Folsom!

Sunday was the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. A wholesome family-affair celebrating the leather fetish scene and those that like to watch (me)!

It’s much like many small town festivals, except the crowd is mostly men, mostly half-naked, and there are people flogging and peeing on each other. I’m sure they have similar festivals in Kansas and Oklahoma…

I did manage to see some wonderful things… most of which I can’t show you.

However, here are some of the highlights of what I saw:

Celebrities!

Batman & Robin(?)

Porn Stars!

The Uber-Sexy Jason Ridge (with the camera)

Alex Collack (looking right at the camera… and into my soul!)

Men in Lederhosen (wtf?)

Men in Love

Games!

Men Playing Twisted Twister

Lots of Men in Chaps

Men without Pants (note the shadow…)

LOTS of People

In case you were wondering… some women did show up, however, while she did wear a “wrap” of sorts, this young lady seems to have misplaced her bra!

Not Shy...

And I did manage to find a few old friends… but they requested I not post any pictures:

(Oops! Sorry, buddy!)

Lecture of A Lifetime

Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old Carnegie Mellon computer science professor, gave his last lecture last week, and it is amazing. Professor Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer and only has a few months to live. However, he is still in remarkable shape and is a brilliant and compelling speaker.

Here are parts one and two—the lecture is quite long (many more parts) but it is well worth it. It’s heartbreaking that such a brilliant mind will not be with us much longer. But it is heartwarming to watch such a brilliant speaker at his peak.

Here’s to achieving your dreams.

My Kinda Town...


Off to Chicago for a week. When I return, I hope to have some wonderful stories--happy, happy stories. (Okay, I'm hoping to get lucky...).

Have a great week!

Keep The Fifth Graders Away From Me...

Certainly explains a lot, doesn't it?

In Defense of Britney Spears

I’ve heard a lot about Britney Spears’ performance on the VMA’s last weekend and I’m shocked at how gleeful everyone seems to be at this poor girl’s folly. So far, I have seen only one brave and rational soul stand up and speak out for the poor girl:



Personally, I have not seen the performance, but I think someone needs to defend the girl’s actions.

I will do just that, right after I watch her performance:



Um… I got nothing.

Some People are Just Unlucky (i.e. ME)

I started driving when I was 18. Yes, I procrastinated. The whole thing scared me: 2 ton vehicle + “you can kill someone” + “Red Asphalt” = scared to drive. Eventually, I got over it and drove without incident for over 23 years.

Then, in 2005 some idiot came flying out of a parking lot, hit me and ruined my perfect record. After filing claims and going for a month without my car, I finally got my car back. But I’ve been forever a little skittish driving. I kept waiting for someone else to smash into me.

So it surprised me a few months ago when I was driving home from a booty call and merging onto a busy road in SF when I rear-ended a woman! Never a good thing... It cost me $800 and I’m sure my insurance will go up, so I’m even more skittish about driving.

And then today happened…

As I was driving home, traffic on Page Mill Road was very slow, as a bus rear-ended a car. It looked as if they were stuck together. It stayed with me the whole way home: you never know when someone isn’t paying attention and they run right into you. I did it, others do all the time.

There are four lanes in the exit off of 880 South onto Hamilton Avenue: (starting from the left) Lane #1 is a left only turn, Lane #2 is a left only turn, Lane #3 can go left or straight, and Lane #4 is right turn only. I was in Lane #3 going left. Crusher was in Lane #2, deciding that he wanted to go straight…

Quick quantum physics lesson: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

The bastard hit me. For your viewing pleasure, a satellite photo of the intersection is below. Note the lanes are clearly marked, note how I’m turning and how he’s hitting me! My insurance is going to skyrocket (if they don’t drop me) and I’m sure this will be another point on my driving record—all crap I don’t need.

Tomorrow I think I’ll take the train to work, because I don’t think my poor car can take anymore…

Katey Sagal: Singer

Last night I went to The Plush Room and saw Katey Sagal perform. WOW! She was fantastic. I knew the woman could sing, but I didn’t know she could SING!

I was so impressed, after the show I bought her album (she signed it) and today, I went to her website and bought another of her albums.

