Slap & Tickle

Facebook Help = Welcome to Hell

So, I've been locked out of Facebook for a day now. No access to my account, friends, etc. I have no idea what's going on. Every time I enter my password, I get a "site maintenance" notification. Really? Facebook maintains their site? Really...? Really...? It runs like shit and every time they make an 'improvement' the site runs even slower than before. I should note that all these 'improvements' are without any notification that they've made said improvement, you have to muddle through and figure out what they've done.

I've had issues with these fuckers before, and it usually clears up in an hour or two, so I've learned to have some patience, even if these issues come at the most inopportune time. Yesterday, while unable to access Facebook, I was able to access Farmville (yeah, I know... but I feel very Karen Blixen: "I had a farm in Africa. I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills."). I harvested, played with the ducks (I love those ducks!), and then managed to 'back door' my way into Facebook, which was running like shit. Why? Because they'd just done an update that isn't just pointless, it's counter productive. But that's Facebook--if it ain't broke, it soon will be!

Today, I can't get in online, through Farmville or through my iPhone. Each attempt is met with a "site maintenance" notification and a request to "try again in a few hours". A few hours?! Really? No notification that there are issues, just a half-assed pop up when trying to get in. It might have worked better to have Bill Lumbergh appear with his cup of coffee saying, "Oh yeah... that. Yeah... we've been having problems with that, so you might want to come back later..."

Deciding that something needed to be done, I shouted, "Something needs to be done!" and proceeded to the Facebook "Help" Page to find the answer. What I quickly discovered was that most Facebook users have to be idiots. The FAQ page consisted of questions like "I want to change my password." Seriously, you need help for that? Looking around is too taxing, eh? Whatever...

I scanned the Login issues page and not finding anything relevant, I clicked on the Login and Password issues page--I look through the list. My issue is there, but it doesn't answer any questions. Basically, Bill is back saying, "Oooh... yeah... not gonna happen." When I click on the 'My bug is not listed here button,' it takes me back to the beginning. No other options available, and no option to get assistance. Basically, my account is dead and there's not a damn thing I can do about it... and Facebook certainly isn't going to waste their valuable time working on it.

So, the question is, do I start a new account and waste more time? Or should I wait and let Facebook's incompetence catch up with them and let them be bypassed by 'the next big thing' like My Space before it?

I'll miss talking to all my friends... but I'm really going to miss those ducks...