Spank Bank Friday

I'm off tomorrow, so I'm posting this a bit early. I don't want you kids to go without for the weekend. His name is Evandro Soldati... I call him "Smokin'!"

Nice Pec!

Pull those pants down a skoatch more...

Nice Package

Rest Peacefully, George Carlin

image copyright New York Times

Comic George Carlin passed away this weekend at the age of 71. I think he was one of those few comics that appealed to both parents and their teenagers in the 70’s. His obituary is here.

Below is part of his classic bit on “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television.” The first time I heard it I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants.

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7 Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7—don't you?—that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. "Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits" Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cocksucker and Motherfucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer."

It's like an assault on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinckle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accidental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said, "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie clichés we grew up with. "Okay, Sherriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow."

I’m Voting Republican

They make a good point:



From the fun folks at Synthetic Human Pictures. (Check out Tip Jar, it’s pretty funny… and accurate.)


For those of you who don’t give a damn about politics—and therefore want us all to die—here are two videos from The Onion News Network that are pretty damn funny.


Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children�s Healthcare



High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Can't Wait...

Word.


I couldn't say it better myself. Reasons to Outlaw Gay Marriage, by Guy Dads (an adorable couple who describe themselves as "Two gay fathers meet and fall in love. Married in a Jewish wedding ceremony on June 19, 2005". Good fathers. Good people. Good read.

Do You Know Where You Were…

…when the first gay folks got married?

Today, June 16, 2008 at 5:01pm, The Gays will be able to get legally married in the State of California. There will be flowers. There will be tears. There will be happiness and joy of a previously unimaginative intensity. It has been a long time coming.

Like the gentrification of old neighborhoods, The Gays will come in and wrestle marriage from its staid trappings and make it wonderful and fabulous again. Like the fashion industry, The Gays will set a new standard in style and behavior for weddings. We will pull it up from its depressed state and make The Hets realize that Star Trek Weddings and Fat-Elvis Impersonators should be banished forever.

Once marriages are “fixed” we can move to the next step to show The Hets how things are done: Divorce.

“Scandalous divorces” happen all the time for The Hets. Right now, there’s some woman on YouTube babbling about her husband’s porn and Viagra. It’s all the rage. People are constantly talking about it. Really. They are. The question is… why?

After decades of watching Dynasty and the soaps, we understand drama. We understand shocking. We understand scandal.

And we do it so much better!

Just think of the fantastic divorces! The information flying out from each camp. The dirt. The fantastic dirt! You can practically smell it! “He told me to call him ‘my little piss pig’” or “After fisting him…”

Information will flow like the Bush White House on a witch hunt. Nothing will be sacred, including weddings. Considering the way weddings have been handled up to now will be no different today than yesterday. Fixed up or not, we will be equal… as we should be.

Size Matters

According to this dude, size really does matter, but not in the way one would think. According to his “studies”, the ideal length of a penis is 6 ¼ and 6 ½ inches, with the girth between 7 ¼ and 8 ¼ inches. He has a number of theories on penises—a hobby I can easily relate to—which can be found on his website.

I won’t tell you where I am on the chart, but I am pleased to have the nickname “Beer can.” I’m not saying, I’m just sayin’…

Note this is for the ladies to use… The Gay Boys know that there is no such thing as an unenjoyable penis—and there is no such thing as “too big”.

Guys, see where you fall on the chart:

What If…

Someone planned for a different outcome on the Hillary/Barak battle—but I don’t think all this effort should go to waste. Excellent work on the cut & paste work.

Spank Bank Friday

I couldn't decide on a pic, so I selected three for this warm weekend. With the nice weather, we should all try and get outside, find the one that inspires you. Your choices are:

The Pretty Boy*...

...The Jock...

...and The Intellectual.

Alone or all together, they are all very spankable! Have a great weekend!



*Pretty Boy also appears to be kind of douche-y. And, yet, I still like him.

Holy Sh*t!

This is awful. Disgusting, tragic, horrific, nasty, shameful, painful, sad… and a little bit funny. If you’re the sensitive type, I wouldn’t watch. The title of the page is “Jacuzi Poop”, so you pretty much know what’s coming.