Ms. Sagal puts on a FANTASTIC show—her band was great and the audience (small, but good sized for a Wednesday cabaret show) was really into her. I was impressed by the number of younger people there (in their 20’s). With cabaret acts, I expect to be making up the younger demographic.

Jilly-bean and I met this wonderful couple who recently moved from New Orleans (they loved the show, too) and a couldn’t-be-cuter young, hipster gay couple sitting directly in front of us enjoyed the show as well.

She writes most of her songs, so she is not singing The American Songbook, which is new for me. I’m used to Andrea Marcovicci (whom I adore), but this was so different, yet equally entertaining.

Katey Sagal continues through September 8, and if you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, I strongly encourage you to see the show. And if she’s coming to your town, go and see her, you won’t be disappointed!

Friday Diversions

How much planning went into this?




Puberty: God’s Cruel Joke

Remember your teen years fondly? This will remind you of all the horrors. Thankfully, I never had a coach as “helpful” as this guy… can you say “creepy”?

I have to say I never—I mean NEVER have discussed my wet dreams with anyone. Apparently, in the 1950’s, it was just part of a casual conversation.






Have a safe and fun weekend! Watch out for those nocturnal emissions!

Quotable

“I don’t know why he tried to kill himself… he could have just had his nose done.”
--The most compassionate Scotty, on Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt

Get Her a MENSA Application!



TRANSCRIPT: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."

Sadly, Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, did NOT win Miss Teen USA. Apparently, you can’t be a total f’ing idiot and take home The Prize. But you can be in the top five.

Mondays Suck... Let's Dance!

I’m off work today (mini vacation). Let’s celebrate with a little dancing!

What do you mean you don’t feel like dancing? Watch the oh-so-adorable Mattew Williams and you’ll dance along—oh, yes. You. Will.

And You Think I’ve Got Too Much Time on My Hands…

I first saw the unintentionally funny comic panels on Yes but No but Yes, but found even more at the source, Super Dickey. Below are some of my favorite panels—anyone who says that superheroes aren’t gay needs to answer to these panels:


"Oh, Archie..."

Eeewwwwww!

Yes, Batman... what have you done with Robin?

All this is because of penis envy?

I know what Batman is doing... but what is Robin up to?

"Hold on, Billy. This is going to hurt at first..."

I'd be done, too. That stuff stings!

The Horror... The Horror...

The three scarriest words in the English language: David Hasselhoff sings.



His voice is okay I guess--but certainly not worthy of idolization in Germany. It's just his attempt at emoting that makes this truly painful to watch. Plus, it is Hasselhoff and he's nucking futz. The ending is the best: listen to his voice quiver. I finally get what Randy means when he says "You sound a little pitchy."

Handbasket? Check.
Reservations? Check.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

Weekend Diversion #1: Shotgun Honeymoon





This guy is the cousin of my sister’s best friend (talk about Six Degrees…). Anyhow, he’s got a nice voice and he’s damn cute. Not available yet on iTunes…

Alexyss Tylor Warns The Gays



Remember Alexyss Tylor? Ms. Vagina Power is back with another hysterical video--this one blaming white men for subverting young black men because they want the young black men “to screw ‘em all in the ass…”

As always, Ms. Tylor has no facts to back up her statements, but I really don’t know if there is any kind of study on men who "suck a dick up till they hiccup..."

Ignorance is bliss… but in this case, it’s hysterical. Yes, she’s a racist. Yes, she’s a homophobe. Yes, she’s dumb as a box of rocks (and not the smart rocks, either). But, she provides endless entertainment—and for that, I am grateful.

I Like ‘Em Large

A lot has been written lately on the NYFD calendar’ cover guy for 2008—Michael Bistera—who was in a guys going wild video showing off his fire hose (nsfw). God love him, the guy is hung huge.

Due to the “scandal,” the NYFD said they were going to pull the calendar and forfeit some $150,000 for fire safety and recruitment programs.

Today, I staggered outside (I'm home with the flu) and found they had mailed the calendar! I thought I got through on some sort of loophole, but when I went to check their website I found the purchase link still active. Upon listening carefully to the press reports, they will not be participating in future calendars.

This is confusing to me: a bunch of firemen shirtless isn’t damaging the department’s credibility, but showing your junk 4 years before you join the fire department does? No, they aren’t upset that he flashed his johnson, they’re upset he’s bigger than they are.

