Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Get Behind Thee, Satan!



I saw this at The Socialite's Life blog (a daily must-read) and I couldn't stop laughing. Sure, there is something here that makes me wonder if it's real. But, there is such a sense of "truthiness" here that I'm willing to go with it.

As 'The Socialite' pointed out: keep an eye out for the real stars of this video: the scissors.

UPDATE: This has been revealed as to be staged. The girls are actors and this was a script that one of them wrote. They were on Good Morning America talking about it. I still laugh when I watch this because you just know somewhere this happened and some poor bastard is now married to it.

In other news...
Oscar nominations are out and Chrismatica© is having a tought time, because Chris hasn't gotten his out to a movie in a while and he's got no idea what's going to win. Plus, he's referring to himself in the third person, which is never a good sign...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Christmas is So Last Month...

I'm so behind on things like this. I could not stop laughing while watching this and I can't wait until next Christmas to post. Very clever--enjoy!

Friday, January 26, 2007

My Fine is $585.60

I saw this over at Kelly Stern’s blog (who in turn, saw it on someone else's blog) and felt compelled to post it… My, how it ads up! So scroll through, add it up and leave a comment as to what you owe.

How much money do you owe?

Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… “My Fine Is…”

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

Chris’ total: $585.60
(Will they will take a post-dated, three-party check...?)
Bush to Send Pocket-Sized Marines to Iraq


President Bush, after being saluted by a 'pocket-sized' Marine, has stated that he will send the "L'il Marines" to Iraq to "really get in there where the normal-sized Marines can't git." Yeah, I'm bullshitting, but it does look like Dubya is being saluted by a munchkin, doesn't it?

Dubya recently stated, "I'm the decision-maker" on sending more troops to Iraq. So far, Mr. President, your decisions have all been the worst decisions ever. Your "gut-instincts" are always wrong. I think you need to look deep, deep in to the chasm where your soul ought to be and do exactly the opposite and maybe--just maybe--you won't bring about the end of mankind.

But then again, you're a moron of biblical proportions, so I'm sure you'll fuck up whatever you do.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Goodbye, Ashley!

According to USA Today: "Miss New Jersey USA Ashley Harder has resigned from presiding over ribbon-cutting ceremonies and other world-saving photo-ops to focus on a more challenging matter: motherhood."

My favorite quote from Ms. Harder: "Life happens. Initially, I was a tiny bit disappointed, I wouldn't be competing. But there was no comparing the two: Miss USA or a baby, a baby that had been sent to me by God."

Don't forget to thank the broken condom...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Hello, David!


It looks like David Beckham and Posh Spice will be making their way to Los Angeles to attempt to bring Major League Soccer to the masses of America. Didn’t they try and do that in the 70’s with Pelé? Let’s hope that if David decides he wants to act, he’ll steer clear of a remake of Victory.

There is much discussion on Becks age and how he’s “getting old.” The man is fricken 31… and he’s old.

Regardless, Becks and Posh will certainly turn our dreary eyes from Brad & Angelina and Tom & Katie (“Brangelina” and “Tomkat” for those of you who live for this). And maybe—just maybe—our eyes will turn to soccer. I would be more hesitant to think that America may get to like soccer, but there were three big articles on the sports page this morning on Barry Bonds’ latest testing positive for performance enhancing drugs… and next to each, there was an article on David Beckham. Who knows, this just may be what America needs.

Frankly, I don’t care what sport a guy plays, but if he looks like this—I’m watching!


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What an Asshole!*

Scooter sent me an email the other day noting that “we are living among fascists.” Here’s some shit I cannot believe:




What the hell is going on, people? When did expressing your Constitutional right to Free Speech make you an “enemy of the state”? Does this man understand The Constitution?

Sean Hannity—who can best be described as a “TV personality” and certainly not as a journalist—is determining who is a “good American”? Hannity wouldn’t understand a good American if it came up and kicked him in the ass—and frankly, a good American would do just that.







*Not Dubya! Although he came in a close third, right after Dick “Go Fuck Yourself” Cheney.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Gotta Love The Navy


God Bless the U.S. Navy! Homophobes that they may be, their Annapolis web site contains a whole section dedicated to their athletics program… and all the hot jocks therein contained (they seem like such a happy bunch of kids, don't they?)

