to develop patience—a continually difficult lesson for me to learn.

Jump forward to 1991, where one of my favorite shows was Northern Exposure. I absolutely adored it. It was funny, quirky, and was supported by an amazing cast of characters and actors. Plus, I had a huge thing for John Corbett and developed my eternal love for the nice Jewish boy from Rob Morrow.*

One of my favorite episodes was in the second season, titled “Spring Break.” Yes, this was the infamous Running of the Bulls episode: all the men in town streaking. (Any chance to see young Mr. Corbett with his shirt off was a good episode in my book.)

In this final scene (the running of the bulls) there was this amazing song—sweet, mysterious, lovely. I’d never heard it before or since. I only heard it while watching this episode. Later, I bought the VHS tape of that episode, strictly to get the information on the name of the song. Neither the box nor the credits listed the songs.

So, for sixteen long years I’ve wondered about this song. It was so great, surely it will make an appearance somewhere else, right? Nope. Nada. Zilch.

However, today, I was reading the A.V. Club at The Onion and someone posed the question on Ask The A.V. Club regarding a song from another TV show. I thought about writing them, but then thought that maybe, just maybe it might be located somewhere on the great world wide web. Three clicks later, I found it.

Just like that. Click. Click. Click.

TV.com—which I’d never heard of until Google showed me the way—has extensive information on Northern Exposure. I found my episode and along with all the other details on this particular episode (writer, director, guest star, quotes) was music. I knew four of the eight songs, so I put the first one into iTunes, clicked to listen, and viola!

The song is by Lindsay Buckingham** (of Fleetwood Mac fame). I don’t know if it holds up for sixteen years, but listening to D.W. Suite brings a smile to my face—even after sixteen long years.

So, that’s one more off the list! Now I need to see if I can find that shirt Peter Gallagher wore in Summer Lovers…

[UPDATE: Well, I downloaded the entire song (I was only able to sample 30 seconds on iTunes) and it's a piece of shit. The part they played on Northern Exposure was the first minute of the SIX MINUTE-LONG SONG. Six friggin' minutes! The rest of the song completely sucks, it goes off in two other pointless directions. Awful. Just awful. Maybe some things are better left unfound...]


*Still crushing on Corbett... Morrow, not so much.
**Coincidentally, he is appearing at The Mountain Winery in Saratoga, CA this Thursday night.

Schadenfreude

I have to admit I’m thoroughly enjoying this and this and this…

Picture (c) 2007 NTL World

Another (Big, Thick, Uncut) Point for the Gay Man

I love me some Andrew Sullivan—not only is he smart and has a great blog, but he’s pretty easy on the eyes.

However, if I didn’t love him for all the political information he disseminates on his blog, I love him more for this bit of information of a scientific study on penis length:

“…the British Journal of Urology (BJU) International, finds that the average erect penis is about 5.5 to 6.2 inches long and about 4.7 to 5.1 inches in circumference.”

For once in my life, I’m above average. Thank you, Andrew, thank you very much.

Seriously, 5.5 inches is the average? That means that there are guys on either side of that scale. I have been with enough guys and watched enough porn to know that there is a significant number of men out there with way more than 5.5 inches…

While the study did not stress the correlation between sexuality and penis size, I guess the guys on the lower end of the scale must be straight. Go look at the straight porn: big boobs, okay penises. Then check out the gay porn: Big, Bigger, Biggest!

Yes, I know I have a vast collection of porn, but that is because I'm usually obsessing over a particular actor*... and for the articles.

Go on straight boys, get married. Whatever works for you. I’ll have to be content to never be married… and to be hung huge.**






*Francesco D’Macho, Jason Ridge, Johnny Hazzard, Chad Hunt, Ken Ryker, Rick Chase, that guy from Detention that can swallow at 13” kielbasa (Matt Summers?), etc.

**SOURCE: Julie Raia, 1991 (seriously, she’s one of the few women to ever see it and that’s what she said—of course, she’s probably comparing it to a straight guy’s dick)

What. The. F*ck?

Paris Hilton was released to house arrest today, after serving only five days of her 45 day sentence. I guess money and infamy makes you above the law.