I guess the lesson is: People are afraid of big dicks...

Personally, I think the NYFD will rethink the issue when this calendar sells more than previous calendars and they make a ton of money. That lesson is obvious: Big dicks rule!

PostSecret



PostSecret is one of the most moving sites on the web. Started as an art project a few years ago, Frank Warren had anyone who wished to anonymously mail their secrets on a homemade postcard to his home. The project spawned PostSecret.com—an ongoing art project and the largest advertisement-free Blog on the web—as well as two books.

Some secrets are funny, some strange, many bizarre, and some heartbreakingly tragic—all are fascinating. Every week 20 new secrets are posted on the site to amuse, beguile, scare, sadden and to let others know they are not alone.

This week Frank has posted a video montage of the secrets.

I Have Got to Get Me A Cable Access Show!



Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

Is it just me, or is it pretty much the funniest thing ever when she struggled to get up after doing The Worm? It's just me, then? Alrighty...

False Hope

I'm looking online this morning (slow Monday) and I see something that makes me smile:

Sadly, it's about naming your baby... Damn. The alternative might have made for some really funny YouTube videos...

And then I saw this one:


There is no mention of The Governator in the article (or Conan, for that matter). If spraying the valley makes us all big and strong, then I'm all for it. However, if it shrinks my nuts, I'm against it. That's just how I roll...

Here’s to Reaching Out


We go through life, not realizing the struggles and triumphs of those that have gone before us. Strong praise needs to go to Story Corps—maintained by the Library of Congress and presented each week by NPR.

Today, I listened to the story of Larry Young, who grew up a farmer’s son in Tennessee in the 1940’s. He decided he wanted to go to college, and with no help from his family, he went to the local college, threw two five dollar bills on the counter and asked to be admitted. The administrator questioned the self-described “country boy” on why he wanted to go to college—Mr. Young replied, "I plan to make something out of myself."

Eventually, he was brought to the Dean, who inquired if he knew how to drive a truck. He lied and said, “Yes.” “By the grace of God” he drove a garbage truck that paid his tuition.

No one knew he did not have a place to stay, so he found a spot in the dormitory, between two mattresses. When discovered, he was brought before a disciplinary committee—when they heard his story, they found him a place to stay. “And from that day forward, I never looked back.”

Eventually, he became the first African American director of food sanitation for Detroit Health Department, where he inspired others to reach farther.

Mr. Young’s story is just one of thousands available. But his exemplifies the beauty and simplicity of Story Corps: “I've always felt that, as long as I live, I was going to use my life to reach out and touch another life with hope.”

Listen here.


Some other Story Corps moments I’ve discovered:

Pancakes as A Message of Love (It's all about the love)

Daughter Who Changed Parent’s World (heartbreaking and sweet)

Pip and the Judge (one of my all-time favorite Story Corps items)

One of These Days These Boots Are Gonna Walk All Over You

Lee Hazlewood passed away this weekend. Mr. Hazlewood was known for writing and publishing a number of works, most notably Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots are Made for Walking.” He was 78 years old.

How (you may ask) does this have any connection to me? Well (I answer) I was singing “Boots” back in 1995, when a tragic—and all too common—karaoke accident occurred: I dislocated my knee. Yes. I dislocated my knee whilst mouthing the words, “Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!”

I have never sung that song again.

"These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."

Wherever you are Mr. Hazlewood: "get walkin'!"

We Need You, Howard Beale

I was reading Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish this morning and I saw this:



Howard Beale—played brilliantly by Peter Finch—could give that same speech today, it’s completely relevant to our current situation.

We need someone to get us up off our collective asses and shut Bush/Cheney down. We could use a good ole “Nixon resigning in shame” right about now—and Dubya is just the douchebag to do it.

Come on, people. Get mad as Hell—and don’t take it anymore.

Thankfully, We Only Need One…

Psychologists at the University of Texas at Austin claim to have catalogued over 200 reasons why people have sex. The actual number is 237, which I find amazing because, if I were to ask any of my friends their response would be, “I need a reason?”

They asked 440 men and women to get the results. What guys did they ask? Did anyone answer, “Well, I’m a guy… and I was awake”? because that would be my answer.

