Someone Bring Me My Soapbox!

What is this bullshit going on with the Olympic torch relay? In London, protestors attacked the runners, trying to wrestle the torch from them. At another point in the route, someone discharged a fire extinguisher at the runner. Today in Paris, there was pandemonium and enough security warranted for a state visit. The runners had to jump onto a bus to escape the mobs. On Wednesday the relay comes to San Francisco… The nutjobs in SF LIVE for this kind of stuff.

Look, I’m a card-carrying liberal. I’m appalled at what China is doing in Tibet, and I stand with the Dali Lama and all those that wish to peacefully restore Tibet. While the Olympics are to be held in China this year, the Olympics are about Sport, not Politics. I appreciate the spirit of those that are protesting. I believe in Free Speech. I believe that China is in the wrong. However, when you deny someone’s right to free speech, you are no different than those you are protesting. Attacking the runners isn’t really addressing the problem, is it?

So… there are no more urgent issues in the world? Afghanistan is all honky-dory? Africa is doing just fine? Darfur is settled and everyone is happy and content—no one hacking anyone to death because they’re from the “wrong” tribe? Yes, the political situation in Tibet is awful—but Africa is pretty much a consistent lesson in genocide. But, genocide is a real downer, isn’t it? Protesting China is more cool. Even though half the crap you buy is from China—China’s bad, right? But not bad enough you want to throw out those clothes you got real cheap… Better to disrupt a parade, because—when you think about it—that’s what the Dali Lama’s five-point peace plan for Tibet was all about.

Speaking of… what’s the Dali Lama’s take on the situation? Non-violence. Non-fucking-violence. He’s had that opinion since China invaded Tibet in 1950. See a problem here?


Um… let’s see if I’ve got this straight: You fight oppression of free speech by oppression someone’s right to free speech and you answer a call for non-violence with violence. I think George Bush’s job of turning the world into idiots who behave just like him is complete.

I may not be all that bright, but I know that the bullshit has got to stop and we've got to start protesting things that aren't "cool" or have an easy solution. While Tibet does matter, it has been fifty years since China invaded... now is the time we need to make a stand? Against the swimmers, the long-distance runners, those women that look like 12 year-old boys on the balance beam... this is what we're protesting against?

[Sounds of crickets chirping]

[Chris steps slowly off of soapbox]

Um... and now back to our regularly scheduled garbage:

WTF?

I saw this over at List of the Day (which is my new favorite website). I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it is both frightening and hysterical. God knows I love fart jokes (I’m classy that way) but what are they teaching kids? Anyone speak Dutch?

Bye, Chuck

I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the passing of Charlton Heston at the ripe old age of 84.* Say what you will about the man’s politics—remember his classic speech at the NRA: “From my cold, dead hands…!”—the man could act. His distinctive voice and classic looks made him a star in the 1950’s and he remained a distinct presence in the American film industry ever since.

Here is Mr. Heston in one of his most enduring roles in the best surprise ending in filmmaking… ever.





*Funny thing… as I get older, 84 doesn’t seem quite as old as it was when I was in my 20's…

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

If you're a regular reader (I know there's one of you... I'm watching you, too...) you'll notice a few changese in the ole S&T this week. I felt the need to delete some old links (several of them were dead) and to add some new ones. I also found that I had several links on there twice, but no one ever noticed--or said anything (thankyouverymuch).

I hope you like the changes--I'm out of my blue phase...

What the Frak is Going On?

For those of you who are not addicted to the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi, you should be. If you want to catch up on fours season for the final season premiere -in a mere 8 minutes- click HERE... Fraking awesome!!!

Stairway to Stardom!

Why these people never found fame is beyond me.

Get Me Jesus!


What. A. Tease.


Her Name Was Lola, She Was a… WTF?


Thanks to The Chaser Blog for leading me to this…

Kickin' Ass!

I have five neices and nephews and never worried that they would attack me... except when they were about five. For some reason I worried. I guess I had no need to, apparently, I could easily take them:

19

Good thing there are only five of them... otherwise, I'd be screwed.