Still, I didn’t expect THIS.

The poor girl. She probably thought, only a few more minutes and then I’ll tell them, “Wow, I got out of there just in time.” Instead she gets a lifetime of shame. It’s one thing have something like this happen, it’s another to have it video-tapped.

If I were her, I’d move… to another country. There is just no recovering from this. You are shamed for life. You’re a viral video that everyone will watch (well, everyone that’s watched Two Girls and a Cup).

And that Jacuzzi! Who’d ever want to sit in that again? Jacuzzi’s are pretty nasty to begin with, but I don’t think there is enough bleach in the world to make me feel comfortable enough to climb back in that. I hope that was paid off.

Spank Bank Friday

As an added bonus, a little YouTube action--Cheyenne Jackson backstage at Xanadu.

I saw this at Towleroad... "A terrycloth bathrobe could die of loneliness in this theater!"

Why, God, Why?

Why must Hollywood ruin all our memories? This looks just awful. Awful.



What did they do, take everything that was great in the original and throw it out? Go watch the original—note, I did not write “rent the original”, you should own this film. It’s a masterpiece of writing, directing, and acting.

A Lot Going On Here

Cav sent me this pic, with the subject line "There's a Lot Going On Here."

My, oh my, he is right. There certainly does seem to be a lot going on here. I'm going to guess the very happy young man is "family" (look at those glasses!) and the rather angry gentleman in the back is Secret Service.

If I were the gay guy in this picture, I must admit I would be reacting the same way. Although I would be turned about 90 degrees to my left...

Spank Bank Friday

I'm sorry, but as Spank Bank's go, I don't think the above pic goes far enough. Sure, the guys are hot, the bods are nice, and they're very cute. But it's summertime and expectations are higher. More skin needs to be shown. Still, I like the idea of having the backdrop as beautiful as the men.

If only there were a way to improve upon this...

..and there is! Behold, the same hotties, same bods, same National Park (Yosemite), but now improved by 50% more shirtlessness!


Have a sexy, shirtless weekend!

Harvey Korman


When I was a little gay boy growing up in the quaint suburbs of El Pueblo de San José de Guadalupe, playing in the Lincoln Glen Little League, I would stand in deep left field praying that the ball wouldn’t come to me… for surely I would drop it.

However, there was one other thought that came to my mind: Carol Burnett is on tonight! In the early 70’s the greatest night for television was Saturday night. All in the Family, The Jeffersons, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show and capped off with the always hysterical The Carol Burnett Show. (CBS was not too original on their titles, were they?)

Carol Burnett was by far my favorite because it was such a great show—so many great characters. I used to wait for the inevitable moment when Tim Conway and Harvey Korman would try and make each other laugh. There was that moment—that slight smile—that let the other know that they had them. And they would exploit it until the other broke character. Harvey usually played straight man to Tim’s goofiness, but every now and again, Harvey would get Tim.



And it was classic.

One of my favorite lines of all time was spoken by Harvey, in the 1974 classic Blazing Saddles: “You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor.”



Harvey Korman passed away today after a four month battle from a rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm. He was 81.

While I had not seen him on television in quite some time, I must admit I got teary-eyed when I heard of his passing. He provided many wonderful memories during my childhood and his passing pushes that time of innocence farther away.

Thank you, Harvey, for helping to fill my childhood with laughter. You will be missed.

Oh, and Harvey? When you get to heaven, be sure to “go out and do that voodoo, that you do… so WE-E-E-E-LLLL!

Spank Bank Friday

The guy in front must have an awesome ass... it certainly seems to be turning on the guy behind him! Have a great and safe Memorial Day Weekend!

6,000 Pounds


Tomorrow night is my last night working at The Bakery. I’ve spent just under a year working on my externship every Friday night/Saturday morning from Midnight until 8:00am, or so. Every night I would have to make three batches each of Buttercream and Cream Cheese frostings, as well as a batch of the Red Velvet frosting—just under 140 lbs. of frosting per shift. Multiply that out by the number of shifts and it came up to almost 6,000 pounds—that’s a lot of frosting… (and almost the weight of a female African Elephant!)

