Friday, March 30, 2007

Too Hot for Friday

Oh. My. Gawd. Well, at least I now know what I'll be for Halloween.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Isn't Treason an Impeachable Offense?

It's seems the press has finally gotten some balls and the talk of impeaching Dubya is starting to get some traction. Let's hope it does.

I think it would be perfect for Hillary to run on a platform of "restoring dignity to the White House."

Friday, March 16, 2007

Does the Man Not Eat?

"I'm a-powerful hungry"

Why is it whenever Bush travels outside the U.S. all he can talk about is food? When he went to Germany a few years back—he kept talking about a pig they were roasting for him. I believe he mentioned it three times.

"It will be a very tasty pig..."

His most recent trip is another fine example of the man traveling on both an empty stomach and head—he seemed obsessed with being fed.

Somebody get this guy a sandwich so he can start making rational decisions!

"I'm a-cookin' fer ya, Dubya!"*

*Alternative quote: "I'm as annoying as Shrub--with fewer casualties!"
Alternative, Alternative quote: "I'm a skank."

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: Sexy, Bitch!

Look at that sexy, sexy man! Whoo! You go boy!

No? You don’t think so? Tell that to the government who has found a man they are in love with. Someone who is taking the fall for every last terrorist attack of the last 15 years. Osama bin Who? Forget him. He was small potatoes. It’s all about their sexy boy-toy Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

According to press releases, Khalid has “confessed”* to:
  • 2001 attack on the US
  • 1993 attack on the World Trade Center
  • The beheading of Daniel Pearl (yeah, he did it himself…)
  • Attempted shoe bombing of American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris
  • Managing and following up on the Cell for the Production of Biological Weapons, such as anthrax and others, and following up on Dirty Bomb Operations on American soil
  • Assassination attempt against Pope John Paul II while he was visiting the Philippines

Not widely reported are Khalid’s admitting to:
  • Killing Anna Nicole Smith (“I am Dannielynn’s father…”)
  • Introducing Tom Cruise to Scientology (“It was a joke… we were drunk”)
  • The cancellation of Arrested Development (“More ‘The War at Home’! Fun-ny!")
  • The election of George Bush in 2000 (“Ever see Katherine Harris and I in the same room?”)
  • Produced Basic Instinct 2 (“What? I’m dating Sharon Stone!”)

    And last…
  • The Planning for the Invasion of Iraq (“It worked perfectly from my end…”)

*Those bruises and scars were already there—I swear!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

General Pace Can Suck My Dick (the bible says so)

Marine General Peter Pace certainly is living in the past, isn’t he? The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs was recently quoted as saying that “homosexuality is immoral.”

Once again, these holier-than-thou jerks are playing at taking the moral high ground. Gen. Pace, I would like you to meet Rev. Haggard.

Let’s peruse the bible for a moment and… hey, what’s this? Why it’s the Ten Commandments! Let me see here… sucking dick… sucking dick… disco… Cher… sucking dick… titty clamps… Matt Sanchez/Rod Majors… Nope. No mention of homosexuality. But, what’s this? I believe it’s God’s Commandment: THOU SHALT NOT KILL. Hey, how’s that Iraq thing going? You know the one with over 600,000 Iraqis dead? Wow… now who’s immoral? That’s what I thought.

Personally, anyone named Peter should be very careful about discussing sexuality…

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

What's In My Five

A friend emailed me and asked me to email her my top five movies. Is she freaking kidding me? FIVE? How can I limit it to five? Is that drama or comedy? Combined? Kill me. Kill me right now.

I decided to go with my top five comedies, because I like comedy more. I compiled a nice list (in no particular order) and then went about picking my top five… which I narrowed down to a minuscule 108 films.

I was able to group the list into 20 films and even those into two groups, but beyond that, I can’t go any lower. Most of these films float back and forth depending on my mood, the time of day, if I’m hungry, who I am with, etc.

Below is my Top Ten, quickly followed by my Top Twenty… which is (surprise!) followed by everything else. I don’t expect you to agree with my choices, but they are just that: my choices.

I should probably apologize in advance—I threw this list together from some other lists I had and moved things around, so some movies may have accidentally been repeated. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or feel I may have neglected one of your favorites. However, remember this: If I don’t like it, then it probably wasn’t funny.

My Top Comedies

  1. Blazing Saddles
  2. It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World

  3. What’s Up, Doc?

  4. Desk Set

  5. Nobody’s Fool

  6. Noises Off!

  7. The Producers (1968)

  8. His Girl Friday

  9. The 40 Year-Old Virgin

  10. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

  11. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

  12. SOB

  13. The Philadelphia Story

  14. Victor/Victoria

  15. Network

  16. Stuart Saves His Family

  17. Young Frankenstein

  18. Tootsie

  19. Caddyshack

  20. Diner

  21. Groundhog Day

  22. Best in Show

  23. The Aristocrats

  24. Moonstruck

  25. Shaun of the Dead

  26. Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

  27. Broadcast News

  28. Bull Durham

  29. Dr. Strangelove

  30. A Mighty Wind

  31. Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

  32. Office Space

  33. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

  34. Private Benjamin

  35. There’s Something About Mary

  36. Airplane!

  37. Arthur

  38. Auntie Mame

  39. 10

  40. 1941

  41. Strictly Ballroom

  42. Ninotchka

  43. Some Like It Hot

  44. Take the Money and Run

  45. This is Spinal Tap

  46. When Harry Met Sally

  47. National Lampoon’s Animal House

  48. Raising Arizona

  49. Silver Streak

  50. The General

  51. Ghostbusters

  52. Ace Ventura Pet Detective

  53. Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

  54. Bad News Bears

  55. The Big Picture

  56. Billy Madison

  57. Reality Bites

  58. Galaxy Quest

  59. Brother, Where Art Thou?

  60. The Ref

  61. Army of Darkness

  62. Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery

  63. Back to the Future

  64. Foul Play

  65. Girls Just Want to Have Fun

  66. Happy Gilmore

  67. He Said, She Said

  68. History of the World, Part I

  69. Home Alone

  70. Kentucky Fried Movie

  71. Meatballs

  72. Miss Congeniality

  73. My Best Friend’s Wedding

  74. My Favorite Year

  75. Parenthood

  76. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

  77. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles

  78. The Princess Bride

  79. Quick Change

  80. Elf

  81. Zoolander

  82. Real Genius

  83. The Return of the Pink Panther

  84. Risky Business

  85. The Ritz

  86. Old School

  87. Team America: World Police

  88. Monster’s Inc.

  89. Shrek

  90. Shrek II

  91. Roxanne

  92. The Sandlot

  93. Seems Like Old Times

  94. She’s Having A Baby

  95. Sixteen Candles

  96. So I Married an Axe Murderer

  97. Splash

  98. Stripes

  99. Supergirl (unintentional comedy, but a comedy none-the-less)

  100. Thank God It’s Friday

  101. Trading Places

  102. The Trouble with Angels

  103. Waiting for Guffman

  104. Wayne’s World

  105. What’s New Pussycat?

  106. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

  107. Without a Clue

  108. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown