All Hail The Republicrats!



I found this at Yes But No But Yes.

God Love Sarah Silverman...

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Curious about how Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric went? Click HERE or HERE...

Spank Bank Friday: Bank on It











Dolce & Gabbana is running a new campaign using Italian Rugby players. Let me repeat that: ITALIAN RUGBY PLAYERS. Holy moly, these guys are H-O-O-T-T-T!!!

Remember, you are supposed to bank these pictures... show some restraint and don't go whipping it out at work. However, there is a delicious video of these guys playing grab-ass in the locker room. I suggest you wait until you are alone at home... and have some Kleenex ready.

Special thanks to Scotty for sending me the link!

Disbelief of Suspension

"You don't suspend your campaign. This doesn't smell right. This isn't the way a tested hero behaves. I think someone's putting something in his Metamucil. He can't run the campaign because the economy is cratering? Fine, put in your second string quarterback, Sara Palin. Where is she? What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president? We've got a guy like that now!"
-- David Letterman, talking about John McCain
From Deus Ex Malcontent

UPDATE: Cancelling on Letterman is a bad idea... I'm sure McCain is regretting that after last night's show.

Do the right thing.

Bad Kitty

If you've ever had a cat, you know this is true.

Bad Pussy

BTW: The "S&T Certified Five-Star Funny" is your guarantee that the following is funny... or your money back. With S&T, you get your money's worth.

Creamy Goodness...

I stole this from Southern Expressions, who stole it from the The Greedy Maelstrom:

I know these things are strictly about ego and no one really cares, but I’m bored and I want to post something—either read it or don’t, no worries for me.

1. How do you like your eggs?
I love me some eggs! I usually make scrambled because I’ve either fucked up over easy or fucked up an omelet. However, I do enjoy Eggs Benedict, but that’s mostly about the Hollandaise Sauce. I love it if my eggs have something in them: bacon, cheese, anything that will harden the arteries more.

2. How do you take your coffee/tea?
Coffee: cream and sugar… LOTS of cream. Friends mock me for my love of cream (that bit works on several levels…)
Tea: Hot or Iced I loathe it.

3. Favorite breakfast food:
Cap’n Crunch. Seriously, it’s good. My mom used to make Egg-in-a-Cup for me as a kid. Because I followed her around the house all the time when I was little (she called me “my shadow”). So, she made a soft-boiled egg, cut up toast, and mixed it in a coffee cup. I’d wander around, eating my breakfast following her in her morning chores… I’d say Egg-in-a-Cup, but I don’t ever make it for myself.

4. Peanut butter:
Depends. Mostly creamy (there’s that word again), but sometimes, I like the nuts… (seriously, that was not intentional…) Nuts in my mouth are great (okay, I worked that… still not great, but I’m keeping it. See? I’m making it a challenge for you to complete this.

5. What kind of dressing on your salad?
Good Seasons Italian—homemade. I play with the recipe though: I add some Tabasco, basalmic vinegar, and Hawaiian Honey Mustard—the salt and the sweet, baby. If I’m out, I get The Continental (Italian and Blue Cheese—again, creamy good!)


6. Coke or Pepsi?
I find the whole Cola war thing ridiculous… however, I prefer Coke.

7. You’re feeling lazy. What do you make?
I’m always lazy… if I’m really feeling lazy, I’ll just go out and pick something up at a drive-thru.

8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order?
Hawaiian—Canadian Bacon and Pineapple. How the hell is that Hawaiian? The pineapple I get, but the Canadian Bacon? I have a friend that thinks hot pineapple is horrible—but I love cooked pineapple! The tartness goes away and all the sugars come out… (I’m salivating.)

9. You feel like cooking. What do you make?
Casseroles. If I’m cooking, I’m cooking for the week, so it had better be something I can shove in Tupperware™ and take to work.

10. Do any foods bring back good memories?
Egg-in-a-Cup and La Villa raviolis… dear God, they are good.


11. Do any foods bring back bad memories?
Lima beans. My sister’s favorite food. I could never eat them. I remember putting them under my seat cushion at dinner because I didn’t want to eat them.

