Get This Weekend Started

Here are some texts from Texts from Last Night to get you all in the mood for a wonderful weekend.

(814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

(713): We need to get cat food
(713): Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms

(270): i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.

(320): Good. You are like the clit whisperer.

(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

(415): I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(301): Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

(703): he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.


Becareful out there, it's only funny if you can text about it the next day (from jail does not count).

Later, bitches!

I Know Who Ryan Reynolds Is

I love when celebrities not only make fun of themselves, but totally go against type. Kudos to Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds and the FABulous Betty White for playing against type in such a hysterical manner.

I love Sandra's "dress down" of Ryan: "No one knows who you are!"

Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds: Behind the Scenes of The Proposal from Betty White

More Texts from Last Night

I haven’t checked this site in a while… some new lovelies:

(205): I only kidnapped one of them. Chill

(303): am i morally bankrupt?
(970): no. its just the recession

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I’m surprised this isn’t from (303)

(480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There’s a story here… a story I don’t want to know.

(480): just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

(410): He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.

(512): Can Purell be used as lube?
This will not end well

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally agree with this one. It drives me nuts!

(312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

(202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

On that note, have a wonderful weekend, bitches!

Been There, Bought That


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

Church Hat

By the way, if you think I'm not going to wear that hat to church on Easter, you are SO mistaken...

Sing it, 'Retha!

...if only I could find shoes that match!

Star Wars...

...as told by someone who's never seen it. Effing hysterical.


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

I found this at YesButNoButYes.

Doing Time on Spank Bank Friday

In honor of a friend whose son is having--shall we say--a slight disagreement with members of the local law enforcement, I present this special Spank Bank Friday: COPS! edition.

Not sure who any of these guys are, but I wouldn't mind sharring a cell with them... of course, only in a Falcon Video* or Chi Chi Larue Film* sort of way...

I believe this is Britney's first husband.
Keeping up with the Spears, Mr. Alexander?

Every prison needs a bitch.
"You gotta real purdy mouth, boy..."

*I'm not putting links to these... either you know them, or you don't, but I wouldn't recommend you straight guys or gals go looking for them--it could effect you in ways you never thought possible.

Been There, Ate That...

After every Thanksgiving I vow never to eat again. Ever. Then the holiday parties start and I'm stuffing myself, because I'll never eat again (I mean it this time... sort of).

I feel for this dog...

Redneck Wedding

You can’t get much more redneck than this: Bubba and Pam got “hitched” in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Georgia—apparently, they both work there. Bubba had to work the morning shift…



I love the video… trash all the way through. “Tia: Maney” the brilliant creator of this awesome video suffers a bit from ADD—hardly any picture lasts more than a second before “artistically” fading into another pic. As you can see from the end credits of the video screen shot, “Tia: Maney” also doesn’t understand how to change a font size and/or completely lacks an understanding of aesthetics. I hear Britney has signed Tia to direct her next video...

Stairway to Stardom!

Why these people never found fame is beyond me.

Get Me Jesus!


What. A. Tease.


Her Name Was Lola, She Was a… WTF?


Thanks to The Chaser Blog for leading me to this…

Kickin' Ass!

I have five neices and nephews and never worried that they would attack me... except when they were about five. For some reason I worried. I guess I had no need to, apparently, I could easily take them:

19

Good thing there are only five of them... otherwise, I'd be screwed.