Slap & Tickle

Reporting on Rita
Is it just me, or does it seem like every time a hurricane hits, CNN grabs Anderson Cooper and literally throws him outside in the wind and rain to report on it?! I’m not sure what he’s supposed to report, because there is not much to report on from outside other than it’s cold, wet and very, very, very windy. As I’m watching right now, Anderson has just told Aaron Brown for the fifth time in the last four minutes that 1) it is raining really hard, and 2) that it is very, very, very windy.

Chad Myers, the CNN meteorologist, just explained to Anderson that the wind near the eye will move from 50 mph (where it is now) to 90 mph. “However,” he noted, “it won’t move 50, 60, 70, etc. It will move from 50 to 90 almost immediately.” I wasn’t watching on my TV with TiVo, but I think if you slow-mo’d the footage you could see the moment when Anderson crapped in his pants.

Because the wind is so loud, Anderson wasn’t quite sure he heard Chad correctly. “Am I to understand that you said it will go from 50 – 90 in seconds?”

“Yes.”

[Blank stare from Anderson... and possible crapping in his pants.]

For the love of Mike, Anderson! Get inside—you’re too cute to be out in weather like that. Can’t we get someone annoying like Al Roker or Willard Scott out there?

CNN also has Rob Marciano (who is quite adorable in his own right) and Dr. Sanjay Gupta standing outside as well. Poor Rob is reporting from what looks like a parking lot and reporting that “there is not a lot of debris flying about.” Um, Rob? Wherever there is debris, you don’t want to be there. I keep expecting to see a boat fly by…

And then there is Dr. Gupta (yet another good looking guy). However, while the rain is coming down hard behind him, he’s completely dry and the wind isn’t bothering him at all! Anderson and Rob are practically having their skin removed by the force of the rain and the good doctor really only needs a light sweater. It must be nice to be a doctor…

Now CNN has cut to Randy Kaye who is standing near a wrought iron fence… if the wind picks up any more, I have a feeling I know where she’s going to end up. She just mentioned that the palm trees that she is standing next to, have just recently been planted. Hello? Do you understand that roots take a long time establish themselves? Lady, you need to be standing somewhere else… like Oregon.

I decided to check out the idiots at FOX and they never disappoint. Shepard Smith is standing in a street and he’s taking a pounding. Sean Hannity is interviewing him and it’s clear that neither of them really knows what’s going on. I think they’ve read the briefs, but they don’t understand what is really happening. Shepard actually said, “With all these storms it makes you wonder just what is making this happen?” Then he paused for a second… Oops. Did he just insinuate Global Warming? “Uh… these are cyclical,” he said desperately trying to save his ass, “they had big storms like this in the 40’s and 50’s… but I’m not sure if they had two in a row.” He was immediately followed by a reporter stating that the Governor of Texas had asked for our prayers. Solid reporting by FOX!

Is there a better way to indicate tragic circumstances are afoot than with an elegant logo? Well, CNN has a simple, yet elegant Rita logo and I really like it. I guess the only better thing would be to paste it by Anderson Cooper standing in a hurricane.


[okay, I promised a funny one… I’m still thinking about it—I’m such a crappy writer. I just throw the words down and go, so I can’t start typing unless I have a basic idea and an ending, so I'm still thinking... check back tomorrow.]