I really enjoyed my time at Sibby’s. Everyone is wonderful to work with, Rachel has been a dream of a boss—she’s smart, funny, relaxed and knows her stuff. I will miss them all terribly… but I need my weekends—downtime is important. So is sleep.

California Bear Flag

Courtesy Joe.My.God.

Nucking Futz

I can say is that these women are crazy! For those of you that worship at the Altar of Oprah, move along. For those of you who don’t worship—here’s something to make you scratch your head and go “huh?”

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Moving a One-Hundred Year-Old Church

From a new National Geographic series on Monster Moves. The opening is AWESOME.




Thanks to Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish...

Fashion Forward or Fashion Victim?

Think Twice Before Teasing a Star Wars Geek

Gotta Mail Me a Letter...
Looks like The Chairman of the Board is getting his own stamp. Cool, baby, cool...

Spank Bank Friday: Balls!


I love Rugby... oh, who am I kidding? I love Rugby players!

Weekend Fun

This past weekend, Jill and I went to see Terese Genecco (and her little big band) at the Rrazz Room in SF this weekend. What a show! She’s fantastic! What a throwback to the days of showmanship and real entertainment. I spent the entire time with a huge grin on my face.

Her little big band is bigger than most bands—seven very talented musicians. What is amazing is that her band is not the same every night. She gets her friends to join her, so it’s always changing, yet it sounded like they’ve been playing for years. Her bass player, Danny (somethingorother… I forget)*, I met when I was in New Orleans in 2006. He’s very cool—you can see him groovin’ out in the background HERE. (He's cute... but tragically straight.)

The Rrazz Room, at the Hotel Nikko, is a new space, but it’s booked by the guys same guys who booked the now defunct Plush Room. If you’re in SF and want some late-night fun—the show starts at 10:30pm—then you definitely need to go.

[UPDATE: Danny's last name is Fabricant! Ms. Genecco commented... ain't THAT a kick in the head?! And we are SO going back on the 24th! You crazy kids in the area--join us!]

[Another Update: Congratulations to Terese and Her *Little Big Band* for receiving the 2008 MAC award for best recording at the 22nd annual MAC (Manhattan Association of Cabarets & Clubs) Awards in NYC!]

This American Life

If you’re not listening to This American Life on NPR, their podcast on iTunes, or watching a whole new presentation on Showtime, you’re missing out on a fantastic experience. The stories are unique, interesting, funny, sad, and compelling—you can not hear these stories and not come away without laughing, crying, learning or sitting there slack-jawed.

Here is a funny little story from the Showtime version (with terrific animation):



And if you don't think I have a thing for Ira Glass, you're wrong. I love him something awful...

Photobombing

Photobombing is the act of ruining someone else's nice little picture. While the picture above had me laughing out loud at work, some of the others on List of The Day almost had me peeing in my pants. Absolutely hysterical. Go. Read. Laugh.

I'm going to keep this close, so when my day is really horrible, and I can't see the light through the darkness, I'll still be able to laugh my f'ing ass off.

Spank Bank Friday

James Ellis

Sanctity/Skanktity…

Here’s another one for those “sanctity of marriage” defenders: Mariah Carey married her boyfriend of two months Nick Cannon… (also known as “Who?” You know, he’s that guy that was in that drumming movie with the 7-Up Guy… no, not THAT 7-Up Guy, but the other 7-Up Guy). Two men (or women… womyn?) that have loved and supported each other for years should not get married, but two idiot celebrities can do it on a whim? Vegas already has odds of when they are going to divorce (I’m pretty confident of my prediction of September 22, 2008).

Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll sign off on the Defense of Marriage Act—including barring gays and lesbians from marriage, IF (and it’s a big fucking if…) it includes a ban on divorce for any reason whatsoever. These are the same people who believe that abortion for any reason whatsoever is murder, so if you’re going to defend marriage, then be prepared to really and truly defend it.

Considering that a number of the sponsors of the DoMA are on their second and third marriages, I feel pretty safe that no one is going to want to defend marriage quite that much…

First, The Knees... Now, My Ears

There is a story in the news about shops in England using a high-pitched frequency—nicknamed “The Mosquito”—to scatter teenagers to prevent their loitering about. The frequency cannot be heard by adults over a certain age, so kids hate it and adults don’t notice. Sounds fine by me…

However, leave it to those crafty kids to make that work for them—they’ve now devised a way to use the sound as a ring-tone for their phones that their parents and teachers cannot hear… leaving them to text and call leaving adults none the wiser.