Sadly, I cannot find a photo gallery of the Lacrosse team, but there are plenty of wonderful pictures for the football, soccer, baseball and water polo teams. (sigh)

They’re disciplined, love their country, and are all hot ‘n sweaty.

For my lesbian reader, yes, they do have a women’s golf team… why do you ask? (but don’t tell!)


Mmm. Mmm. Mmmph.

Images Copyright © 2007, U. S. Naval Academy All rights reserved

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

Good Lord, has it been so long since I’ve last posted? I’m such a slacker… such a goddamn slacker. I’m embracing it. I’m owning it.

Since I’ve been away, several news events have happened and I’ve not commented… here’s my brief look back at what I failed to comment on in December (in no particular order):

Saddam Hussein is dead. That bastard was still alive? I gotta read the newspaper now and again.

Gerald Ford died. Not exactly a shocker… (93 and piss-poor health the last year). However, he had a significant role in U.S. history and I think the pardon of Nixon was a good thing. I am seriously enjoying* watching the state funeral. I love me some pomp and circumstance (but mostly the pomp).

Have you heard “Christmas Shoes”? Apparently, there are a number of people that think this is a fantastic song. I’m a sap of the highest order. I cry at just about any sentimental thing on TV… but this song is just crap. Anytime someone says “mama is gonna see Jesus” I just check out. Of course, there’s a chorus of kids singing, so we’ll all feel that holiday tug and go buy this crappy song. What kid wants to buy his mother shoes?** Hate to tell you this kid, but when they burry you, it’s sans shoes. Ain’t that a kicker? What kid knows his mom’s shoe size? Well, what straight kid, anyway…

Michael Lucas is the greatest porn director. Okay, there are adult films I enjoy more, but his films are truly films. They aren’t pornos, they are films with a lot (and I mean a LOT) of naked men banging each other—however, there is a substantial plot! Unheard of in the porn world. His two latest (and yes, I own them) are “Dangerous Liaisons” and “La Dolce Vita”. Correction, the titles are; “Michael Lucas’ Dangerous Liaisons” and “Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita”. Along with a big schlong, Michael has a big ego. When did I get these stunning films you ask, right about the time that I stopped posting. Don’t tell me I’m not using my time effectively…

I couldn’t get enough of the Christmas songs this year. Had them on my iPod, on the radio, on the TV… I just loved them. Well, exception being that f’ing shoe song.

I ended the year with a cold. Such a nasty little bugger that I couldn’t go out and celebrate! What a horrible way to ring in the new year. However, I was on the phone talking to Scotty—also home sick with a cold—when the New Year passed, so I wasn’t completely alone.

Speaking of cold... where the Hell is the global warming I've been hearing so much about? My ass is freezing! I'm sleeping in flannel sheets, under an electric blanket, a down blanket and a down comforter and I'm still freezing! Someone is not driving their Hummer nearly enough...

SNL Digital Short: Dick in a Box. Need I say more? Hysterical. Genius. Classic.

Daniel Craig as the new Bond. I’m in love. LOVE. The man is amazing. Stunning. Redefined Bond and I couldn’t be happier. When I first heard they had hired this blonde guy to replace my beloved Pierce Brosnan, I thought “No f’ing way!” However, I was wrong. SO WRONG. The man is a total stud. I’m looking forward to the next Bond… oh, yeah, the movie was good, too…

Weeds. Damn, I’m so mad I have to wait for this show to end up on DVD before I can see the last season—in the interest of money, we gave up Showtime. However, if you have not seen the show, you must catch it at your earliest convenience. Here is some classic dialog (in this case a monologue) where in Uncle Andy explains masturbation to his nephew Shane. All I want to know is, where was this guy when I was going through puberty?

