Too Hot for Friday

Oh. My. Gawd. Well, at least I now know what I'll be for Halloween.

Isn't Treason an Impeachable Offense?

It's seems the press has finally gotten some balls and the talk of impeaching Dubya is starting to get some traction. Let's hope it does.



I think it would be perfect for Hillary to run on a platform of "restoring dignity to the White House."

Does the Man Not Eat?

"I'm a-powerful hungry"

Why is it whenever Bush travels outside the U.S. all he can talk about is food? When he went to Germany a few years back—he kept talking about a pig they were roasting for him. I believe he mentioned it three times.

"It will be a very tasty pig..."

His most recent trip is another fine example of the man traveling on both an empty stomach and head—he seemed obsessed with being fed.

Somebody get this guy a sandwich so he can start making rational decisions!

"I'm a-cookin' fer ya, Dubya!"*

*Alternative quote: "I'm as annoying as Shrub--with fewer casualties!"

Alternative, Alternative quote: "I'm a skank."

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: Sexy, Bitch!




Look at that sexy, sexy man! Whoo! You go boy!

No? You don’t think so? Tell that to the government who has found a man they are in love with. Someone who is taking the fall for every last terrorist attack of the last 15 years. Osama bin Who? Forget him. He was small potatoes. It’s all about their sexy boy-toy Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

According to press releases, Khalid has “confessed”* to:

• 2001 attack on the US
  
• 1993 attack on the World Trade Center
  
• The beheading of Daniel Pearl (yeah, he did it himself…)
  
• Attempted shoe bombing of American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris
  
• Managing and following up on the Cell for the Production of Biological Weapons, such as anthrax and others, and following up on Dirty Bomb Operations on American soil
  
• Assassination attempt against Pope John Paul II while he was visiting the Philippines

Not widely reported are Khalid’s admitting to:

• Killing Anna Nicole Smith (“I am Dannielynn’s father…”)
  
• Introducing Tom Cruise to Scientology (“It was a joke… we were drunk”)
  
• The cancellation of Arrested Development (“More ‘The War at Home’! Fun-ny!")
  
• The election of George Bush in 2000 (“Ever see Katherine Harris and I in the same room?”)
• Produced Basic Instinct 2 (“What? I’m dating Sharon Stone!”)
  
  And last…
  
• The Planning for the Invasion of Iraq (“It worked perfectly from my end…”)

*Those bruises and scars were already there—I swear!

General Pace Can Suck My Dick (the bible says so)

Marine General Peter Pace certainly is living in the past, isn’t he? The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs was recently quoted as saying that “homosexuality is immoral.”

Once again, these holier-than-thou jerks are playing at taking the moral high ground. Gen. Pace, I would like you to meet Rev. Haggard.

Let’s peruse the bible for a moment and… hey, what’s this? Why it’s the Ten Commandments! Let me see here… sucking dick… sucking dick… disco… Cher… sucking dick… titty clamps… Matt Sanchez/Rod Majors… Nope. No mention of homosexuality. But, what’s this? I believe it’s God’s Commandment: THOU SHALT NOT KILL. Hey, how’s that Iraq thing going? You know the one with over 600,000 Iraqis dead? Wow… now who’s immoral? That’s what I thought.

Personally, anyone named Peter should be very careful about discussing sexuality…

What's In My Five

A friend emailed me and asked me to email her my top five movies. Is she freaking kidding me? FIVE? How can I limit it to five? Is that drama or comedy? Combined? Kill me. Kill me right now.

I decided to go with my top five comedies, because I like comedy more. I compiled a nice list (in no particular order) and then went about picking my top five… which I narrowed down to a minuscule 108 films.

I was able to group the list into 20 films and even those into two groups, but beyond that, I can’t go any lower. Most of these films float back and forth depending on my mood, the time of day, if I’m hungry, who I am with, etc.

Below is my Top Ten, quickly followed by my Top Twenty… which is (surprise!) followed by everything else. I don’t expect you to agree with my choices, but they are just that: my choices.

I should probably apologize in advance—I threw this list together from some other lists I had and moved things around, so some movies may have accidentally been repeated. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or feel I may have neglected one of your favorites. However, remember this: If I don’t like it, then it probably wasn’t funny.

My Top Comedies

1. Blazing Saddles
   
2. It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World


3. What’s Up, Doc?


4. Desk Set


5. Nobody’s Fool


6. Noises Off!


7. The Producers (1968)


8. His Girl Friday


9. The 40 Year-Old Virgin


10. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off



11. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle


12. SOB


13. The Philadelphia Story


14. Victor/Victoria


15. Network


16. Stuart Saves His Family


17. Young Frankenstein


18. Tootsie


19. Caddyshack


20. Diner



21. Groundhog Day


22. Best in Show


23. The Aristocrats


24. Moonstruck


25. Shaun of the Dead


26. Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House


27. Broadcast News


28. Bull Durham


29. Dr. Strangelove


30. A Mighty Wind


31. Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan


32. Office Space


33. Fast Times at Ridgemont High


34. Private Benjamin


35. There’s Something About Mary


36. Airplane!


37. Arthur


38. Auntie Mame


39. 10


40. 1941


41. Strictly Ballroom


42. Ninotchka


43. Some Like It Hot


44. Take the Money and Run


45. This is Spinal Tap


46. When Harry Met Sally


47. National Lampoon’s Animal House


48. Raising Arizona


49. Silver Streak


50. The General


51. Ghostbusters


52. Ace Ventura Pet Detective


53. Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert


54. Bad News Bears


55. The Big Picture


56. Billy Madison


57. Reality Bites


58. Galaxy Quest


59. Brother, Where Art Thou?


60. The Ref


61. Army of Darkness


62. Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery


63. Back to the Future


64. Foul Play


65. Girls Just Want to Have Fun


66. Happy Gilmore


67. He Said, She Said


68. History of the World, Part I


69. Home Alone


70. Kentucky Fried Movie


71. Meatballs


72. Miss Congeniality


73. My Best Friend’s Wedding


74. My Favorite Year


75. Parenthood


76. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure


77. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles


78. The Princess Bride


79. Quick Change


80. Elf


81. Zoolander


82. Real Genius


83. The Return of the Pink Panther


84. Risky Business


85. The Ritz


86. Old School


87. Team America: World Police


88. Monster’s Inc.


89. Shrek


90. Shrek II


91. Roxanne


92. The Sandlot


93. Seems Like Old Times


94. She’s Having A Baby


95. Sixteen Candles


96. So I Married an Axe Murderer


97. Splash


98. Stripes


99. Supergirl (unintentional comedy, but a comedy none-the-less)


100. Thank God It’s Friday


101. Trading Places


102. The Trouble with Angels


103. Waiting for Guffman


104. Wayne’s World


105. What’s New Pussycat?


106. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


107. Without a Clue


108. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown