Thursday, May 24, 2001

Good Morning!

Chapter 1, I am born.
Oh, forget that, you'll find out things on a need to know basis...

It’s Thursday and no Survivor on TV tonight. Second week without. I miss my beloved Colby! I love me some Colby. What a cutie. And he gave it away… just handed it to Tina! Ugh.

Last night I saw “Victor/Victoria” at the CPA in San Jose (hey, that rhymes!) Good show, but not great. Definitely a star-driven show. If Julie Andrews were in it, I would have liked it more—I would have liked it more if it were the old Julie that could sing versus the current one that croaks a lot. Don’t speak, Julie… just don’t speak. The rest of the cast was excellent. The guy who played Berstein (the bodyguard) was gorgeous.

Before the show, we ate at La Pastalia at the DeAnza Hotel. Nice restaurant, but the food is not that great. I ordered a mini pizza, and since it’s a fru-fru kind of place, they doll pizza up worse than a twenty-dollar whore. Lots of big chunks of vegetables on a thin (read: soggy) crust. I ate it, but I didn’t enjoy it—okay, I tolerated it.

After the show I zipped home and watched “Boot Camp.” Whitlow won. How could that be? I really thought Wolf had it sewn up. He won all the challenges, except one. Everyone gave their tags to Whitlow. They blamed Wolf for taking Yaney’s repelling equipment, and he didn’t do it. The poor guy lost $400,000, because of an implied mistake. OUCH. I wonder if they feel guilty about it?

Wolf was arrogant, but he was cute—and had a lovely body. Just lovely. He did a lot of posing in that show (they kept referring to it as his “Calvin Klein stance”). He had reason to pose: his body is toned, toned, toned. That boy is gonna get laid a lot.

Meyer, who got dismissed pretty early, had a nice bod, too. He was a bit slimy and had a serial-killeresque quality to his eyes… and that made him all the more attractive. Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do?

I bought some bad porn this week. Not that that is always a bad thing, some bad porn is wonderful entertainment—strictly in a non-sexual entertainment sense. I still have to put together my compilation tape of bad porn acting. Some of it is a riot. However, this recent purchase is a really far too fetish for my tastes. Doesn’t make sense? Good. You’re on a need to know basis.

I’ll have to watch the tape a few more times to make sure I really don’t like it. Seriously, porn is porn, so that even bad porn is still good.

Not to say that all porn is bad. Some porn is quite excellent, not just sexually. “Animus,” by director Wash West, is wonderful. There is an actual plot (that is very clever), solid acting, great sex and beautifully shot scenes. There are wonderful dissolves that make the sex scenes intensely erotic. Eroticism is something that is missing from most porn films.

Another film I adore is “The Dream Team.” Again, the acting and plot are excellent (as it actually contains both). Plus, it has something that most porn films don’t have: foreplay. Usually, porn films have two bad actors in a trumped up scene there only as a precursor to sex. In TDT, the sex scenes actually move the film along. But the foreplay is very erotic and very real. The situations are plausible.

The best bad porn films are pre-video. They usually didn’t have enough money for sound, so the film is shot without and the sound dubbed in later—usually by someone else besides the models. And sometimes by a guy who’s clearly older than the model in the film, but always by someone who has no idea what the actor was saying on the set, so they make up stuff. In regards to the dubbing, I love when actors speak when there mouth is… um, clearly busy with something else. Are these guys ventriloquists? Sometimes it’s embarrassingly bad… and that’s a good thing. Let’s face it, in films like that, you are only waiting for the sex. So the bad dubbing/acting is usually in the way. However, if it makes you laugh, at least it’s entertaining.

Tonight I try Colonblow. I bought this stuff online (so you know it’s either really cool, or a phone call away from atrip to the hospital). It’s supposed to completely clean out my system. Apparently, there is anywhere from 3-8 days worth of food in your system at any given time. This stuff cleans it all out. And with a name like Colonblow, it’s got to be good—or at least a good rant on my part.

Here’s to cleaner colons…