Friday, May 29, 2009

Get This Weekend Started

Here are some texts from Texts from Last Night to get you all in the mood for a wonderful weekend.

(814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

(713): We need to get cat food
(713): Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms

(270): i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.

(320): Good. You are like the clit whisperer.

(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

(415): I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(301): Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

(703): he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

Becareful out there, it's only funny if you can text about it the next day (from jail does not count).

Later, bitches!

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