Slap & Tickle

I have big weekend plans: I’m going to rearrange my bedroom! Wow, just saying it fills me with lethargy… is that the proper use of the word? I’m too lazy to look it up, so let’s just say it is.

I bought a 27” TV and a new DVD player for my bedroom and now, my furniture configuration will not allow me to properly set up all the equipment. Currently, I have a 12” TV (which I refused to replace until it was broken) two VCRs (dubbing? Who me?) and a laserdisc player (welcome to the 1980’s). They are all stacked on my dresser and it’s all precariously balanced. Thank God we haven’t had any earthquakes lately or there would be an electronics disaster in my bedroom.

In the next week or two, I’ll finally get the digital cable box installed in my room and I’ll never have to leave my room… ever. With my immense porn and general video collection, I will only need to leave for the occasional bathroom and food breaks. Other than that, I expect to never see the sun again.

Since I’m moving furniture, I’ve decided I need to clean my room. This is an undertaking that no mortal man should ever have to attempt. It is frightening how much shit I have in my room that needs dusting and cleaning. At this point, my room is divided into piles. Pile “A” consists of clean clothes. Pile “B” consists of dirty clothes. Pile “C” consists of thing I think are dirty, but should pile “A” become depleted, Pile “C” becomes the backup. Pile “D” consists of magazines for shredding (I save pictures for cards) and Pile “E” consists of magazines that are… well, porn that can no longer fit in the drawers because there is just too much of it (I can’t bear to tear them apart). Pile “F” consists of mail and stuff that I need to go through but I’m procrastinating. Pile “G” is uh… what the hell is that stuff? Pile “G” we’ll call the mystery/miscellaneous pile. Don’t turn on the light because it bothers it, and always back out of the room slowly.

Once the furniture is moved, the cleaning will take place. I clean by taking all of the piles and throwing them on my bed. Then I go through each item and put it away. Needless to say, by the end I’m just creating piles again… but they are neat piles.