Monday, June 16, 2008

Do You Know Where You Were…

…when the first gay folks got married?

Today, June 16, 2008 at 5:01pm, The Gays will be able to get legally married in the State of California. There will be flowers. There will be tears. There will be happiness and joy of a previously unimaginative intensity. It has been a long time coming.

Like the gentrification of old neighborhoods, The Gays will come in and wrestle marriage from its staid trappings and make it wonderful and fabulous again. Like the fashion industry, The Gays will set a new standard in style and behavior for weddings. We will pull it up from its depressed state and make The Hets realize that Star Trek Weddings and Fat-Elvis Impersonators should be banished forever.

Once marriages are “fixed” we can move to the next step to show The Hets how things are done: Divorce.

“Scandalous divorces” happen all the time for The Hets. Right now, there’s some woman on YouTube babbling about her husband’s porn and Viagra. It’s all the rage. People are constantly talking about it. Really. They are. The question is… why?

After decades of watching Dynasty and the soaps, we understand drama. We understand shocking. We understand scandal.

And we do it so much better!

Just think of the fantastic divorces! The information flying out from each camp. The dirt. The fantastic dirt! You can practically smell it! “He told me to call him ‘my little piss pig’” or “After fisting him…”

Information will flow like the Bush White House on a witch hunt. Nothing will be sacred, including weddings. Considering the way weddings have been handled up to now will be no different today than yesterday. Fixed up or not, we will be equal… as we should be.


Michele said...

I'm so stinkin' proud of California for finally getting this on the books. I'm ready to fly home for my first gay wedding, as soon as anyone's ready... Keep me posted, anyone.

As for divorce, of course it will happy, no argument there. But I want to bask in Big Gay weddings first. Bask, I tell you!

Chris said...

Oh, I'm basking... but I'm waiting for the first big breakup. Schadenfreude, baby. It's all about schadenfreude.