One of the sites where downloading is available lists the approximate age one should be to hear the tone. I can easily hear in the above 60, at 60 and at 50… after that, I’m pretty much done. At the ripe old age of 43, I have the hearing of a 50 year old.

I blame listening to Cheap Trick to loud on my headphones as a teenager.*

If you want to test your hearing—and I’m sure this is entirely scientific—check out their website HERE.

*Okay, who am I kidding? It was Funny Girl—damn you, Barbra Streisand!

99 Days...

Only 99 days until the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. Say what you will about the controversies and China's policies, I'm still looking forward to this. I love the Olympics: the pomp, circumstance and pageantry... the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, the human drama of athletic competition...

I fully admit to getting teary-eyed when the torch gets lit and I'm a bit wistful when it is extinguished two weeks later. Plus, any chance to see hot looking guys sweating is always good in my book.

Spank Bank Friday

Hey, Brady! Call me!

Brady Quinn... über-hottie

Have a great weekend!

UPDATE: Straight from Towelroad: Brady gives rookie Chris Long a Hummer! Oh, if only it were the good kind and not the energy-wasting, Ozone-depleting, gas-guzzling, road-hogging POS truck...(But one can dream... and there's another shirtless pic of Brady...!)

Healthy Living

In today's New York Times, wellness columnist Tara Parker explains why your ability to do a push-up is linked to how well you age. According to the calculator, not only am I unfit, but I've been dead for three years, but just didn't know it.

I could do 27 push-ups... I just choose not to do them... because I can't.

By the way, Jack LaLanne is 93 years old and can still do finger push-ups. Friggin' show off...!

True Friendship

I’m almost sure this has been around for a while, but I’ve received as spate of ‘warm and fuzzy’ emails on friendship lately, that I think we all need a reminder of what ‘true friendship’ really is.

'True' Friendship—None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

• When you are sad—I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
  
• When you are blue—I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
  
• When you smile—I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
  
• When you are scared—I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
  
• When you are worried—I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
  
• When you are confused—I will use little words.
  
• When you are sick—Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
  
• When you fall—I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants--everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move the body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends; then get depressed because you can only think of 4.



Special thanks to Heather for sending this... you're a true friend. Oh, and if that shovel offer still stands, give me a call.

Crème That Egg

Check out Joseph Herscher's six month effort to create a Rube Goldberg-ish device to smash a Cadbury Egg.




Credit for finding this cool video goes to the amazing Towleroad

Spank Bank Weekend

Here's three to bank for the weekend.

Definitely the one on the right

If you need a snack, his nipple is available
Seriously, that is just begging to be chewed!
And by the way... move your freakin' hand!

That reminds me... I need to do laundry this weekend...

Is Homosexuality a Choice?

If you won’t listen to me, try watching an animated video!




Thanks to Ryan for finding this

Bread. Butter. Cheese. Victory!


There is a God… and he likes Cheese! If you’re like me—and I pray that you are not—you love the creamy/crunchy/delicious taste of grilled cheese sandwiches. I love ‘em with ‘merican cheese, or gruyere, cheddar, swiss, combinations of any or all… ham or tomatoes (or both!) make for great additions…

…damn! I am salivating!

The Grilled Cheese Invitational has been created to assist those with a love of grilled cheese and/or competitions can find a way of combining the two. If you live in the Los Angeles area, it’s this weekend.

Lest you think that I am joking or that the competition is a joke, there are strict rules. No flame-throwers… ever! They’re rather strict on this rule…

There are regional competitions, so if you think you’ve got the stuff, then get out there and GRILL! I intend to try for the regionals for next year… until then, I’ll have to be content with a t-shirt.

Credit to Boing-Boing for pointing this out...

