Slap & Tickle

I’m a Quasi Hit!

Well, after several years, I’ve finally posted 1000 unique visitors to this website. Wow. Over 1000 people are more bored now than if I wasn’t writing at all…

Just a couple of stats to bore you with and I’ll let you get on your way, because I know you’re busy and can’t stay past your average of 260 seconds before zipping off to… well, that costs me to look up that information, so I’m just going to assume you leave my site and head immediately to the 700 Club or the NRC. After all, that is my target audience.

Only 16 of the 50 US states have visited my page… I’m definitely a Blue State kind of guy—however, Ohio, Florida and Texas did make a showing (a lot from Texas, actually…). I gotta work on the other, er, what is it? 23 states, or something like that? How many are there now? And do we really need that many? (Seriously, a North AND South Dakota? West Virginia is about as big as a zit I have on my ass right now… seriously, let’s tighten this up, people. And Rhode Island… why? I mean, really. Why?) Okay, so where was I…?

Ah, my precious… precious blog.

I’ve been visited by inhabitants of nine different countries (not counting the US). I’m not surprised by the UK or Germany… but Malaysia? Hungary (Lukas… is that you?) But I’m most surprised at Peru. Actually, not that they visited, but that they exist at all. Really, you’re the Rhode Island of South America… why isn’t someone on the UN working on this? Get a map and start working on this.

Referrals (How I LOVE Them)

The top five referrals from search engines are as follows:
1) Giada De Laurentiis brought in the most. Searches I’m particularly fond of are: “Giada Boobs” and “everyday italian host big boobs”
2) Tickle was the second biggest search on the web with such inquiries as “Finger tickle,” “tickle boys,” and my personal favorite: “tickle uncut dick.” Thanks for stopping in and I hope you enjoyed your Tickle… (you perverts)
And, finally, my personal favorite:
3) "vincent price's grave" Who the fuck ARE you people?

Lastly, I’d like to thank Google for their help when someone is searching for Slap and Tickle, they ask: Do you mean: slap and tackle? Thanks Google Geeks… thank you very, very, very much.

I would sincerely like to thank those few of you who do actually read my blog (and comment… God bless you for commenting—it validates me and my sad little life…). It is nice to know that someone, somewhere at sometime is reading what I wrote… even in Peru.