The Fools of April

Google always finds a neat trick for April Fools. This year, Google combined with Virgin to create Virgle: The Adventure of Many Lifetimes. It is the chance to colonize Mars!

They did a really nice job creating a 100 year plan (check out the escape pods from Virgle City), as well as testing your potential to noting that Mars will be an “open source planet.”

It’s very funny and worth taking their “Test Your Pioneering Potential” quiz. My two favorite questions were:

Q: If I was unexpectedly confronted with the emergence of a bewilderingly alien and frighteningly advanced Martian life form which appeared bent on killing me if I failed to quickly and effectively communicate my peaceful intentions and potential value to its civilization, I would

a) Die
b) Whip out my handy universal transcorder and start schmoozing my ass off.
c) Well, given that there's no such thing as a transcorder that works for a Martian language that we haven't even heard yet, I guess I'd just do my best to seem non-threatening while communicating my peaceful intentions with subtly universal hand gestures.
d) Run straight toward the Martian while screaming wildly and brandishing whatever weapon happens to be handy.

(I picked “A”. “D” was a close second…)

Q: A multi-stage heavy lift rocket built using established solid and liquid propellant technology with solid boosters doubled for increased payload capability could start a burn for insertion into a lunar trajectory and then back toward Earth for final insertion into a modified Hohmann Transfer Orbit, increasing its final Earth-to-Mars transfer velocity through a periapsis delta-v burn performed at the closest lunar and subsequent Earth approach, with the additional delta v gained on account of the potential energy from the mass of expended propellant,

A) Actually, I would think fairly quickly and easily
B) Only with significant time and fuel expenditure
C) My SAT tutor said to always guess C if you aren't sure
D) goo goo ga ga hee hee ha ha

(I picked “C”)

I’m curious how many people believed and signed up…

“Take a bite out of this, bitch”



I'll be baking tonight... only not anything this cool.

Osama Found?

As Mark from Tales of the Sissy calls it: "Osama's gay brother: Osama Been Shoppin". After my rant earlier, this made me smile...

Flipping Past Jay Leno

I’ve never liked Jay Leno. I never found him that funny. Amusing? Sure. Funny? Not so much. Letterman? Hysterical. Even when he’s not that funny, he’s really funny. Remember when Johnny Carson told a joke that bombed? It was almost better than when he was funny. Letterman reminds me of that. He can take a bad moment and work it for the next half hour. Leno? He has writers that are… um, bad. I once saw one of his writers at a comedy show. The guy actually billed himself as “a writer for Jay Leno.” I’m sure Jay’s lousy comedy isn’t all this guy’s fault, but jeez… he sucked. Jay apparently goes for quantity over quality. His jokes may suck, but he does tell a lot of them…

Jay, crapping on our TVs...

Jay has this squeamishness about gays. It’s like high school kids discussing anything about sex outside of blow job and missionary: giggling, misunderstanding, and complete idiocy. Letterman, on the other hand, you can tell isn’t into it—he gives that look of “ewww”—but, at the same time, he isn’t laughing at the gays. It’s not Dave’s cup of tea, but he’s not mocking them. Douchebag Leno is.

Well, a number of people are finally fed up with Mr. Leno. Of particular note is Jeff Whitty (playwright, most notably for Avenue Q), who wrote a letter a few years back that went viral on the internet. He got some press coverage and eventually spoke with Jay. Jeff thought that Jay understood a bit.

Nope. Stupid is as stupid does.



Recently, Jay Leno had Ryan Phillipe on his show and Jay felt that Ryan’s playing a gay teen early in his career (One Life to Live) was great fodder for the morons that still watch the mess he’s made of The Tonight Show. He asked Ryan to give his “gayest look.”

What. A. Douchebag.

Jeff Whitty decided he needed to address the situation one more time and posted a brilliant picture where he gives his “gayest look” to Mr. Leno:


Well, it hasn’t taken long for others to follow suit and post tons of pictures of people giving their gayest look to Jay Leno. (I love me some Melissa McEwan at Shakesville.)