The Future is NOW


Wallpaper that lights up a room... finally, the future is here and flying cars are just around the corner! Well, maybe not the flying cars (damn!) but this way-cool wallpaper is available. Designer Jonas Samson came up with the idea for his postgraduate degree (I'm assuming he got his degree in Fabulousness of Design... he's Dutch, it's possible). If price is no object, then you will be able to afford it.

We are on our way to robots doing all our work, pills for meals, and teleportation!



Muchos thanks to Scooter for sending me this...

Dude’s Got Wood*

This is just too biz-f’n-zarre! Read the story HERE. Frankly, I love the fact that he’s wearing a GAP shirt… I’m sure GAP feels otherwise.

If he were smart he’d contact some guy to whittle his hands into something useful… like hands.

Parents should use this picture to keep their little boys from playing with himself: “See what happens when you touch yourself? Keep your thoughts clean!” Man, if someone were to tell me that when I was a kid I never would have touched it. Think of all the free time I would have had!

*Alternate headline: "Even Trees Wear Khakis"

The Return of The King

I gotta say that the April 12 Saturday Night Live was way up there in terms of actually being funny. The opening lasted WAY too long, but the rest of the show just nailed it. Silly as it was, the Death By Chocolate with Ashton Kutcher really made me laugh—probably because it was so ridiculous.

Two skits really stood out. First, Kristen Wiig as Jamie Lee Curtis was beyond brilliant. Her impersonation is dead-on and her timing is impeccable.



The second skit that had me rolling was The Cougar Show. I have friends that actually deal with these women and from his descriptions, this is right-perfect.



Hail the return of SNL… just in time, because MadTV has gone into the crapper so deep, I don’t know if it can return (seriously, when half your bits depend on the incredibly unfunny Bobby Lee, you are in deep-deep trouble).

Spank Bank Friday

John Barrowman. Start of Torchwood. I've heard he's arogant... but if I looked like him and sang like him, I would be too. He was the Blonde Nazi singing Springtime for Hitler in The Producers. He looked good as a blonde (and as a Nazi, which I feel terrible about... and should be strictly punished for!). Did I mention he's a 'mo? Yeah... probably a nasty top (but in my dreams he's an insatiable bottom...!)

Have a great weekend!

Best Game Ever

Improv Anywhere gives The Best Game of Their Lives to two Little League baseball teams. Totally awesome.



Thanks to Cav for passing this along!

How Much of A Geek Are You?

Apparently, I'm at a way-cool 63%...


Created by OnePlusYou

Spank Bank

Moving as far away from my previous post as possible... here's a little somethin' to help get you through this long week... Go Fighting Irish!

Someone Bring Me My Soapbox!

What is this bullshit going on with the Olympic torch relay? In London, protestors attacked the runners, trying to wrestle the torch from them. At another point in the route, someone discharged a fire extinguisher at the runner. Today in Paris, there was pandemonium and enough security warranted for a state visit. The runners had to jump onto a bus to escape the mobs. On Wednesday the relay comes to San Francisco… The nutjobs in SF LIVE for this kind of stuff.

Look, I’m a card-carrying liberal. I’m appalled at what China is doing in Tibet, and I stand with the Dali Lama and all those that wish to peacefully restore Tibet. While the Olympics are to be held in China this year, the Olympics are about Sport, not Politics. I appreciate the spirit of those that are protesting. I believe in Free Speech. I believe that China is in the wrong. However, when you deny someone’s right to free speech, you are no different than those you are protesting. Attacking the runners isn’t really addressing the problem, is it?

So… there are no more urgent issues in the world? Afghanistan is all honky-dory? Africa is doing just fine? Darfur is settled and everyone is happy and content—no one hacking anyone to death because they’re from the “wrong” tribe? Yes, the political situation in Tibet is awful—but Africa is pretty much a consistent lesson in genocide. But, genocide is a real downer, isn’t it? Protesting China is more cool. Even though half the crap you buy is from China—China’s bad, right? But not bad enough you want to throw out those clothes you got real cheap… Better to disrupt a parade, because—when you think about it—that’s what the Dali Lama’s five-point peace plan for Tibet was all about.

Speaking of… what’s the Dali Lama’s take on the situation? Non-violence. Non-fucking-violence. He’s had that opinion since China invaded Tibet in 1950. See a problem here?