Alright, listen closely, I'm not gonna beat around the bush...
Your little body's changing, it's all good, believe me, the problem now is, everytime we jerk the gerkin we end up with a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right... So, first order of business, NO MORE SOCKS, they're expensive, gumming up the works, plumbing-wise, but you might be thinking to yourself "But uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked. You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning, and that eliminates the need for a goo glove, but the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take four or five showers everyday we're gonna need some other options here... So let's start with the basics... Tissues... Perfectly acceptable back stop for all that creamy italian... it can be rough and dry on such soft sensitive skin, not to mention it can get stuck to your dick head like a fuckin band aid.. ouch. From then on we move on to more lubricated flag catchers, specifically... BANANAS. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: slip the peel over your andy johnson, start pitchin. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel on the microwave, not too hot, (serious youser), also olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner and vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance, invest in some soon. Alright moving on, when you tug your thomas on the toilet, pfft, shoot right into the bowl. In bed, soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own if you don't mind tossin after tossin. There's no such thing as polishing the raised ceptre of love too much. It reduces the stress, it enhances immune functions... Also, practice makes perfect, so work on your control now while you're a solo artist, you'll be playing some long happy duets in the future. Alright, class dismissed...
Hey... Homework.

On that note, have a Happy New Year… and go get yourself some bananas.














*Enjoying is a bad term, but darn if I can think of one more apt and, as I stated above, I'm too much of a slacker to do find anything better.
**Imelda Marcos’ kids notwithstanding.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Infamy

On this historic day, something from Yahoo News:

Pearl Harbor survivors meet for last time
By JAYMES SONG, Associated Press Writer

PEARL HARBOR, Hawaii - With their number quickly dwindling, survivors of Pearl Harbor will gather Thursday one last time to honor those killed by the Japanese 65 years ago, and to mark a day that lives in infamy.

This will be their last visit to this watery grave to share stories, exchange smiles, find peace and salute their fallen friends. This, they say, will be their final farewell.

"This will be one to remember," said Mal Middlesworth, president of the Pearl Harbor Survivors Association. "It's going to be something that we'll cherish forever."

The survivors have met here every five years for four decades, but they're now in their 80s or 90s and are not counting on a 70th reunion. They have made every effort to report for one final roll call.

"We're like the dodo bird. We're almost extinct," said Middlesworth, now an 83-year-old retiree from Upland, Calif., but then — on Dec. 7, 1941 — an 18-year-old Marine on the USS San Francisco.

Nearly 500 survivors from across the nation were expected to make the trip to Hawaii, bringing with them 1,300 family members, numerous wheelchairs and too many haunting memories.

Memories of a shocking, two-hour aerial raid that destroyed or heavily damaged 21 ships and 320 aircraft, that killed 2,390 people and wounded 1,178 others, that plunged the United States into World War II and set in motion the events that led to atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

"I suspect not many people have thought about this, but we're witnessing history," said Daniel Martinez, chief historian at the USS Arizona Memorial. "We are seeing the passing of a generation."

___

The attack may have occurred 65 years ago, but survivors say they can still hear the explosions, smell the burning flesh, taste the sea water and hear the cries.

"The younger ones were crying, 'Mom! Mom! Mom!'" said Edward Chun, who witnessed the attack from the Ten-Ten dock, just a couple hundred yards away from Battleship Row.

Chun, 83, had just begun his workday as a civilian pipe fitter when he was thrust into assisting in everything from spraying water on the ships to aiding casualties.

"From the time the first bomb dropped and for the next 15 minutes, it was complete chaos," he said. "Nobody knew what was going on. Everybody was running around like a chicken with their head cut off."

Chun saw the Oklahoma and West Virginia torpedoed by Japanese aircraft. He heard the tapping of sailors trapped in the hulls of sunken ships. He escaped death when Ten-Ten was strafed, leaving behind dead and wounded.

"How I never got hit, I don't know," said Chun, who was later drafted and served in the Korean and Vietnam wars. "I'll tell you a secret: When your number comes up, you're going to go. Well, every morning I get up, I change my number."

Everett Hyland doesn't know how he stayed alive when almost everyone around him didn't. He was radioman aboard the Pennsylvania, which was in Dry Dock No. 1, and was helping transport ammunition to the anti-aircraft gun when a bomb exploded.

Badly burned, Hyland regained consciousness 18 days later, on Christmas night. During that time, his older brother visited.

"The only way he knew it was me was the tag on my toe," Hyland said. "He (later) told me we looked like roast turkeys lined up."

Today, scar tissue covers most of his arms and legs.

"I got a quick facial out of it. I used to be a freckled-faced kid," he said. "I don't have any lips. They could fix faces, but they couldn't build any lips."

And he was lucky.

