Slap & Tickle

Sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve written. Then again, is anyone reading this? If so, why? If not, why not? Come on, I’m as narcissistic as the next guy, I want to be read. Mostly, I’d like to get laid, but I’ll settle for a good read any day. Sadly, usually I do…

Anyhow, I’ve been working on employee evaluations at work, or as I call it: “Reinventing the wheel every other day.” Every time I stay until 10:30 at night, working and reworking these forms, I find out the next morning that I’m using last year’s forms… or this year we’re doing things differently… or I didn’t quite get the concept… or I got the concept, but need to think “like a manager” (read: like an asshole).

No, sir, I just don’t like this evaluating business.

On to something else… something fun… something timely…

I can’t think of anything so let’s talk Star Wars.

I saw it on Sunday… in DLP (digital projection). I must say, I was more impressed with the presentation of the film than the film. It was just so in focus! I have never seen any movie that in focus. It goes to show you how screwed we’ve been all these years.

I liked the movie. Things blew up, Yoda kicked ass, and I got to see Hayden’s nipples. What a day! Yet the critics and the Star Wars geeks hated it for whatever silly reason they could come up with: bad dialog and poor acting (but kick-ass special effects).

Seriously, why is Star Wars held to such an extremely high standard? It’s an f’ing action movie, for Chrissakes! What action film is held to any standards? Are we not continually surprised when an action film has 1) credible dialog, 2) decent acting, or 3) an actual plot? If not, explain the careers of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.

Examine the first Star Wars (or is it the fourth? It’s chapter IV, but film number one… thanks for confusing us, George): Was the plot that great? No, pretty simple actually. And the dialog? Please! It was dreadful. What about the poor plot points? Luke loses the only parents he’s ever known, burns the bodies and says, “There’s nothing for me here now…” The people that just raised you were viciously slaughtered, are you going to mourn a little more than staring into the double sunset?

Star Wars was not a great film, it was a fun film. Empire was a great film. Dark, twisted and wonderful. Jedi was a load of crap that I still am waiting repayment of my $5.75 for the displeasure of suffering through. The Phantom Menace was three hours of boredom with sprinkles of annoyance liberally spread throughout (generously supplied by Jar-Jar Binks and an annoying Anakin Skywalker).

Did I love it? No. Did I like it? Yeah. Will I see it again? Hell, yeah. It’s Star Wars and one must watch it again and again to catch all the cool things George throws in for us to enjoy. Don’t spend so much time hoping that the film will be something else (i.e. something better, something more exciting, something that answers more questions than it poses, etc.) just enjoy it for what it is.

Rock the Force, baby!

--cml