Soapbox!

I believe I said before regarding the passing of Prop. 8, that we should continue the Christian Right's mandate of "protecting marriage" by banning divorce. Well, let's sign the petition and get it going:

In Memorium

Eartha Kitt (1927-2008)

Hero Flashback: Fred Rogers

In 1969 PBS was in danger of losing it's $20 million grant from the U.S. government. Fred Rogers went to speak before the Senate Finance Committee... he single-handedly got them the money.

If you're not in tears by the end, you're dead inside*.







*McCandless, this doesn't apply to you as we already know you have a heart of stone.

Spank Bank Friday

Bernardo Velasco... "Yes, please!"

X-mas

Hurray for cheesy Christmas displays, YouTube and cgi!

Christmastime is Here…

…happiness and cheer. Time for what the children call, their favorite time of year.

Well, Christmas is almost here and I’m about to go on vacation for two weeks. So posts will probably be sporadic at best. Why? Because I’m lazy, damnit.

Here’s a little Christmas song for you all:



And here’s something to inspire you to take on all your New Year’s Resolutions:

iYuck

There is a new App for the iPhone called iCycle. No, it has nothing to do with riding a bike... but a woman's menstrual cycle.

No, I'm not kidding.

You can put in your friend's information and it will let you know when they are on their cycle... as my office mate noted, "You do not need that to tell you when I'm on my period." Plus, the damn thing costs ten bucks!

Based on the image above, it's best to steer clear of Christina for a few days...

K-lassy!


This is Dasha Astafieva. She is Hugh Hefner’s newest girlfriend as well as the January 2009 Playmate of the Month and the Playboy 55th Anniversary Playmate. I wonder what she’s selling?

She’s not just giving away the milk, she’s throwing the whole farm at them! What ever happened to being seductive, alluring and enticing? Come to think of it, she probably has no idea what those words mean… in fact, that’s probably what the photographers were yelling out: “Dasha… be seductive… now, be alluring… er, okay… wanna try enticing? Um, how ‘bout pulling your panties back up…?”

Today, they give it all away: Britney’s shaved who-ha, Drew Barrymore flashing her boobs, Paris Hilton downing some guy’s junk… It used to be you imagined what someone looked like naked, now it’s practically forced upon us in all its natural and—almost always—unfortunate glory. When will they understand that sexy and whorish are not one in the same?

Maybe I'm just annoyed that we still have two days until Spank Bank Friday...

My love for Paul continues...

It Gets Lonely in Space

I guess I missed this episode. Something tells me I would have enjoyed it... a lot.

Gentlemen, You May Thank Me with Twenties & Fifties

CNN Health is reporting that “Fellatio May Significantly Decrease the Risk of Breast Cancer in Women”. Merry Christmas!

“But, Honey… I’m only thinking of you and your health…”

Sorry, ladies...

CORRECTION: A bunch of fun-killers have noted that this is a fake news story. Which amuses me even more because I pulled it from the Google News page. Man, was I sucked in by this (no pun intended). Next you're going to tell me that those penis growing pills don't work...

Tell Us About The Taint

Is there anyone original in the media? It’s like they follow each other around repeating the same stuff again and again and again.

On a purely childish aside: every time they say “taint” I giggle…

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Even the Secret Service are Tired of His Shit

The dude manages to get BOTH shoes off and chuck them one at a time… where was the Secret Service detail? Checking their calendars? “Less than 40 days and I’m outta here… hey, is that a shoe? Whoa… is that another one?!”

Doing Time on Spank Bank Friday

In honor of a friend whose son is having--shall we say--a slight disagreement with members of the local law enforcement, I present this special Spank Bank Friday: COPS! edition.

Not sure who any of these guys are, but I wouldn't mind sharring a cell with them... of course, only in a Falcon Video* or Chi Chi Larue Film* sort of way...

I believe this is Britney's first husband.
Keeping up with the Spears, Mr. Alexander?

Every prison needs a bitch.
"You gotta real purdy mouth, boy..."

*I'm not putting links to these... either you know them, or you don't, but I wouldn't recommend you straight guys or gals go looking for them--it could effect you in ways you never thought possible.

Been There, Ate That...

After every Thanksgiving I vow never to eat again. Ever. Then the holiday parties start and I'm stuffing myself, because I'll never eat again (I mean it this time... sort of).

I feel for this dog...

Google Me This, Batman!

I've been fascinated with the Google search feature that seems to anticipate my searches. I'm usually needing the information in a hurry--as I'm a procrastinator--so I can rarely stop and check out the other search ideas Google comes up with.

Well, a fine young man at YesButNoButYes did some research on this and found some hysterical results. I did a check to see if this was a bit of Photoshop manipulation... sure enough, it's pretty much right on.

Go on and try it. Type in...

...my ass


...my girlfriend...

...my boyfriend...

...my crotch...

seriously... If you need to search that, call a doctor.


...my cat...

I like the 7th one down... does that happen a lot?



...my dog...

I think the bottom two should be reversed...


...my fart...

LOVE the second one... and the last? Duh?

...my hand...

"My hands are bananas"? Really? Someone's done a search on that?
I looked at this again... all credit for this goes to Baierman at YesButNoButYes. I don't want to take credit for his comedic efforts. However, for the record, I did do my own searches for the images and the comments at the bottom are mine...

Airbag Rhapsody


I never knew this could happen...



I can't imagine how many times I've put myself on the very edge of this happening. My voice sucks, so I always turn up the music so loud I can't hear myself "singing." This explains why I'm almost deaf... and that my airbags have probably been stolen.

"My Wife Would Love One"



I'll bet...

Been There, Done That...

A Smattering of Spank Bank Friday

Every now and again, I stumble across a picture that makes me go all googily inside. Here are some of my recent googilies.

Let's begin with Andy Cohen, Senior V.P. at the gayest network EVER BRAVO. He hosted the season finale of one of their gayest shows EVER Flipping Out. He's adorable, has a great voice... and slightly crossed eyes. Andy is one of those guys I call "imperfect perfection": the mere fact that he has flaws makes him perfect. This is not one of his best pics, but it's one of the best quality. He's got a "really hot, but still an every guy" quality that gets the googilies googling.*

Next up we have Chris Russell who makes what I call "very, very specialized documentaries"... um, kind of a biological study of men. This is one of the rare shots of Mr. Russell with his tighty-whities on.

Jed Hill. He's pretty.

Jeffrey Beck. He's pretty... and naked.

Mauricio Camacho. I would just like the thank God for giving me eyes...**

*Not to be confused with Googling, which is a whole different kettle of fish...

**And all the members of the Academy who voted for me.

Drink up, Bitches!

Today is the 75th anniversary of the 21st Amendment to the Constitution, also known as the repeal of prohibition! So drink up, America! It’s your constitutional right.

Awkward!

I love Santa on the right... "just don't look at 'em... keep looking away and they won't notice you..."

Cat in Bucket

Funny in theory... dull as dirt in reality:

V-V-Videos

For a brief moment, I thought this was real:



Prop. 8: The Musical!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Upside uʍop


¿ʇɥƃıɹ lǝǝɟ ʇ,uop ʇsnɾ sƃuıɥʇ uǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝsoɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ǝʌɐɥ ɹǝʌǝ