Feel free to send on your “gayest look.” For me, I prefer this gay look:

Ten years on…

Next time you’re flipping channels late at night, be sure to give Jay your gayest look and then keep flipping until you get to Letterman.

[UPDATE: You know, I feel bad I neglected Jon Stewart and Craig Ferguson in my late night TV discussion above. Jon is brilliant in just about everything he does--and The Daily Show is completely in its element right now with the election. But Craig is often ignored because he's on so much later (hence, his aptly named show: "The Late Late Show". Jon has always been good to the gays, calling the b.s. when he sees it. This clip from TLLS is a prime example of how funny and geniune Craig can be. And Jay Leno still sucks... the "give your gayest look" is getting more and more play!]

[Another Update: Jay is apparently "sorry" for his remarks. Sorry that that his crack didn't go unnoticed. Still a douche... ]

Spank Bank Wednesday: Leighton Stultz

More revealing pics of the delicious Leighton* at Bent Blog… totally NSFW—but who cares? He’s f’ing beautiful!

*If past models are an indication, this Playgirl centerfold is gay. Sorry ladies, there's a stong possibility that Leighton is strictly dickly.

My Birthday is in July...


As much as I try not to be a size queen, there is something about staring at a big hunk o'meat that is just f'ing lovely. I really need to read more--and this book is providing the perfect motivation!

A Funny Story About Hitler...


So, I’m at the Bakery the other night, talking to a visiting decorator, Ann. We were trash talking Easter and someone was a bit shocked and they had that look on their face. Ann and I continued talking in a very matter-of-fact tone:

Me: I know, I know… I’m going to Hell, I’m just waiting to see what level of Hell I will be…

Ann: You know Hell is going to be fun—everyone who’s cool will be there.

Me: True. And if Hitler wanders up, we can always shun him.

Ann: Oh, I’m sure by now he’s come around [about the Jews].

It made me laugh for a solid five minutes.

I Love It! No, I Hate It... Wait! I Think I Love It...

To celebrate the 120th anniversary of the Eiffel Tower next year, there are plans to add a new temporary observation deck. I can't decide if this is the coolest thing ever, or shit.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Can someone tell me what's up with Victor Garbor's left ear? That thing is huge!


I love the show Eli Stone, and he's very good in it (he's good in just about everything--my favorite role of his is the minor role of Greg, from Sleepless in Seattle: he gets 'emotional' talking about The Dirty Dozen). However, it's difficult to watch his scenes because of his GINORMOUS left ear!


Seriously... these shots are straight on, but on the show, they shoot him from his right side... and you can still see Dumbo flopping into the scene.

Certainly I can't be the only one to notice this...

[UPDATE: Apparently, I'm not the only one to notice this!]

A Bit Late for St. Paddy’s…

…but it’s still pretty awesome.

Spring Has Sprung!*

Happy first day of Spring! The weather is beautiful in Northen California this morning, the trees are full of blossoms, the birds are singing and Easter is just around the corner! I love Spring because we shed our winter coats and get out in skimpier clothing:

But what I love most about Spring is that Shirtless Summer is just around the corner!


call me!
I gotta step up my workouts if I'm going to get to the beach this summer...

*Feel free to add any of these guys to your "Spank Bank"...

Best George Clooney Story... ever.

Cat crap fever
He may be pulling in $12 million a picture and deified by women worldwide, but George Clooney is apparently not above digging around in cat shit for the sake of a good joke.

Actor Richard Kind (who plays Paul on "Spin City" and is a member of Clooney's inner circle) and his pet feline learned that lesson the hard way.

"Richard had this cat that he loved and adored," Ben Weiss, a "Friends" assistant director and another Clooney crony, recalls in the upcoming issue of Men's Journal. "So George would go in the bathroom, and that's where the litter box was. And there would be cat shit in there, so George would clean it up and flush it down the toilet. Then Richard would go in there and say, 'God, it's so weird. My cat hasn't taken a shit in forever.'"

This went on for days: the cat crapping, Clooney merrily scooping and flushing. And eventually, Kind grew understandably concerned.

"Richard went to the vet to get some kind of thing to make the cat go to the bathroom," says Weiss. "The poor cat. The cat's shitting, and George is still cleaning it up."