12. Do any foods remind you of someone?
Hors d’oeuvres –my mom makes the most wonderful Hors d’oeuvres and whenever I have to make some for a party, I think of her (and all the friggin’ work it takes to make them).

13. Is there a food you refuse to eat?
Just about every kind of fish. Exceptions: Shrimp/Prawns, cracked crab. That’s it. I can smother them in cocktail sauce and not worry too much. If it has a fishy smell, I’ll leave the room.

14. What was your favorite food as a child?
Egg-in-a-Cup and La Villa raviolis.

15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now like?
Cauliflower and cooked carrots. Hated both of them as a kid, but now they’re great.

16. Is there a food that you liked as a child but now hate?
Do I look like I hate food? Well, besides fish—fish is healthy, and I don’t do healthy.

17. Favorite fruit and vegetable:
Avocado… is that a fruit or a vegetable? I love bananas (hey…!), tomatoes and peppers. I want to eat oranges and buy them often, but forget about them. However, every time I eat one I think, “This is great! I should eat more of these!” I can ONLY eat apples while walking around… don’t know why. Don’t really care…

18. Favorite junk food?
All. Of. It. The trashier, the better. Cheese in a can on Ritz Crackers—that’s some good eating. My Hors d’oeuvre making mother would kill me if she knew… Plus, any kind of Fast Food is fine with me. I used to LOVE Jack-in-the-Box before the salmonella scare a few years ago—their burgers were really juicy. Now they are cooked to death… but I still eat ‘em.

19. Favorite between meal snack?
There’s a between meals? I just graze all day long…

20. Do you have any weird food habits?
Raisins in cookies. I find that cheating. I think I’m about to get a delicious chocolate chip and someone snuck in a f’ing raisin? Ah, hell no!

I also tend to eat way too fast. I think it’s because I was the youngest and least able to defend my food from my mom, who waited to eat dinner with my dad. “You’re not eating your peas!” and her fork would descend upon my plate. But if I just gobbled it all up, she couldn’t get at it.

21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on?
Water, mostly. I try not to fill when I’m really working on it.

22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like?
Everything. Mexican pretty much rules. If I’m on a diet and someone mentions El Burro—diet is officially over. Sorry, not going to “be good”, I’m gonna feast!


23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai?
Not too spicy. Not a huge Thai fan. I have friends that used to always drag me to some Thai place—I love the peanut sauce, but that’s about it.

24. Can I get you a drink?
Yes… and be quick about it. Girl Drink Drunk, here. I love a Cosmo (I make Chris-mos) and a Vanilla White Russian is pretty amazing…

25. Red or White wine?
Red. I prefer a Merlot, but I’ll drink a Pinot Noir. Certain Zinfandels are amazing—the Seven Deadly Zins is SO amazing… I’m salivating, again.


26. Favorite dessert?
As a pastry chef (well, a culinary school graduate with an emphasis on baking and pastry) I should say something really amazing… but a bowl of ice cream with Hershey’s syrup will do nicely. Simple tastes for a simple mind…

27. The perfect nightcap?
Bailey’s Irish Cream. Again with the cream…

Sometimes You Can’t Go Home Again

As a kid, I used to love this cartoon called Milton The Monster. It had a great opening theme song and I loved Milton (probably because he was so gay). I would mention my fondness of this show to friends only to have them look at me suspiciously and accuse me of lying and that I made it all up. I’d plea that it was true, but they wouldn’t listen. Did I ever mention that some of my friends can be real assholes?

Thinking about Milton as I am want to do—I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands—I did a yahoo search and found the opening credits and a full episode! After watching the episode, I realized that like all 70’s cartoons, it seriously sucked. I’m now thinking of denying I’ve ever heard of it…

No, I'm Not Shocked

File this under "And...?"

Who's next? Liberace? Do these things come in threes? Should Tom Cruise be shitting bricks right now?

