Slap & Tickle

“My husbands an alcoholic…”

I went to dinner with my friend Scott (you know, the guy who’s birthday I forgot?) and we’re sitting outside of Starbucks, enjoying our after-dinner coffees and these guys walk by and make a comment to some woman sitting near us about being a smoker, too. She replies and in the space of a minute, they start chatting in a too familiar pattern. Nothing "saucy" but a little too much like they had somehow instantly become best friends because they both smoke.

Odd, but not too weird, right? Wrong. Very wrong. In less than two minutes, these strangers start to reveal to each other the most intimate of details. The one that caught my eavesdropping ear first was the title of this blog. Who just throws that out in conversation? Seriously, who? (Well… I guess those idiots would be the answer.)

Within five minutes the guy is offering her his manager discount at whatever store he works at ("because my boss totally trusts me..." stupid boss.) and she’s discussing her breast cancer operation and her mother’s various illnesses.

What struck me as the most odd, is that the guy, a perfect stranger to this woman not ten minutes earlier, begins to tell her EXACTLY where he lives. I mean, he gives directions to his place! He had commented about living near by and she said, “Oh, where?” and he tells her to "go out on Hamilton, Right on Leigh, past the school, but before Albertsons, to turn right" and then told her the address and apartment number. I wasn't sure if I missed something, so I looked to see if she was taking notes or something—she wasn’t. Was he just hoping she'd show up?

Smoker Woman: Hi!
Smoke Dude: Who...?
Smoker Woman: It's me! Smoker Chick!
Smoker Dude: Huh?
Smoker Woman: We met at Starbucks... you told me how to get to your house.
Smoker Dude: Oh... yeah
Smoker Woman: I figured you wanted to have sex.
Smoker Dude: Come on in!
[Cue porn music: wacka-chicka-wacka-chicka-bow-wow]

Maybe it’s me, but I try not to get that close to strangers. Heck, a number of my friends still have no idea where I work. I won’t even give my parents my address (that’s all I need is them showing up while I’m at home!)

People are very strange…