I Don't Fucking Believe This Shit
I got an email from my sister-in-law this morning regarding Proposition 8 in California, which is trying to define marriage as between a man and a woman, denying gay marriage in the state.
Here is her email:
Hey Chris have you seen the ads for yes on 8? Do you know the facts about this? Do you know if there are intentions to follow this all up with education in schools if the law is changed? Also did you hear about the "field trip" to the 1st grade teacher's wedding officiated by S.F. Mayor? What do you think about all that? I just don't think taxpayers money for schools should be put toward a field trip like this. There is so much curriculum for the schools to cover that there is not enuf time as it is! We need to raise our test scores!! Anyway .....I really do believe in No on 8 ....but I just don't feel I can trust what will happen after this if it passes!!! What is next on the agenda in your opinion?
waffling,
M.
"Waffling"? Seriously? This is a woman with an MBA from Santa Clara University. I thought she was smarter than this... well, she does was FOX "News". Here is my lengthy and tart reply (mind you, this is the severely tempered-down version. I removed a lot--but not all--of "fucks"):
Hold onto your hat, I’m going to rant…
The law the Yes on 8 people are trying to pass WILL DENY GAYS THE RIGHT TO MARRY. THAT’S IT. That’s the law they want to pass. Nothing more is written other than that. If that’s what you want, then fine. Fuck it. I don’t care anymore. If you are going to believe that bullshit, do what you want. I’m so tired of people making their decisions based on a “they’re coming to get you” scare-tactic commercial.
However, if this passes, I vow two things that I will push to my dying day: 1) I want churches taxed. If they have the money to push this shit, then they should pay taxes like everyone else. The Mormon Church has put several million dollars for TV commercials, if they’ve got that kind of money to spread lies around, then they can pay for libraries and fire departments. 2) I will push for the “defense of marriage” in the exact same way these people have pushed for the “defense of life”: absolutes, i.e. NO DIVORCE. If you choose to marry, you’re stuck with it. End of discussion. If these idiots feel stopping gays from marrying is the way to “defend the sanctity of marriage” great—but then I intend to push them to the outer fucking limits. Incidentally, NO ONE who sponsored the DOMA in Congress was on their first marriage. In fact, two of them were on their third. In fact, I believe Larry “Toe-Tapping in a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom for Sex” Craig was a sponsor of that bill. That’s fucking rich.
So, what’s the issue? Do you not want gays to have the right to marry, or is it that people might actually discuss it? Or are we back on that whole sanctity of marriage bullshit?
Let me ask you, where is the sanctity of marriage in getting married in your car? Or by an Elvis impersonator? Where is the sanctity of marriage that the Clark County Court House is open 24 hours on the weekend in case people suddenly get the urge to get married and need a wedding license? Where is the sanctity in marriage where 50% of them end in divorce? Where is the sanctity of marriage in Britney Spears 55 hour “oops” marriage? But two men or women that have been together for 55 years can be denied access to hospital visits from family members because they aren’t married. Jesus fucking Christ! This is the world you want—you can have it.
I thought Republicans were for LESS government involvement in our lives? You guys really need to get your shit together on that and quit flip-flopping around when it suits you.
As for the “field trip”—it was THEIR teacher getting married and they wanted to be a part of it. For the teacher, it was a surprise. The class didn't attend the actual ceremony, but waited outside on the steps of City Hall to congratulate their teacher. My God! They congratulated her? The horror, the absolute fucking horror! Next we might not be able to use “gay panic” as a defense for killing a gay man walking down the street. Oh, that’s right, it’s been used again and again and again…
One final question: when you got married did you have to ask everyone in the state if it was okay to marry the guy you loved?
Sorry to rant. but I’ve been dealing with this shit for the last 25 years and my patience is thin having to justify why I should be allowed to openly love the person I’m with, when straight people can get married and divorced on a whim. I’m not mad at you, but disappointed you are so easily swayed by a crappy campaign commercial.
