Slap & Tickle

“Dye Pack©”
So, Scooter and I were talking about guys the other day, (and this is unique because…?) andwe were trying to find a word to describe when we first see an amazing looking guy. I used to call them“my pants just got real tight guys” (subtle, no?) But it’s not always appropriate… especially if the guy is standing within ear-shot. We wanted something along the line of “anyways…” which is gay-code for “Ooh, look at him!”*

After careful thought and much test marketing** we came up with “dye-pack©.” (We got the idea from when we both used to work in banks and secretly wished to get robbed so we could put those cool dye-packs along with the money in the bag*** that would explode an unwashable ink to ruin the money and thwart the criminals.)****

So, whenever you see a handsome young man walk by you can look at your friend, smile and say, “dye-pack.” Ladies, you can use it too! I’m afraid I have to draw the line at straight-boys using it. You go and find your own way to express yourself (I’ve been in enough locker rooms***** to know you guys already have eight billion ways to describe anything and everything sexual).

So, go forth my reader(s) and use it at will.

*Often used when Mr. Right walks by and you’re gossiping about someone: “…and she was all up in my grill and I was like, “Look, be-yatch, don’t you be messin’ wit my man…” [Hottie McHotterstein walks by] “…anyway.” See? Brilliant! However, it got so overused that it’s lost it’s meaning.

**there was no test marketing, but you knew that, right? Of course, right.

*** You know the kind, the one with the giant dollar signs on the side.

****1) neither of us really wished to be robbed (because we’d pee in our pants), 2) neither bank used those cool dye-packs, and 3) I would never use the word “thwart,” but Scooter would.

*****not in a good way.

For those of you who are wondering... his name is Josh Wald--and he's a total dye-pack!