Some of the reasons included are:

No. 35 “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about”
No. 78 “I was on the ‘rebound’ (That’s pretty much the only way I get laid…)
No. 141 “I wanted the person to love me” (And we do love you—God bless the
whores!)
No. 46 “I wanted to get a raise” (you’d better be really good…)
No. 52 “Someone offered me money to do it” (God bless the whores!)
No. 133 “I wanted to be nice” (Thank you!)
No. 53 “I wanted to feel closer to God” (God bless the whores!)
No. 107 “I wanted to say ‘thank you.’” (No… thank you)
No. 61 “I wanted to be popular” (God bless the whores!)
No. 70 “Someone dared me” (God bless the easily manipulated)
No. 82 “I wanted to get out of doing something” (I gotta try that the next time
someone cute asks me to help them move: “Instead of that…”)
No. 121 “I didn’t know how to say ‘no.’” (Can we get this person’s address?)
No. 87 “I wanted to change the topic of conversation” (I would love to
be a fly on the wall for that conversation)
No. 15 “I was horny” (Really? That’s the best you can do?)
No. 51 "I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease" (Who said romance is dead?)

It’s almost the weekend, kids. Go find yourself a reason and get busy!

Why Isn’t Brenda Dickson A Gay Icon?

Careful, Brenda—craziness is coming!
She’s campy. She’s beautiful. She’s f’ing bizarre! Josh & Josh (of Josh and Josh are Rich and Famous) have a hysterical post of several of Ms. Dickson’s videos from the 80’s. More importantly, they also link two parody videos of the first two—caution: you will laugh very hard and very loud watching them.

Sliding towards crazy
Brenda is a nut-job beyond belief. She’s not as famous as Lindsay, Paris or Brittany, but just as tragic. (Can you say “schadenfreude”?) She recently went through another divorce and the press releases she issued are amazing. Written in the third person—although, clearly evident Brenda is writing them—they quickly become rambling and incoherent. I’ve read them three times and I’m still not quite sure what’s going on—besides ‘they are all against her.’

The blank look says she's invited crazy to the party...

Two of her best lines are while she is wearing what appears to be leftover from Dynasty: "Do you like this gown? It's very dramatic." and "There was a time in my career when I wouldn't be caught dead in a gown like this." Honey, you shouldn’t be caught alive in it, either.

Of the parody videos, my favorite line has to be “My vagine is so big I had to underline it." seconded by “I'm a pirate." (You’ll understand when you see the video).

Welcome to Crazytown--population: YOU!
You really only need to watch about half of the first video to get an idea of what she’s like (crazy), but definitely watch the parodies.

The Continuing Descent of Lindsay Lohan’s Career

With only $3.1 million for its opening weekend, there is a reason the studio decided not to let the press review Lindsay Lohan’s latest film. Well, the reviews for "I Know Who Killed Me" are in. And like Lindsay, it’s pretty sad. The film appears to be yet another nail in the coffin that is Lindsay Lohan’s career:

"After a 20 minute delay in starting the movie, I had to assume the projector was taking an ethical stand and refusing to be party to the heinous act of showing this movie" Probably the best bad review… ever.

As always, thanks to dlisted.

Spider Pig
(Choral Version)



"Why should I pay for something I get for free on TV?"
--Homer J. Simpson, The Simpsons Movie

Answer: Because The Simpsons Movie is friggin' genius.

I cannot discuss this movie without giving too much away. I'll say only this: Itchy & Scratchy have found a new level of genius, the writers and producers are geniuses, Spider Pig rocks, Homer saves the day, and--while hysterical--I hope never to see Bart naked again.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...

I'm off for a few days for my birthday...

...Let's hope I have a little 'birthday luck'!

"Big Ginger"

"Big Ginger" is what Prince Harry's girlfriend has nicknamed him. Is this anything like "Firecrotch" for Lohan? If it is, I'm in love...

When You Care Enough To Hit Send

Check out someecards--they're hysterical. A small sampling is below. Enjoy the weekend!

