Friday, April 27, 2007

"Sperm Agenda"?
Oh. My. Gawd.

Power of the penis, baby. Power of the penis...

Women use the JackRabbit at work?

UPDATE: YouTube pulled the original video... this is another episode.
"He can give you a mouthful of sperm and a rectum full of sperm, but he won't give you no light bread [at Long John Silver's]." Classic!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Behold: I am The Sun!

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Father of the Year

Note to self: the next time Alec Baldwin calls—pick up the phone! The man loathes voicemail…

A lot is being made over this Alec Baldwin yelling at his kid. Didn’t any of these critics have parents? Were none of them subjected to a rant from a parent where they went a little bonkers, yelling at them? What Ireland was subjected to was not child abuse, but childhood!

Every time my mother or father sat down with me to discuss something, I would secretly wish they would just scream at me and get it over with. Yelling lasted only a few minutes, discussions lasted for an eternity.

My parents did not yell much; they were not screamers. However, if I really f’d up? There would be yelling. Of that I could be assured. (Something tells me that Ireland has pulled the phone stunt on daddy a few times before.)

What my parents did not do was yell at me in front of other people. Whenever I would be at a friend’s house and their mom would start screaming at them, my fight-or-flight instinct would kick in*. There I was, heading for the door, with my buddy pleading, “Stay! Stay! For the love of God, she’s going to skin me alive!” Which only made me move to the door faster: Sorry, buddy, but if she’s going to threaten to kill her only son, what his she going to do to the kid down the street she can’t stand?

Two rules of parenting: no scars** and no witnesses. Don’t hit your kid in public, give them “the look”, or say, “Now see here!” and wait until you get home. Because we all know that what happens behind your well-manicured front yard, stays behind your well-manicured front yard. Sadly, for Alec, we are all witnesses.

Parents yell. Parents shout. Parents get to treat their kids in a way they would never treat a stranger. It’s called family. You yell, you insult, you tease… and then you forgive because you love each other.***

I’m not saying that what Alec did was right; I’m saying we’ve all ranted and been ranted at. We’ve all said things we wish we hadn’t, but those moments aren’t caught on tape.

In my book, bad parenting is putting that information out on the web and publicly involving your child in your custody battle. That, boys and girls, is abuse.

*I always opted for flight
**Emotional scaring does not apply—otherwise, what’s the point of being a parent?
***Or because YOU want to stay in The Will and THEY don’t want you to put them in a lousy nursing home.

Friday, April 20, 2007

So much sadness. Hopefully, we will learn from this. We will move on, but let us never forget.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Love Me Some Google

1. go to
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. press on "get directions" button
7. scroll down to step #24
"Tacos Rule!"

I think this explains everything...

Monday, April 09, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen:
The Completely Heterosexual Ted Haggard

I love the blog Joe. My. God. It’s great, he’s hot and he always has something on there that either makes you think or laugh (or sometimes get pissed).

Today, he offers a laugh…

...what a fun way to start off a Monday.