Clearly, the madness had to end. So the erstwhile "ER" star capped it off with a bang (or, more accurately, a thud).

"Finally, George stood over the cat box and took a giant shit," Weiss tells the magazine. "And finally Richard goes in there and says, 'Oh, my God! Kitty!'"

Smelling salts, stat.

by Amy Reiter at Salon.com

Recession? More Like A Depression



Bush is the new Hoover! Yesterday, he actually said that the U.S. economy is “robust.” You know, it doesn’t surprise me. Not a word out of that man’s mouth was the truth for the last 8 years, why should he start now?

Still, it makes me wonder how that douche can sleep at night knowing he’s ruined the lives of so many. This is why I think Dubya is Satan. The Devil isn’t going to tell you he’s The Devil, he’s going to say he’s a Christian and then do the opposite…

306 days is 306 too many…

St. Patrick's Day!

To counter my rant from earlier, here's a lovely little St. Patrick's Day message from the Muppet folks (with thanks to The Daily Dish):



Happy Birthday Shawn & Pat!

"Eddie Would Go."
And—bringing it all back down again—I should note that today is the 30th Anniversary of the dissapearance of Eddie Aikau, which I wrote about previously.

"Sanctity of Marriage"

Okay... so this debate is over right? We're done, right? Enough, already! With a 50% divorce rate, you have not proven your case at all. Need an example, or two... or three... or four... or...?


Spitzer


McGreevey

Clinton

Craig

Vitter

Spears

Haggard

If that doesn't do it for you, try this! McGreevey's aide says he, McGreevey and Professional Victim (Mrs. McGreevey) were threesome-ing it for quite some time. But, she "had no idea" he was gay. Um, when he's sucking crank in front of you, lady, that's a BIG DAMN CLUE!


[UPDATE: McGreevey admitted to the threesomes... I think want to go into politics]

Still not convinced? Try to figure out the "sanctity" of this, this, this, and this—plus, I'd love to know God's take on this and this. And if it doesn't work out there's this and this. Or for you do-it-yourselfers this and this.

This completes the end of the debate for Sanctity of Marriage. Why not let gays do for marriage what we do for property values? Give us marriage rights and we will fix it up and make it better. Honesty, do you really think we'll do a worse job than you?

However, if you're going to continue denying gays the right to marry—not civil union, not partnership, but full-on fucking MARRIAGE—you had better come up with a better reason, because that one NO ONE buys anymore.

If This Doesn't Make You Smile...

...you're dead inside.

Spank Bank

Behold Benjamin Godfre...

Top?

The new five-dollar bills are out today and Yahoo! News has a wonderful image of "the front, top, and back of the new five dollar bill."

Top?

On another note: who says Abe isn't gay? "Splash of color"? Oh, you go, girlfriend! You know Mary Todd isn't working with splashes of color... that's all Abe!

From the [Bink!] of Disaster...


Two weeks ago, I’m bouncing around the internets and I click on this music link and all of the sudden—BAM!something starts to download. I stopped it and being protected by McAfee Security, I didn’t worry too much.

Suddenly, on the toolbar at the bottom, a red X appeared and a dialog box pops up with this little noise [BINK!] “Your computer is infected! Windows has determined that a virus is on your computer. Click her to get rid of it.” Well, being the intelligent guy I am, I clicked it.

Quick as a flash, Win Reanimator starts to download. Win Reanimator will protect me. Win Reanimator will find this virus and stop the mean red X from appearing. Win Reanimator quickly finds the problem and for a mere $60 will relieve me of the problem.

Fuck that. I can download spy removal software for FREE!

I download all sorts of software, hoping one of them will do the trick. [BINK!] Then I start doing some research on this Win Reanimator. Apparently, it is the virus and it does not go away (even after relieving one of $60).

[BINK!] wonderful…

Frantically, I started searching for other spyware programs. I downloaded every free spyware program available. None of them could get rid of it. I used to have Webroot’s Spy Sweeper, so I bought that, figuring that maybe if I paid for something, it would work…

[BINK!]

