Slap & Tickle

I spent the weekend at a screenwriting seminar. I’m trying to learn more about the creation of a story and proper storytelling. As you can tell by any of my previous Blogs, my storytelling ability is sorely lacking.

The sessions were 10 hours each for three days in a row. Let me just say that I dozed through a good portion of the program. It was a fascinating program, however, I am a total attention deficit disorder personality. I’m the MTV generation. I love quick fast edits. Bullet points are god-like to me. After an hour of facts, no matter how interesting or useful, my mind wants to be entertained.

I am the least mature and laziest person you’ll ever meet.

I am 36 years old, with little or no ambition, the maturity of a 16 year-old, the libido of a 14 year-old who just discovered masturbation (except I have no guilt), and would love nothing but to channel surf all freaking day long.

I spent half the time amusing myself with my two favorite pastimes, the first being “Is he gay?” where I look at some cute guy and wonder if he’s gay, what he does sexually, and imagine him giving head and either fucking or getting fucked. The second game is “Would I Fuck Him?” I usually play this game while waiting for friends in a public place, and I just check them off as they walk by: Yes. Yes. No. If I were drunk. Yes. Maybe. EWWW! Yes. Yes. Oh my fucking God YES! Yes. No. No. If he’s got a personality… etc.

As you can see, there are a lot of yeses in there. I’m not that picky. I can pretty much find any man out there attractive, or at least some part of them attractive. My policy is: If he’s a man and he’s alive, what’s not to like?

Basically, I’m a whore. Actually, if I had any sex, I’d be a whore. I’m a wanna-be whore. I’m working up to it. I study hard [insert pun here], but I don’t go out enough to get anything. Boo-hoo, poor Chris.

Currently, I’m in one of my extreme horny stages. I think about sex all the time. Constantly. I need a cold, cold shower.

And now to get some work done… and not to think of hot naked men. Sometimes I wonder why I ever took this job as a story editor at a porn magazine.