Slap & Tickle

Come Join My Birthday Pity Party!

Today is my birthday... I'm 42. Good Lord, I was hoping for so much more by this age. When I was a kid, I used to think of what I would be like when I was older. I turned 36 in the year 2000 and that was sort of the benchmark for me growing up: "What will I be like at 36?"

I thought I'd be married (ha!--remember, I was a kid...) and that I'd have a really cool job like, oh, managing an office at some cool company like IBM, or something. Yeah, that was the dream... (remember, it was the 70's and that was a cool dream. I never said it was a GROOVY dream, just a cool one--I was raised by Republicans, so my view of the world is skewed.)

And my birthday's would be these wild and fun celebrations and all my (hundreds) of friends would be there--it would be wild.

It all flashed on me in the middle of my SafeServ sanitation class tonight as I was trying to stay awake--it's interesting, but I'm tired.* There I was, single me sitting in a class wondering what turn did I make that brought me here? Sure, I feel my life is finally on track again, but when the fuck did it get so off track?

Needless to say, there was no surprise party or any other such "event" for my birthday... Oh, poor me--Lebanon is in ruins, Israel is attacking everyone, Iraq could not be any closer to a civil war if Abe Lincoln were president and I'm feeling sorry for myself. At least I have my sense of perspective: it's all about me!

Or, it could be because, in my state of self pity I came home, opened up a bottle of my delicious** bottle of Limocello and, after two glasses, I am feeling no pain. Happy birthday to me, indeed!




*No, really, it is interesting. You're reading about a man who, after taking this class, will never again eat ground beef, never go to a fast-food restaurant, and will never look at an egg the same way again. But, you... you go on and enjoy your meal. I'll just prepare for your inevitable doom....

**If I do say so myself--and I do. Damn, this shit is g-o-o-o-d! Mmmmm... lemony-alcohol.