Many of the dead were teenage sailors and Marines away from home for the first time. They died before they had an opportunity to get married, have children, build lives.

Four in five servicemen on the USS Arizona — 1,177 in all — did not survive the day. It was the greatest loss of life of any ship in U.S. naval history. They remain entombed in the battleship's sunken hull, which still seeps oil every few seconds, leaving a colorful sheen on the harbor water.

The survivors say they have more than horrific memories to offer. "Remember Pearl Harbor" is just the first half of the association's motto; the rest is "Keep America alert."

Martinez said many Pearl Harbor survivors were disheartened by the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, "as if they had not done their job hard enough."

Once again, it seemed that America had been caught sleeping. Interest in Pearl Harbor and its aging survivors surged. The old soldiers are much in demand — to sign autographs, walk in parades, speak to classrooms and pose for pictures. Visits to the USS Arizona Memorial are at record levels.

Not that everyone sees similarities between the two attacks. "There is no comparison," Hyland said. "That was terrorists killing a pile of civilians. Here, you had professional fighters versus professional fighters. Two different things."

There are those who are unable to forgive the Japanese, But others testify to the power of reconciliation.

"There are some guys that are going to die with hate in their heart. I don't have in me any hatred in my heart," said 87-year-old survivor Lee Soucy, of Plainview, Texas. "They were doing their job just like we were."

Hyland, who was almost killed in the attack, married a woman from Japan. They met at the 50th Pearl Harbor anniversary and wed the following year.

"I got over it a long time ago," he said.

___

Former NBC anchor Tom Brokaw, who dubbed Americans who came of age during the Great Depression and World War II "the greatest generation," agreed to be keynote speaker for Thursday's ceremony. A moment of silence at 7:55 a.m. was to mark the time when the attack began.

Martinez, the USS Arizona historian, likened it to another reunion 68 years ago — the final gathering of Civil War veterans in Gettysburg, Pa., when aging warriors in blue and gray shook hands and shared war stories. In 1938, as in 2006, the nation faced an uncertain future in a world gripped by conflict.

"The passing of that generation had its moment and we're going to have ours," he said.

But some veterans don't believe, or refuse to accept, that this will be the last major gathering.

"They claimed the 60th was going to be the last one. Now they have the 65th. When they have the 70th, then they'll be claiming, 'This will be the last one,'" Hyland said. "They've been crying wolf too many times."

Hyland does accept the fact that their numbers are falling fast.

"We all have our turn and our turn is getting closer," he said.

But until then, they are drawn to Pearl Harbor, and to each other. Military historian Douglas Smith, a professor at the U.S. Naval War College in Newport, R.I., says they are proud of their service and eager to return "to their glory days," but most of all they revel in the bonds they formed long ago, when they were young.

The bond is so strong that some ask to have their ashes interred inside the Arizona, laid to rest with shipmates who were not so fortunate as to survive Dec. 7, 1941.

"They're coming home," Middlesworth said. "They feel they're coming home."

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Missing in Action


I feel bad that I haven’t written lately. School has been a bear and work has been kicking my butt as well, so the desire to write has been extremely limited. Besides the above, there really has not been much worth writing about. Sure, Michael Richards has been interesting (for about 2 seconds) and the Reichen/Lance Bass breakup did make me wonder: “Who?” But, on the whole, there has not been much worth discussing: Civil War in Iraq—who hasn’t written about that? Brittany flashing The Beav’—while I’m sure that’s one of the Four Horsemen, I’m not moved to write about it.

I know I’m not alone, as some of my favorite blogs have not been posting either: The FAF has been posting his columns from school, EGL announced he’s probably going to stop writing altogether, Ari at Diaspora South writes about once a month, Douchebag of The Week does not post weekly... in fact, the only consistent blog of late has been Michele’s (thank God, it's very entertaining).

But today, I decided I should write. Today, finally something happened so incredibly important, so vital to our nation that I can’t not discuss it: A plane was recently forced to the ground because of some woman’s gas.

Question: Just what-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-holy did she eat? My God—to bring down a plane with a fart—that has got to be lethal. I don’t think she should be filled with shame at all over this. I would be damn proud. In fact, I would be offering my services to the U.S. government for duty in Iraq. If that thing is terrifying at 34,000 feet, can you imagine just how nasty it would be at 110 degrees?