Um… let’s see if I’ve got this straight: You fight oppression of free speech by oppression someone’s right to free speech and you answer a call for non-violence with violence. I think George Bush’s job of turning the world into idiots who behave just like him is complete.

I may not be all that bright, but I know that the bullshit has got to stop and we've got to start protesting things that aren't "cool" or have an easy solution. While Tibet does matter, it has been fifty years since China invaded... now is the time we need to make a stand? Against the swimmers, the long-distance runners, those women that look like 12 year-old boys on the balance beam... this is what we're protesting against?

[Sounds of crickets chirping]

[Chris steps slowly off of soapbox]

Um... and now back to our regularly scheduled garbage:

WTF?

I saw this over at List of the Day (which is my new favorite website). I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it is both frightening and hysterical. God knows I love fart jokes (I’m classy that way) but what are they teaching kids? Anyone speak Dutch?

Bye, Chuck

I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the passing of Charlton Heston at the ripe old age of 84.* Say what you will about the man’s politics—remember his classic speech at the NRA: “From my cold, dead hands…!”—the man could act. His distinctive voice and classic looks made him a star in the 1950’s and he remained a distinct presence in the American film industry ever since.

Here is Mr. Heston in one of his most enduring roles in the best surprise ending in filmmaking… ever.





*Funny thing… as I get older, 84 doesn’t seem quite as old as it was when I was in my 20's…

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

If you're a regular reader (I know there's one of you... I'm watching you, too...) you'll notice a few changese in the ole S&T this week. I felt the need to delete some old links (several of them were dead) and to add some new ones. I also found that I had several links on there twice, but no one ever noticed--or said anything (thankyouverymuch).

I hope you like the changes--I'm out of my blue phase...

What the Frak is Going On?

For those of you who are not addicted to the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi, you should be. If you want to catch up on fours season for the final season premiere -in a mere 8 minutes- click HERE... Fraking awesome!!!

Stairway to Stardom!

Why these people never found fame is beyond me.

Get Me Jesus!


What. A. Tease.


Her Name Was Lola, She Was a… WTF?


Thanks to The Chaser Blog for leading me to this…

Kickin' Ass!

I have five neices and nephews and never worried that they would attack me... except when they were about five. For some reason I worried. I guess I had no need to, apparently, I could easily take them:

19

Good thing there are only five of them... otherwise, I'd be screwed.

The Fools of April

Google always finds a neat trick for April Fools. This year, Google combined with Virgin to create Virgle: The Adventure of Many Lifetimes. It is the chance to colonize Mars!

They did a really nice job creating a 100 year plan (check out the escape pods from Virgle City), as well as testing your potential to noting that Mars will be an “open source planet.”

It’s very funny and worth taking their “Test Your Pioneering Potential” quiz. My two favorite questions were:

Q: If I was unexpectedly confronted with the emergence of a bewilderingly alien and frighteningly advanced Martian life form which appeared bent on killing me if I failed to quickly and effectively communicate my peaceful intentions and potential value to its civilization, I would

a) Die
b) Whip out my handy universal transcorder and start schmoozing my ass off.
c) Well, given that there's no such thing as a transcorder that works for a Martian language that we haven't even heard yet, I guess I'd just do my best to seem non-threatening while communicating my peaceful intentions with subtly universal hand gestures.
d) Run straight toward the Martian while screaming wildly and brandishing whatever weapon happens to be handy.

(I picked “A”. “D” was a close second…)

Q: A multi-stage heavy lift rocket built using established solid and liquid propellant technology with solid boosters doubled for increased payload capability could start a burn for insertion into a lunar trajectory and then back toward Earth for final insertion into a modified Hohmann Transfer Orbit, increasing its final Earth-to-Mars transfer velocity through a periapsis delta-v burn performed at the closest lunar and subsequent Earth approach, with the additional delta v gained on account of the potential energy from the mass of expended propellant,

A) Actually, I would think fairly quickly and easily
B) Only with significant time and fuel expenditure
C) My SAT tutor said to always guess C if you aren't sure
D) goo goo ga ga hee hee ha ha

(I picked “C”)

I’m curious how many people believed and signed up…