Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Election Results: Our National Nightmare is Over!


THE BIG ELECTION STORY:
Britney Spears has elected to dump K-Fed! White-trash dudes wearing wife-beaters and walking around with an undeserved sense of superiority are in shock.

Coincidentally, America has elected to dump the Republicans, resulting in the House of Representatives—and most likely, the Senate—returning to the Democrats. Neo-Christian White dudes wearing blue button-downs and walking around with an undeserved sense of superiority are in shock.

In other news, Karl Rove is going back to Hell

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Shut Up and Vote!

War sucks, doesn't it? Paying extremely high gas prices are a bitch. I wish the air was cleaner and my taxes went to something other than Haliburton. It would be nice if our National Parks were fully funded, wouldn't it? It would be fantastic if the government got off our backs. Stem cell research could save millions of lives... if it were funded.

You can sit there and bitch about the country or you can do something about it. Your vote is your voice, make yourself heard.

Be a real American and vote.

Monday, November 06, 2006

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Ted Haggard, Thy Name is “Pot”

(Reverend Haggard demonstrates what he likes to do with a penis... while on drugs...)



One of the many reasons I’m going to Hell (none being that I am gay) is how much I enjoy when things like this happen. Ted Haggard, evangelical Christian and opposer of gay marriage, has been revealed as having paid for sex 36 times over the last three years. Oh, and the kicker? He was also using drugs.

Can we say “Delicious!”?

Teddy-boy does not believe in gay marriage, but hot man-on-(drugged) man sex is apparently being “faithful” to his wife and five kids. I love it when one can interpret vague passages in The Bible to condemn gay relationships, but when it comes to The Ten Commandments themselves—and in particular, the seventh—somehow there is ‘wiggle room.’ Where’s the tranny-hooker when you need one? I don’t think The Bible mentions tranny-hookers (the jury is still out on Mary Magdalene…)

What next for the good reverend? Does he come out—leaving the wife and kids? Will he be leading next year’s San Francisco Gay Pride Parade? I am sure Haggard will use the “I take full responsibility—but it was the addiction, not me” approach so successfully used by Mel Gibson and Reverend Phelps* is the biggest homo of them all? Honestly, no one thinks about gays and gay sex as much as that man—not even gays themselves. Seriously, I have better things to do with my time than to think about two guys screwing around… like thinking of three guys screwing around.**

I think we had better start looking for the next Haggard in politics, because you know they are out there. Start looking for those who bash gays the most and you are on target: Dubya? Maybe. Condeleeza? No, she likes Karl Rove? Something tells me he’s not just gay, he’s so anti-gay, he has got to be into some weird and twisted fetish-sex that I am actually salivating while I wait for that press release.











*I know what website I’ve linked to… and what I have not linked to.
** You knew that was coming, didn’t you? Of course you did—you’re smart.