I have sat next to people that smelled of a bizarre curry/onion/b.o. smell that cannot be accurately described and 2 hours into the flight—a full eight hours before we would begin our decent—they belched so heinously that it slowly began to melt the tray (already in its upright and locked position), and even though it hung in the air for the rest of the flight, still we did not land. Now, some poor woman rips one and they practically ditch the plane? Jeez… since when did American Airlines start serving Super Chipolte Chili with onions, cheese and plenty of super-hot jalapenos? All I ever get is a stale bag of nuts… and I have to beg for that.

What does this mean for future air travel? We can’t bring jells or liquids on the plane… are they going to be asking us about what we ate? “What did you eat within the last 12 hours? Was it spicy?” I don't know about you, but I think grounding a flight for farting is awful. Frankly, it stinks.*






*Come on... like you'd expect me NOT to use a pun like that. Honestly, how could I not?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Election Results: Our National Nightmare is Over!


THE BIG ELECTION STORY:
Britney Spears has elected to dump K-Fed! White-trash dudes wearing wife-beaters and walking around with an undeserved sense of superiority are in shock.

Coincidentally, America has elected to dump the Republicans, resulting in the House of Representatives—and most likely, the Senate—returning to the Democrats. Neo-Christian White dudes wearing blue button-downs and walking around with an undeserved sense of superiority are in shock.

In other news, Karl Rove is going back to Hell

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Shut Up and Vote!

War sucks, doesn't it? Paying extremely high gas prices are a bitch. I wish the air was cleaner and my taxes went to something other than Haliburton. It would be nice if our National Parks were fully funded, wouldn't it? It would be fantastic if the government got off our backs. Stem cell research could save millions of lives... if it were funded.

You can sit there and bitch about the country or you can do something about it. Your vote is your voice, make yourself heard.

Be a real American and vote.

Monday, November 06, 2006

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Ted Haggard, Thy Name is “Pot”

(Reverend Haggard demonstrates what he likes to do with a penis... while on drugs...)



One of the many reasons I’m going to Hell (none being that I am gay) is how much I enjoy when things like this happen. Ted Haggard, evangelical Christian and opposer of gay marriage, has been revealed as having paid for sex 36 times over the last three years. Oh, and the kicker? He was also using drugs.

Can we say “Delicious!”?

Teddy-boy does not believe in gay marriage, but hot man-on-(drugged) man sex is apparently being “faithful” to his wife and five kids. I love it when one can interpret vague passages in The Bible to condemn gay relationships, but when it comes to The Ten Commandments themselves—and in particular, the seventh—somehow there is ‘wiggle room.’ Where’s the tranny-hooker when you need one? I don’t think The Bible mentions tranny-hookers (the jury is still out on Mary Magdalene…)

What next for the good reverend? Does he come out—leaving the wife and kids? Will he be leading next year’s San Francisco Gay Pride Parade? I am sure Haggard will use the “I take full responsibility—but it was the addiction, not me” approach so successfully used by Mel Gibson and Reverend Phelps* is the biggest homo of them all? Honestly, no one thinks about gays and gay sex as much as that man—not even gays themselves. Seriously, I have better things to do with my time than to think about two guys screwing around… like thinking of three guys screwing around.**

I think we had better start looking for the next Haggard in politics, because you know they are out there. Start looking for those who bash gays the most and you are on target: Dubya? Maybe. Condeleeza? No, she likes Karl Rove? Something tells me he’s not just gay, he’s so anti-gay, he has got to be into some weird and twisted fetish-sex that I am actually salivating while I wait for that press release.











*I know what website I’ve linked to… and what I have not linked to.
** You knew that was coming, didn’t you? Of course you did—you’re smart.

Friday, October 20, 2006

After Pat’s Birthday
By Kevin Tillman


Editor's Note: Kevin Tillman joined the Army with his brother Pat in 2002, and they served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pat was killed in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.

It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we get out.

Much has happened since we handed over our voice:

Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.

Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.

Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.

Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.

Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.

Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.

Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.

Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.

Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.

Somehow torture is tolerated.

Somehow lying is tolerated.

Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.

Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.

Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.

Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.

Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.

Somehow this is tolerated.

Somehow nobody is accountable for this.

In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.

Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.


Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,
Kevin Tillman
(originally published on Truthdig.com)

Wow...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It was Twenty Years Ago Today...


I got an email the other day from an old friend congratulating me on the 20th anniversary of my ‘zine Block Talk™, the precursor to my ‘zine and subsequent blog both titled Slap & Tickle.

Back in the day, I was a manager for Century Theatres—or as I affectionately refer to them as “the bastards at Syufy. Back in those days, they were not called Century Theatres, they were “Syufy Luxury Theatres.” The theaters were massive domes which sat anywhere between 450 – 1000 people. No shoeboxes for these luxury theatres, no siree…

We were young and we were in charge. I knew few people working in the theaters that were over 30—and those that were older were often old-timers who hadn’t seen 50 in over a decade… so, there was a bit of a Lord of the Flies thing going on. Total irresponsibility, total ‘managed chaos’ and totally fun. Totally.*

Block Talk™ got started because the bastards at Syufy had a newsletter called Platter Chatter** and each district had to submit information to be included. I was the editor for the San Jose division.

The problem was, not a lot was going on that was exciting… or exciting enough to be included in Platter Chatter (a read often referred to in the company as being “dryer than a popcorn fart.”***). I would often get complaints from other managers that I had failed to include whatever pointless information a theater had submitted because it did not show up in the oh-so-prestigious Platter Chatter. Who gave a shit if their per-person took a 3 cent jump? Honestly, the way Syufy kept raising prices, it was impossible not to get that to happen.

The problem was, I was submitting this boring information and no one in our Corporate Office could give a rat’s ass about them (and our theaters had TONS of rats. Seriously. Tones.) In desperation, I created Block Talk™ and what I submitted to Corporate, I sent to all the theaters.

I quickly discovered I needed to “contain [my] smartass comments.” Because, after my first issue, my district manager came up to me and said, “You need to contain your smartass comments.” That spawned the Block Talk™ Annex. Which had articles, stories, and artwork that Corporate need not see—especially, if I wanted to keep my job.

There were some bits of genius in there—all by individuals other than myself. Chris Sanford and Matthew Keller created some brilliant and hysterical work. I looked through it the other day and realized so much has changed. Many are married, a number of us came out, a surprising number have moved away, and Century Theatres has been sold to some crappy company out of Plano, Texas. However, in a small way and in significantly different format, Block Talk™ is still around.

For those of you who never got to enjoy “The Exciting Adventures of Jolly Joe” featuring the crime solving mysteries of Syufy Sam, or experience “Dan Koje: Ambulance Driver on the Edge,”I will try and get permission from the writer to publish excerpts—(perhaps even the whole series? Who knows? It’s a wild crazy world!)

Twenty years… it goes by fast.





*It was the 80’s…
**Sort of an inside joke… an unfunny inside joke, but an inside joke none-the-less.
***The driest of all known farts
Welcome Baby No. 300,000,000!



Today, the 300 millionth U.S. baby was born this morning at 7:46am EST. The U.S. is only the third nation in history to have reached that number of citizens. We are way behind China and India in people, but we far surpass them in terms of global warming. Whooo-hooo! We’re number 1! We’re number! We’re number! USA! USA! USA!



Welcome baby #300 million. I hope you live a long, long life—because we need someone to pay off the mind-blowing, soul-crushing debt that Bush has left for you. Now, get to work!

PS: No, that picture is NOT of me...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What is Wrong with These People?


Do you ever get the feeling that Republicans think about gay sex more than gays do? Oh, and when they think "gay sex" it's actually weird, twisted, perverted shit that no gay man would want to think about...

Ben Stein (who I used to think of as a "nice Jewish boy") made some choice comments, read them HERE. Ben Stein, you are not a "nice Jewish boy." No, not at all. In fact, you're a sick fuck.

Do I have to state this again?* Eighty-Nine percent of all child molestations are "STRAIGHT" MEN preying on LITTLE GIRLS and of that ninety percent are members of the family or close family friends. Putting Ben's hypothesis to work, I believe that straight men are true perverts...




*Apparently, I do.
THANK YOU!

A big thanks to Michele Leese—faithful blogger, and dear friend—who generously sponsored me in the upcoming JDRF Walk-for-A-Cure!

Michele, you’re the best!