I love what Chez has to say about this at Deus Ex Malcontent: "In other news, Djimon Honsou reveals that he's black, Dane Cook says he's a talentless douchebag, and Michael Jackson has confirmed that he wants to have sex with Clay Aiken."

Who's the Elitist?

Completely borrowed without permission from Joe.My.God.

Car Wash

Freakin' Adorable

Spank Bank Friday

His name is Jed Hill... well, that's pretty much all I know. don't stare too deeply into those eyes, you could get lost in there.

Paging Chesty McChesterson...
Holy...!
Criminy! Would you LOOK at those Abs!

Manly

What an awesome commercial! Too bad they didn't sell this in the U.S. I would have killed to see this commercial as a kid:



Charles Bronson—they couldn’t find anyone more badass. Drinking in a cool bar, tolerating the doorman, excessively speeding home after drinking in the cool bar and then pouring a shitload of this stuff all over himself—all of it is the epitome of 1970’s cool.

Except, of course, for the swimming in that crap. You know that stuff was on the ‘reek level’ of Hai Karate. Can you imagine drowning your skin in this stuff…? God, he must have stunk to Hai Heaven. Seriously, he didn’t just put some on, he kept dumping more and more of it—on his back, no less—and then rubbed it into his skin! Did he die of skin cancer? If not, I’m sure it would have gotten him eventually.

Makes you wonder what the heck is going to happen to all those schmucks slathering on AXE Body Lotion, which can be seen here:



Did they even have to write a new ad for AXE, or did they just watch this just before filming?

Am I Being Paranoid...?

When the Large Hadron Collider went live on September 10, some predicted the world was going to end. This week, the financial markets around the world are starting to collapse... coincidence?

I'm not saying, I'm just sayin'...

47 Seconds Longer Than I Would Have Thought...

I could survive for 47 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

How long would you last against a velociraptor while chained to a bunk bed?

TRUE

Scotty sent this to me from Craigslist. All true:

Double-standards gets Idiot's Elected in America.

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a 'token hire.'

If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a 'game changer.'

Black teen pregnancies? A 'crisis' in black America .

White teen pregnancies? A 'blessed event.'

If you grow up in Hawaii you're 'exotic.'

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential 'American story.'

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're 'unpatriotic.'

Name your kid Track, you're 'colorful.'

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're 'reckless.' A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a 'maverick.'

If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African American voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor,then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.

If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an 'arrogant celebrity'. If you are a popular republican female candidate you are 'energizing the base'.

If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are 'presumptuous'. if you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a 'shoot from the hip' maverick.

If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are 'an elitist 'out of touch' with the real America .

If you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis, graduating fifth from the bottom of your class, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an 'empty suit'. If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an 'experienced executive'.

If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are 'extremist'.

If you believe in creationism and don't believe global warming is man made, you are 'strongly principled'.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years with whom you are raising 2 beautiful daughters you're 'risky'.

If you're a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child, but if you're a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you're spunky.

If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you 'First dog.'

If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you 'beautiful' and 'courageous.'

If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.

If you have an abortion you're not a christian, you're a murderer ( forget about if it happen while being date raped)

If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.

If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

Eat Healthy

I'm Chris and I approve this message:

Just a public service message from me to you on healthy eating... Yum.

Enjoy This Non-Political Message

I’ve been ranting a bit lately about Obama/Bush… I mean, McCain and I feel I’m neglecting The Funny. If only someone could come up with some funny bit to distract us all…

What’s this conveniently posted video?




Thank you Seth McFarland!

Ah, Politics

Le Mizbarack

You know I'm going to have to post this again on 11/3, right? Well done, my friends, well done. As always, thanks goes to Joe My God for pointing this out.



Palin Perfected

Tina Fey did a brilliant job of her portrayal of Sarah Palin on Saturday's SNL. It's a must-see:

Colonel Tigh For President?

For those of you who are big fans of BSG, read this blog post and think if you really want McCain for president.

