According to The Sun, Tom Cruise is the new “Christ” of Scientology and that the 'church' leaders believe that in the future he "will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion." I believe this to be true--as it has been written by the prophets: "When he pours, he reigns." Oh, Tom, watch over us...
So, let us turn to the Book of Suri and in Chapter 7, verse 9, we read: “And yeah, there is a balance to the Universe, for every ‘Top Gun,’ there lies an ‘Eyes Wide Shut;’ for every ‘Magnolia,’ there will be ‘Cocktail;’ for every ‘Jerry Maguire,’ let there be ‘Days of Thunder;’ for with ‘Born on the Fourth of July,’ there must be a ‘Losin' It.’ Work for the best, work for the worst, but always—yeah, ALWAYS—work for the paycheck. So sayeth Tom.”
And yes, like Christ, many wonderful, valuable, and inspiring quotes will be attributed to Him… none more so than: “Respect the cock... and tame the cunt. Tame it.” I'm not sure which book that's from, but it sounds like either Luke or John..."
I would be remiss, Mr. Cruise, if I did not mention that even Christ wouldn't make a piece of shit like Cocktail.