Slap & Tickle

Oh, The Humiliation

So, I was dating this guy* and things** were okay*** until he said something strange. I should note that he's kind of butch****, likes to race motorcycles, and seemed to be one tough hombre.

Then, after what I would call a rather unsatisfying session, it was all I could do not to say, "Just finish up, 24 starts in 15 minutes." Finally, in what I hoped would not be misenterpreted as "hurry the fuck up" I said, "What will help you get off?" (I know... subtle.) He looked at me and uttered those words I loathe to hear: "Humiliate me."

What. The. Fuck?

Had I been as quick thinking as Scooter, I would have said what he suggested: "Humiliate you? What kind of an idiot likes that? Oh, that's right, you do you f'ing pussy." Or some other bit of humiliation. Instead, I lamely put together some such statement that got him to the point where I could hand him a towel, put my pants on and go home.

I tend to blanch at dirty talk. How much is enough without going too far? I once knew a guy who thought that I wanted to "be [his] bitch." I didn't. The third time he yelled that in the span of a minute, I got off the sling, undid the handcuffs, pulled off the assless chaps and walked out. I have my pride, you know.*****

Butch Guy seemed somewhat normal--not normal in the idea that I would ever want a relationship with him, but normal enough to fool around every now and again.

I have not returned his phone calls in the last three weeks and don't forsee getting together with him anytime in the near future (the last time we got together it was at the Saratoga Hot Tubs. Ugh. Think of the sleaziest motel ever... and add a hot tub to the room---mmmmmm, can you smell the bleach and stale beer? Oh, yeah...)

Good thing I'm going back to school, otherwise I might begin to miss all the great sex I haven't been having...








*by "dating" I mean: meeting up for sex and then not seeing each other for a while...
**by "things" I mean: the sex...
***by "okay" I mean: we enjoyed ourselves, but nothing else was ever to be expected from this relationship...
****by "kind of" I mean: doesn't think of himself as gay as much as he thinks he's just having sex with a guy--go figure.
*****Total lie: never been in a sling, never worn assless chaps and have no pride whatsoever.