Thursday, June 26, 2008

Spank Bank Friday

I'm off tomorrow, so I'm posting this a bit early. I don't want you kids to go without for the weekend. His name is Evandro Soldati... I call him "Smokin'!"

Nice Pec!

Pull those pants down a skoatch more...

Nice Package

Monday, June 23, 2008

Rest Peacefully, George Carlin

image copyright New York Times

Comic George Carlin passed away this weekend at the age of 71. I think he was one of those few comics that appealed to both parents and their teenagers in the 70’s. His obituary is here.

Below is part of his classic bit on “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television.” The first time I heard it I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants.

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7 Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7—don't you?—that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. "Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits" Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cocksucker and Motherfucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer."

It's like an assault on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinckle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accidental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said, "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie clichés we grew up with. "Okay, Sherriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I’m Voting Republican

They make a good point:

From the fun folks at Synthetic Human Pictures. (Check out Tip Jar, it’s pretty funny… and accurate.)

For those of you who don’t give a damn about politics—and therefore want us all to die—here are two videos from The Onion News Network that are pretty damn funny.

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children�s Healthcare

High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Can't Wait...


I couldn't say it better myself. Reasons to Outlaw Gay Marriage, by Guy Dads (an adorable couple who describe themselves as "Two gay fathers meet and fall in love. Married in a Jewish wedding ceremony on June 19, 2005". Good fathers. Good people. Good read.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Do You Know Where You Were…

…when the first gay folks got married?

Today, June 16, 2008 at 5:01pm, The Gays will be able to get legally married in the State of California. There will be flowers. There will be tears. There will be happiness and joy of a previously unimaginative intensity. It has been a long time coming.

Like the gentrification of old neighborhoods, The Gays will come in and wrestle marriage from its staid trappings and make it wonderful and fabulous again. Like the fashion industry, The Gays will set a new standard in style and behavior for weddings. We will pull it up from its depressed state and make The Hets realize that Star Trek Weddings and Fat-Elvis Impersonators should be banished forever.

Once marriages are “fixed” we can move to the next step to show The Hets how things are done: Divorce.

“Scandalous divorces” happen all the time for The Hets. Right now, there’s some woman on YouTube babbling about her husband’s porn and Viagra. It’s all the rage. People are constantly talking about it. Really. They are. The question is… why?

After decades of watching Dynasty and the soaps, we understand drama. We understand shocking. We understand scandal.

And we do it so much better!

Just think of the fantastic divorces! The information flying out from each camp. The dirt. The fantastic dirt! You can practically smell it! “He told me to call him ‘my little piss pig’” or “After fisting him…”

Information will flow like the Bush White House on a witch hunt. Nothing will be sacred, including weddings. Considering the way weddings have been handled up to now will be no different today than yesterday. Fixed up or not, we will be equal… as we should be.
Size Matters

According to this dude, size really does matter, but not in the way one would think. According to his “studies”, the ideal length of a penis is 6 ¼ and 6 ½ inches, with the girth between 7 ¼ and 8 ¼ inches. He has a number of theories on penises—a hobby I can easily relate to—which can be found on his website.

I won’t tell you where I am on the chart, but I am pleased to have the nickname “Beer can.” I’m not saying, I’m just sayin’…

Note this is for the ladies to use… The Gay Boys know that there is no such thing as an unenjoyable penis—and there is no such thing as “too big”.

Guys, see where you fall on the chart:

Friday, June 13, 2008

What If…

Someone planned for a different outcome on the Hillary/Barak battle—but I don’t think all this effort should go to waste. Excellent work on the cut & paste work.

Spank Bank Friday

I couldn't decide on a pic, so I selected three for this warm weekend. With the nice weather, we should all try and get outside, find the one that inspires you. Your choices are:

The Pretty Boy*...

...The Jock...

...and The Intellectual.

Alone or all together, they are all very spankable! Have a great weekend!

*Pretty Boy also appears to be kind of douche-y. And, yet, I still like him.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Holy Sh*t!

This is awful. Disgusting, tragic, horrific, nasty, shameful, painful, sad… and a little bit funny. If you’re the sensitive type, I wouldn’t watch. The title of the page is “Jacuzi Poop”, so you pretty much know what’s coming.

Still, I didn’t expect THIS.

The poor girl. She probably thought, only a few more minutes and then I’ll tell them, “Wow, I got out of there just in time.” Instead she gets a lifetime of shame. It’s one thing have something like this happen, it’s another to have it video-tapped.

If I were her, I’d move… to another country. There is just no recovering from this. You are shamed for life. You’re a viral video that everyone will watch (well, everyone that’s watched Two Girls and a Cup).

And that Jacuzzi! Who’d ever want to sit in that again? Jacuzzi’s are pretty nasty to begin with, but I don’t think there is enough bleach in the world to make me feel comfortable enough to climb back in that. I hope that was paid off.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Spank Bank Friday

As an added bonus, a little YouTube action--Cheyenne Jackson backstage at Xanadu.

I saw this at Towleroad... "A terrycloth bathrobe could die of loneliness in this theater!"

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Why, God, Why?

Why must Hollywood ruin all our memories? This looks just awful. Awful.

What did they do, take everything that was great in the original and throw it out? Go watch the original—note, I did not write “rent the original”, you should own this film. It’s a masterpiece of writing, directing, and acting.

Monday, June 02, 2008

A Lot Going On Here

Cav sent me this pic, with the subject line "There's a Lot Going On Here."

My, oh my, he is right. There certainly does seem to be a lot going on here. I'm going to guess the very happy young man is "family" (look at those glasses!) and the rather angry gentleman in the back is Secret Service.

If I were the gay guy in this picture, I must admit I would be reacting the same way. Although I would be turned about 90 degrees to my left...