If this happened to me, my ass would be in jail. Yours too. One can only hope that the "medical reasons" stated for her release were that they did not want her to infect the other inmates with whatever skanky diseases she most probably is carrying.

She is only a couple more years of hard partying and bad plastic surgery before she looks like this:

In a way, I do feel bad for her: she obviously has no one around her who really cares for her. If she did, they would have her serve out her full sentence in jail so she could learn a serious lesson. She will not change--and if (when?) she kills someone with her drunk driving, she had better go to prison--not jail, but PRISON. I'm talking San Quentin.

She has no respect for the law or anyone else--including herself. This will end badly, of that, I am certain.

Das Popemobile

Bit of a ruckus at The Vatican today, as someone tried to jump into Pope Benedict XVI’s Jeep as he was greeting crowds at St. Peter’s Square. What cracks me up about the reporting of this incident is that everyone states the pontiff was tooling around in his “popemobile.” Carl Kasell, the NPR newscaster with the extremely serious and professional tone, kept saying “popemobile.” I giggled through the entire story.

It’s not everyday that the Pope being attacked can make you laugh… then again, I am talking about Benedict XVI—not exactly a man who doesn’t make one all warm and fuzzy inside:

Show Your Support

If you don’t know Mike Jones, you are missing out on an important person in gay history: he’s the man that showed the complete hypocrisy of the Christian Right’s anti-gay movement, by outing Rev. Ted Haggard. If being gay can be ‘prayed away’, why couldn’t Ted do it? Because it can’t be.

Mike wrote a book on the experience--on sale now at Amazon. Buy it. Read it. Talk about it.

UPDATE: I read the book... um, it's okay. Some of it rang false to me, but I do believe him when he says that Ted was seeing him for several years. I think he helped to hasten the Republican fall, but I don't think he's quite as angelic as he tries to sell us on the fact that he is. A quick and easy read, with nary a big word to slow you down...

Keith Olbermann: “The entire government has failed us.”




I agree whole-heartedly. As a Democrat, I'm done. Finished. Game over. I will not give another dime, nor will I lend any support to the Democrats. They guys had ONE job mandated by the American people: end this. End it now. As bad as the Republicans are, at least they have the will to continue. Pelosi and the rest of the Democrats just gave up!

I am disgusted with all of them...

Worst Headline... Ever.

Oh, if you didn't know anything about what's happening in San Francisco politics right now, the above headline from the San Francisco Chronicle would appear to be extremely racist. Even knowing about what’s going on the headline seems ill-advised (it is San Francisco, after all).

NBC Passes (on) Stone

The fools at NBC have decided not to renew the contract for the man with the sexiest voice on television, Stone Phillips. I guess he was just too sexy for NBC--with that commanding voice, I would do anything he says.

ANYTHING. Are you hearing me, Stone? Any. Thing.*

Another reason not to watch NBC...

I'll leave you with this bit from Colbert Report, where Stephen and Stone had a gravitas-off:

Stephen: Dedicated surgeons worked for over twelve hours but were ultimately unable to reattach the goatee.

Stone Phillips: A word of warning, some of the images you are about to see are awesome.

Stephen: When the smoke cleared, both mugs were broken. And neither man could truly be called, world’s greatest grandpa.

Stone: But at this crab shack, the catch of the day was murder.

Stephen: Suddenly, and without warning, it became a real life game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Stone: In the immortal words of Butterfly McQueen: I don’t know nothing about birthin no babies!

Stephen: Toyboat toyboat toyboat.

Stone: Unique, New York, Unique New York Unique New York.

Stephen: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk. But the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

Stone: Swim Sam, swim Sam, swim Sam. Show them you’re some swimmer. Swim like Snow White’s swan swam, you know how a snow white swan swam Sam. Six sharp shivering sharks are out to snap your limbs. So a swim well swum is a well swum swim so swim Sam swim Sam swim.

(sigh...)

psssst! Stone... call me!

*Seriously... look at those forearms!

Our Next President

As my friend Scooter said, “Can’t we just elect him now and be done with it?” Oh, man, after this speech, I hope so…

Hometown Hero

It's always a wonderful day when someone in your town makes the national news... and then there's this. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that this guy got caught putting pot in candies, or that Hershey's is actually suing him for trademark infringement.

Like anyone really thought "Keef Kat" was really Kit Kat.* Seriously, Kit Kat's suck. (There. I've said it.) If anything is going to help those nasty buggers go down, then I say a little pot is worth it.

*"New! Improved! Now with MORE Pot!"

This Will Be Interesting…
The morons at Westboro Baptist Church—better known as “God Hates Fags”—will be protesting the funeral of one Jerry Falwell (click on the image above, I am not putting a link to those assholes). I've never been one to really enjoy funerals, but I am sure that is going to be one very interesting morning.

The Christian Right has turned a blind eye to the “Reverend” Phelps, and now they are about to get a stick poked into it. We’ll see how understanding they are now that it’s happening to them.

Final (cheap) Shot

The Rev. Jerry Falwell - founder of the Moral Majority and the face of the religious right in the 1980s - died Tuesday after being found unconscious in his office, a Liberty University executive said.

Ron Godwin, Liberty's executive vice president, said Falwell, 73, had been found unresponsive around 10:45 a.m. and was taken to Lynchburg General Hospital.

Godwin said he was not sure what caused the collapse, but noted that Falwell had "a history of heart challenges."

I’m sure there is no reason to believe that Rev. Falwell was found with drug paraphernalia and an underage male prostitute of undetermined race in the room with him when his heart was challenged. No reason at all… However, with absolutely no evidence, that it was the drugs and the ‘cheap trick with the six-pack abs’ that caused his heart to flutter something fierce.

The non-existent underage male-whore was not heard to exclaim, “But he said he loved me!”

Also, there is no evidence that he’d been exchanging salacious massages with Ted Haggard. None whatsoever.

What does it say when “a man of God” dies and there are so many people out there that truly despise him? How much of the Message of God did he not understand? A man had died and I am sure his family will miss him… I, however, will not.

Like This is Going to Stop Me...

Sometimes, a man's gotta do, what (and who) a man's gotta do... and damn the consequences.

Throw Her Ass in Jail

Paris Hilton—a woman who only thinks about Paris Hilton—is upset that because, as a result of her repeatedly breaking the law, her skinny ass is being sent to jail. Boo-freakin’-hoo. She claims that this is the result of her being made an example of because she’s famous. What, exactly, is she famous for? Famous for not doing anything. Famous for partying too much. Famous for being drunk.

Now, some douche-bag Joshua has an online petition to the Governator to pardon her because (get this Paris “provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives".

Hope? Hope for what? That your daddy is the heir of a huge fortune and that you get some of that cash, but you contribute nothing to society? Beauty? Oh, Anna… Anorexia… they’re calling for you. Excitement? Ooh, what party is Paris going to get drunk at next? Will she see Lindsay there? Will they argue? Will I give a crap?

I do enjoy how her mother is being supportive of her, “stands behind her” and is angry at the court. Lady, you are her parent—this is your fault. You let your kid go out and party in high school because you couldn’t be bothered to act like a parent. It’s too late now, but don’t blame others for making an effort to correct your mistakes.

I can not put it any better than this: Paris wants you to “sihn” the petition. Christ, all that money and the skank (skanque) can’t spell?

So, now I’m starting a petition*: Put Paris’ bony ass in jail! Start with the original 45 days the judge sentenced her to, another 45 for wasting our time with this frivolous story, another 45 for each time she’s been photographed staggering through the streets of L.A. drunk… I think that puts her in jail for at least a few years.

And if we’re lucky, she’ll be left there and forgotten.

Next case: Lindsay Lohan…






*Yes, there are those that are urging no clemency, but I am advocating for additional time.

Luke... I am your Postmaster!

File this under geeky-cool: we get to vote for the new Star Wars stamp being offered by the US Postal Service.

Use the Force—or in this case, the internet—and vote for your favorite stamp. I’m torn between Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader stamps… oh, the constant struggle of good vs. evil.

I finally figured out why there is no Ewan McGregor (young Obi Wan) stamp: we’d all be licking the front of the stamp…