Slap & Tickle

Throw Her Ass in Jail

Paris Hilton—a woman who only thinks about Paris Hilton—is upset that because, as a result of her repeatedly breaking the law, her skinny ass is being sent to jail. Boo-freakin’-hoo. She claims that this is the result of her being made an example of because she’s famous. What, exactly, is she famous for? Famous for not doing anything. Famous for partying too much. Famous for being drunk.

Now, some douche-bag Joshua has an online petition to the Governator to pardon her because (get this Paris “provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives".

Hope? Hope for what? That your daddy is the heir of a huge fortune and that you get some of that cash, but you contribute nothing to society? Beauty? Oh, Anna… Anorexia… they’re calling for you. Excitement? Ooh, what party is Paris going to get drunk at next? Will she see Lindsay there? Will they argue? Will I give a crap?

I do enjoy how her mother is being supportive of her, “stands behind her” and is angry at the court. Lady, you are her parent—this is your fault. You let your kid go out and party in high school because you couldn’t be bothered to act like a parent. It’s too late now, but don’t blame others for making an effort to correct your mistakes.

I can not put it any better than this: Paris wants you to “sihn” the petition. Christ, all that money and the skank (skanque) can’t spell?

So, now I’m starting a petition*: Put Paris’ bony ass in jail! Start with the original 45 days the judge sentenced her to, another 45 for wasting our time with this frivolous story, another 45 for each time she’s been photographed staggering through the streets of L.A. drunk… I think that puts her in jail for at least a few years.

And if we’re lucky, she’ll be left there and forgotten.

Next case: Lindsay Lohan…






*Yes, there are those that are urging no clemency, but I am advocating for additional time.