For Republicans Seeking a Political Savior

I first saw this on Andrew Sullivan’s blog. It is an interesting thought posed by David Boaz at the Cato-at-Liberty blog—part of the Cato Institute:

I’d like to see a pollster ask conservative Christians two questions:

1. Would you support a presidential candidate who is divorced, has estranged relations with his children, never sees his grandchildren, rarely attends church, strongly opposes a law to ban gays from teaching school, and as governor signed the nation’s most liberal abortion law?

2. Would you support him if you knew his name was Ronald Reagan?


Makes you wonder if those idiots at FOX News have any idea who Reagan really was...

Let’s Dance Wednesday




How can you watch this video and not laugh?
How can you listen to Mika and not dance?

Two more days ‘til the weekend, kids. Enjoy the music.

(Hopefully) My Last Comment on Libby’s Clemency

Something from Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish… Bush is a colossal ass—he lies, he cheats, he lies, he swears, and he claims to be compassionate. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It Isn’t Easy Being Green

From the AP:
“The son of former Vice President Al Gore was arrested early Wednesday in Orange County on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs.

“Albert Gore III was taken into custody about 2:15 a.m. after Orange County sheriff's deputies stopped him for driving about 100 mph in his Toyota Prius on the southbound Interstate 5.

“Deputies detected the ‘strong odor of marijuana,’ and a search of the car found marijuana and prescription drugs Vicodin, Valium, Xanax and Adderall, an amphetamine used to treat attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.”

REALLY? 100mph in a freakin’ Prius?! No way! How is that possible? I thought pot was supposed to slow you down. Al III got game! He and the Bush daughters should get together and party!

Keep Drinking

Johnny Walker has come up with an interesting television ad campaign—I’m not sure where they are running these, but I’m almost certain they are running in China (big hint: the last one is in Chinese). The campaign is “Keep Walking.” They are all fascinating to watch—particularly the first one.

Happy Fourth of July!

Hometown Hero (Part II)

In our last installment, San Jose's pride and joy was a drug dealer, being sued by Hershey's for selling pot in packaging simliar to their "delicious" confections. Now, we have a hot dog eating champ. Will the glory never end?

From the Associated Press:

Joey Chestnut is officially weighed in for Wednesday's Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest at Nathan's Famous at New York's Coney Island, Tuesday, July 3, 2007, in New York. Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HDBs" _ hot dogs and buns _ during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe. Chestnut placed second in last year's Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest, consuming 52 hot dogs. (AP Photo / Louis Lanzano)

Greatest Marketing Gimmick… EVER.

7-Eleven is tying in with the release of The Simpsons Movie this summer by re-imagining 12 of their stores as Kwik-E-Marts—both inside and out. Genius! Absolute genius!

The employees are in Apu-styled Kwik-E-Mart smocks, the hot dogs are “bun-o-licious”, they sell Buzz Cola, Krusty-O’s Cereal, and best of all: Squishees! Silly? Yes. But there are lines of people waiting to get into a friggin’ 7-Eleven! When has that ever happened before?

Unfortunately, they were out of Buzz Cola when I arrived, but they had plenty of Krusty-O’s and Squishees. I got a very delicious "WooHoo! Blue Vanilla Squishee" (mmmm… Vanilla Squishee… aaaaggh…). I did appreciate the sign on the front door that read: “Thank you for loitering.”

The best part: as I was leaving the Indian guy behind the counter—without a hint of irony—said, “Thank you, come again.” No, Apu, thank you.

Bush Commutes Libby Prison Sentence
(Founding Fathers Weep Uncontrollably)


traitor


Jeez… even Paris Hilton did 23 days for driving on a suspended license. But operate in what best can be described as a treasonous act? Commuted sentence.

Nice.

We’ll just add that to the long list of Bush Administration offences.

Am I the only one who realizes that the man who has sworn—with his hand on the bible, no less—to uphold The Constitution of the United States, as pretty much just shredded it?

I’m sure our do-nothing Congress will be all flustered for the cameras and then will quietly go on with their summer vacation.

Why I Love CNN

While CNN put The Idiot on Larry King for a freakin’ hour—leave it to Anderson Cooper to cut her shit down. If I wasn’t in love with Anderson before, I love him more now.

Here are a few YouTube clips from Anderson Cooper:

What I Wouldn't Give...

...for tickets to this show! Just look at the cast and tell me you don't agree. (If you don't... don't tell me, I'll just be disappointed in you).