Slap & Tickle

Lazy Days of Summer…

I haven’t written in a while. I could say I’ve been incredibly busy: traveling, working, out with friends, on dates, getting laid… but I’d be lying. The reason is pure and simple: I’m lazy.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing… sometimes I want to surf the internet… sometimes, I am actually working. As for dating… let’s leave that carcass alone. There is nothing there to speak of, so I’d rather not depress myself any more than I already am.

…sigh…

Don’t feel like a failure… be one!
I have not gone to the bars in ages. I’m not sure why—sudden burst of insecurity is all I can think of. I have posted to half a dozen websites in their personals sections… no response. Not one fucking response. How depressing is that?

I thought I was witty in my personal ad… maybe I was just annoying. Should I write something like “Hey, wanna get fucked?” Maybe that would be the kicker that would get a response. Good Lord… what if they sent a response that said, “Absolutely not!” I guess not getting responses is akin to that, eh?

I have no desire to go back to the bars, as I was not exactly a hit to start. Okay, I did have a nice first evening, but that was in comparison to the vast emptiness of anything previous. I chatted with Keith, I drooled over poor JD (the poor bastard had no idea that he’d hit on such a freak—maybe he did: I never heard from him again).

After that first night, my evenings at the Lonestar were strictly observations, with almost no contact with anyone outside of a bartender (who is REQUIRED to speak. Even then, they aren’t too chatty—so much for the tip-really-big-and-they’ll-like-you-and-introduce-you-to-some-hottie theory).

Okay, we’re moving on from Poor-Pathetic-Not-Getting’-Any section of our blog.

Elvis HAS Left the Building (and so has Groucho)
Apparently, after years of reports that he is alive and directing traffic in some small town somewhere, Elvis is, in fact, dead. Yes, he’s been dead for 25 years. So what? The bigger story (in MY book) is that Groucho Marx has also been dead 25 years. 25 years TODAY!

Will there be any big ta-doo over this? No. Just like his death, Groucho Marx will be completely run over by a drug riddled and bloated, has-been of a rockstar. Pity poor Groucho, who had the bad timing to die the same week as Elvis. Say what you will about Groucho, he and his brothers defined comedy in the 30’s and 40’s. His impact on comedy continues into today. The man loved and used irony with abandon. He poked fun at the establishment and made comedy more than pratfalls.

What else can I rant about?
I’m in a rather bad mood with all this ranting, so I’ll stop. It’s just so easy to complain.

I should get back to work… but it’s so much easier to procrastinate. With my penchant for laziness, I have a feeling that procrastination is going to win the day.

Finally, I’ve won something: Laziness! It's the best of both words!