--Chris
No on 8. Give what you can, we need to get the word out to those who don't fucking get it.
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8 comments:
I can't believe you received that email, but your response is perfect. I would have been too furious to reply so well.
The "fucks" would have been there, though. That's a given. Probably before and after every third word.
Great letter and great post.
You couldn't have put it better, fucks and all.
Great post, great response. I absolutely can't understand what else your SIL thought you would say about this issue. Does she even KNOW you? Weird.
If 8 fails to pass I'm going to fly down and have an oops marriage with you...but unlike Britney's ours will have sex in it!
Well said and more power to you!
Kisses, EGL
I just gave 50 bones to a "No on Prop 8" fund, as requested by my sister and her wife, in lieu of wedding gifts. If that didn't mean "instead of" wedding gifts, then I didn't mean "in lieu of." I was just trying to sound smart.
But really, my point is, what's the point of giving to a worthy fund if you can't brag about it on the internet? Regardless, here's pulling for the good guys.
I should also point out that I know 50 bones is kinda cheap for a wedding present for my only sister, so we're gonna get them some candlesticks or crap like that, too.
Bravo, Chris! So, has your sister responded?
Dear Chris,
Wow. I've got to imagine that was a very hard note for you to receive. I think you handled it quite well.
I recognize in her letters undertones of my own mother's response to my homosexuality. She was always in favor of a tolerance of sorts and now must be more in favor of it because she does not want to lose me. But what's implicit in her language (and she has never conveyed this directly, but still, I can tell--I've been trained to read between the lines) is that what she favors is tolerance, not acceptance. In the end, although I doubt she will ever admit this directly, she is tolerating a perversion and sees this as an act of generosity, for which people like me ought to feel some sort of gratitude. Again, she'd never say it out loud. But that assumption is the only thing that makes some of the things she's said to me make any sense at all.
I think this sort of reasoning is also at work in your sister-in-law's note. "Of course," she says "I want to extend tolerance to you and don't want to see you barred from seeing your partner in the hospital. I'm not a cruel person. I know you. I like you. I can believe that you can't help yourself. I can see that you are an otherwise decent person. See, I'm reaching out to you, despite your perversion. Surely you can understand that, having been so liberal and generous, I don't want my children exposed to your perversion. They, after all, are probably going to be normal (thank God!). And since they are normal, I don't want to normalize perversion for them. Obviously I'm not saying you can't appear in public. But public validation of perversion--field-trips to gay weddings--you can see that goes too far, can't you?"
This is a battle for control over the normal. If they rescind the stigma of queer sex, they admit that these rules and regulations are all constructs, that they are floating in a world where we make up morality as we go. Living with that insecurity is more than they can handle. Hell, at times, it's been more than I can handle. Sure, you're right that in many ways their proclivity for divorce make a mockery out of any notion of the sanctity of marriage. But for them, they are loosening the form, not profaning it. It's all about where you draw your comfort line.
But the battle for the normal cuts both ways. Tonight, one of my students, who was in a section of political theory I TA'd last spring and who is now enrolled in my Arab-Israeli course came up to talk to me after class. He told me that he came out last spring and that one of his motivators was the fact that he could see me in class everyday. He realized that he could still be a normal, everyday sort of guy and be gay. Seeing me be open and honest about who I was made a difference in his life.
Knowing that I helped someone else, I know that my suffering to become a teacher (and there was a lot of it) is repaid. From here on in, it's cream (get your mind out of the gutter--you know what I mean!!).
Fuck, I love being gay. The wordplay alone might be worth it! And of course, there's the sex. And the love. I can't forget the love.
I know that this election means a lot to you. God forbid that I ever tell anyone to devalue the outcomes of an electoral process. But know that just by being out, just by publicly being yourself, you make a difference. Whatever the outcome of the election, don't give up hope. You may not realize it, but wherever you go, you are carrying it on your shoulders for one more kid to have the guts to come out and live in the light.
That's you, an out queer, living life everyday. You are hope. And hope is a beautiful thing.
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