Slap & Tickle

Notable Quotables

So, I was going through the past issues of the printed version of Slap & Tickle and found these gems. These were some of my favorites. They still make me laugh. I’m thinking if I ever do the “café press” thing and make T-shirts, these are going to be on them… especially the first one!


“Those Jews are about to ride up my ass!”
—Jill P. noting the ‘Jews for Jesus’ van moving up quickly behind her.

“I was definitely the fattest person in France.”
—Scotty M., describing the very thin French

“4:30am is when you are supposed to be getting home from partying, not getting up in the morning.”
—Debbie W. (my former boss) lamenting on how her parents get up too early in the morning.

“Now if they could just make it chocolate flavored we’d all be set.”
—Cav commenting on an article “Hormones in Semen Shown to Make Women Feel Good

“At this point, if my life were to be depicted in a movie, I would have been played by Paul Giamatti.”
—Maia Y., former PhD student and now faculty at another university, describing her “miserable life.”

“She’s a Chinese Asian…”
—Scotty M., describing Margaret Cho.

“You know what my favorite part of erosion is?”
—Che (yes, his name is Che) discussing… well, discussing his favorite part of erosion. My response: “I don’t have a favorite part of erosion, but please tell me what yours is.” To my immediate regret, he told.

“I just changed my underwear… and now I’m exhausted.”
—Pam, celebrating the fun of camping and changing clothes in a tiny tent.

If I had a cool logo to put on the shirt, I'd be printing T-shirts right and left...