Slap & Tickle

A Tale of Two Babies, Several Secrets and One Click


This is the story of two of my friends who both have adopted baby girls.

Dude* adopted a baby girl from somewhere in the red states in December. I got progress reports as the date of delivery neared and then several emails right about the time the baby was born. Now I get occasional emails with pictures giving updates on the adoption process and the state of the family. The child is adorable and they are just the perfect little family…

Awwww…

Chick** also adopted a child recently. My friends and I heard she and her husband were attempting to adopt a few years ago and I thought I heard that they were getting a baby last summer. Then I got a notice in the spring noting that the baby had been born in September and they would be picking her up “sometime this summer.” And that was the last I heard on the matter—I have no idea when they were picking up the baby or getting back. When I inquired about a baby shower, I was told that Chick specifically requested not to have one.

The other day I heard that Chick was “disappointed” by the lack of enthusiasm from her friends and that no one had contacted her about the baby. Wha…?

Chick has a very tight close group of friends she shares things with (Chick’s Click) and the rest of us get our information from Chick’s Click. If Das Click does not say anything, then we do not know anything. Pretty simple, no?

Add to that the fact that Das Click is tight lipped (Yes, it’s a TLCC: a Tight Lipped Chick Click). Recently, one of Chick’s Click mentioned that she knew the name of “The Baby” but was “sworn to secrecy.” Is the name that bad or are they looking to copyright it out of fear someone will steal the name? Chick’s Click likes the fact that “they are in the know” and will say they “know something but can’t tell.” Then why say anything at all?

Let’s recap:
—No notification except to Click
—Click that keeps “secrets” really well
—Refusal to have a baby shower…
—Yet she is pissed we are not excited about “The Baby”? How can I be excited about something I know nothing about? Guess what? I am really excited about August 31—but I can’t tell you why or what is going to happen, but you are excited, right? Of course not.

Frankly, I consider this bad parenting. It is the parents job to cram pictures and information about “the most adorable child in the world” while their friends feign interest—it’s all in the job description.

As friends, our job is to be as excited as the parents (many times even when we aren’t…) why? It’s in our job description… As a parent, you are the child’s PR agent. I will not know if your kid is walking until the parent tells me (or the kid walks up to me—hopefully, with a cocktail in hand). These kids will never call me (unless they get a DUI in college and is too scared to call their dad and is hoping I will bail them out***—otherwise, it is all up to mom and dad to let me know how the kid is doing. How did Chick manage to reach the age of 44 and not get this information?

A friend of mine has over 2000 pictures of his 10 month old on his website… 2000! Who needs that many pictures of their child? I doubt a moment of that kid’s life is not fully documented. But that is the job of the parent. There is no child as wonderful, smart, adorable, kind, giving, funny, or as original as your child. You are to torture your friends ad nauseam with these facts and we are to smile and coo and agree and be grateful to bask in the presence of your child.

My rant aside, I love hearing information about my friend’s kids. I do not have any, so I can live vicariously through them. The wall in my office is covered with pictures of kids from friends, faculty and co-workers—proud parents all. And when they tell me of colic, tantrums and unfortunate potty training incidents, I can tell them how sorry I am for them and thank God it is not me…

I still have not heard from Chick that they are home, or even what the baby’s name is. However, through a friend, someone told me the baby’s name. I would tell you, but it is a secret…


Addendum: I am supposed to see Chick tonight… if she does not bring the kid or have pictures of said child, I am officially referring to that child as “Suri”. (7/21/06)

Addendum to the Addendum: Chick never showed that evening... left a voicemail stating that "she" (the baby) would go off "her" schedule and that "she" can get pretty cranky and throw Chick and her husband's schedule off. She never mentioned the kid's name. I am officially referring to the child as Suri. And I am yet again expecting to see Chick this weekend, so this may all change... we shall see (8/4/06)

*Not his real name, although I constantly call him that, so it's close enough.
**Oddly enough, that is her name… (I kid. It’s not. Seriously, it’s not… it’s another Chick you’re thinking of…)
***Which I will totally do. What can I say? It’s in the job description…