Slap & Tickle

More Texts from Last Night

I haven’t checked this site in a while… some new lovelies:

(205): I only kidnapped one of them. Chill

(303): am i morally bankrupt?
(970): no. its just the recession

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I’m surprised this isn’t from (303)

(480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There’s a story here… a story I don’t want to know.

(480): just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

(410): He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.

(512): Can Purell be used as lube?
This will not end well

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally agree with this one. It drives me nuts!

(312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

(202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

On that note, have a wonderful weekend, bitches!