I logged onto all sorts of geek sites, trying to find a solution on how to get rid of this nasty crap. Each site had longer and more complicated instructions than the last. And almost everyone stated “removing [whatever files] could permanently damage your computer.”

Terrific. [BINK!] (Oh, Bloody Hell!)

Then a friend suggested Smit-somethingorother to get rid of the virus. Not only did it not kill the virus, it did manage to kill McAfee. The thing wouldn’t run! I’m paid until 2010 for that friggin product and it won’t run? I uninstalled McAfee, went to their website and tried to reinstall. [BINK!] Win Reanimator managed to f’up the download. McAfee is dead. I’ve got a virus that the virus program can’t fix and the firewall is down. I’m exposed to the world.

Fucking great. [BINK!] Every time it does that [BINK!] I swear those bastards who created this virus will be forced into a lower realm of Hell…

[BINK!]

I was about to pop in my Windows install disk and zap [BINK!] my whole computer clean when I realized that I would have to reload [BINK!] EVERY F’ING PROGRAM BACK ONTO MY COMPUTER! [BINK!] Damnit! The think is binking at a faster pace and my computer is slowing down… must… do… something…

Before I zapped my computer, I decided I should probably buy some protection for my computer when it’s up and running, so I decided to try Norton 360. Why Norton, well, 1) we use it at work and I haven’t had any problems, 2) McAfee sucks balls, and 3) I found it on sale with free shipping.

[BINK!]

I downloaded it last night at 11:25pm. It was up and running at 11:34. I did my first scan at 11:35 and by 11:36 it zapped that fucking Win Reanimator off my computer. Gone, bink-baby, Gone!

To the wonderful folks at Norton: God Bless You.

To the rat-bastards at Win Reanimator: I will find you…

Spank Bank Wednesday

I would like to make a deposit...

The Costume of the Day for Friday!


Dance, Edie, Dance!

I love Edie Beale—the first-cousin of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy—made infamous by the documentary film—and now Broadway hit—“Grey Gardens”. She’s nutty, funny and scary all at once. An equally nutty, funny, and brilliant woman Misty of Chincoteague created a video of Edie dancing to Madonna. It’s hysterical.

It’s an fascinating and unique way to start the weekend.

So, what’s your costume of the day? Here's what I'll be wearing:

I Gotta Make Some Calls...


Powered By Adult Toys


I know a few guys that need to pay up!

And thanks to The Nortorious J*O*E* for this.

Brett Favre Retires

We'll always have the memories... particularly this one:

Nice Towel

Account Transfer to EGL's Spank Bank

Just for you EGL, some "package" pics of Jonathan Papelbon. Sadly, those black compression pants do not allow enough access. Pabelbon was also in the news today in Boston...

He Dances!

Getting Silly (I'd still do him...)

Pointing to me in the stands...*

*A guy can dream, can't he? Wacka-Chicka-Wacka-Chicka-Bow-Wow

Spank Bank


Jonathan Papelbon

EGL posted a comment on "Big Ginger" Prince Harry stating that he was going to put the pictures I posted of the young man who is third in line for the British throne into his 'spank bank.' Every guy knows immediately what this is, because they have one. Able to retrieve and access information faster than any supercomputer, the spank bank is an imporant tool in the survival of any man.

It got me thinking... (dangerous, I know), but I get a lot of emails with pics of 'spankable' guys but I don't tend to share them (most are nekkid... :-) ) and I usually don't have anything witty or interesting to say about them. Well, this is where my 'Spank Bank Posts' will come in. I will just label them as such and let you enjoy the picture. Today's post, as you can see, is Jonathan Papelbon of the World Champion Boston Red Sox, from when they won their division championship this past fall. I love me some Papelbon!*

For those of you who don't know, the Urban Dictionary describes a "Spank Bank" as 1. A memorable collection of mental images that one wishes to retain for master debational purposes. 2. Porn collection

And ladies, the 'spank bank' is an equal opportunity lender and, if you choose, you are welcome to open an account.

*I'm going to see him play on April 2nd when the Red Sox crush the Oakland A's!