The Ship That Made The Kessel Run In Less Than Twelve Parsecs

The Millennium Falcon is complete! I stopped counting after 20 hours, but it didn't take as long as I'd expected.

Lego decided to mess with me by leaving out 14 pages of the instruction manual and a total of nince pieces. I had to go to the Lego store today and get them (they were going to charge me $8! One small tantrum later and they were free).

A special thanks to Adam who bought this for my birthday. It was a very generous gift and I'm grateful to have received it.

Below are a few selected pics. If you're a glutton for punishment, you can find more on my flickr page.

fini!
The gang says "hi"
detail interior framework

Starting frame... 15 minutes in (I was practically giddy at this moment)
Side detail
"Don't get cocky, kid"
landing gear
I giggled like a school girl when I saw it taking form

guns
No Comcast for Han, he uses the Dish Network!
front wing detail
rear engine and gun detail
exhaust portholes (I think... is there exhaust in space?)

McCain Gets OBama-Rolled!

I've been over the Rick-rolled thing for a while now... but here's a fresh take--with some clever editing--that has won me over.

Once you go Barak, ain't no going back!

Spank Bank Friday

Huddle up!



Have a great weekend! Play with some balls...

Freaking Riot!

DEFINITELY NSFW... but it's the best trailer I've seen in a long time. Not sure how it will be as a movie, but it looks hysterical.

What Have I Started?


Today, I made the critical error of opening and starting to assemble my Millenium Falcon Star Wars Lego set. While, for most, this is fun--for me, it's an exercise in futility.

After four hours of work, here's what I've put together so far:*


Here are the over 5000 pieces of the set out on my dining room table (and an additional card table):

Note the Limoncello elegantly bagged on the buffet in the back

Actually, the reason it has taken me so long to get anything done is that I had to sort out all 5000 pieces. Here they are all laid out and waiting for me to assemble:

But not tonight... I'm going to bed. I'll keep you kids updated.

BTW: Yes, I'm a geek. Yes, I'm a child playing with a very expensive toy. But I'm owing it. Besides, it's a freakin' Millenium Falcon! And it's LEGO!!! It's AWESOME!

UPDATE: Well, I'm almost finished... (I stopped counting how long it took after 20 hours) but the set is missing six critical pieces!  I've put an order in to their Missing Parts Dept., but until I get the pieces the Millennium Falcon will remain unfinished... [sniff]




*For the record, that's Luke, Han, Obi-Wan, Lea, and Chewbacca (seated).

RIP Don LaFontaine

Delicious

It just gets better and better. I know it's too good to be true. I know she will drop out, but right now--at THIS moment--I am VERY happy to watch the Republicans implode with the choice of Palin. Even a top McCain aide can't defend this choice:



Being head of the Alaskan National Guard which was deployed to Iraq gives her international experience? Really?

I Smell A Rat


Why does Sarah hate America? Here she is supporting an Alaskan secessionist group.




I suspect this is all part of the plan. The Republicans can not be so stupid as to put up someone that has not been properly vetted. No one wants a surprise abortion or DUI or other nonsense to come out during the campaign. They go over these guys with a fine tooth comb.

Here’s what I’m thinking: They put up a WOMAN that they KNOW will have to drop out, but they get the CREDIT for putting her up. They did what Hillary’s supporters wanted Barak to do. Now, McCain can put up Romney and it’s not “just a bunch of old, rich, white guys” but it’s about having someone who is squeaky clean.

Now there are reports that McCain is NOW going to vet her. Really? Do they think we’re that dumb? Well, we elected Bush twice and we went to war for no f’ing reason—sure, why not?

Spaghetti Cat

I love The Soup on E! . Host Joel McHale’s pointing out the absurdities of celebrities and the media that covers them makes me laugh as much as The Daily Show’s pointing out the absurdities of politicians and the media that covers them.

Here is FOX News' Spaghetti Cat… however, it’s the bit that Joel does in the second clip that had me howling.

Melissa Etheridge & Me

On the 28th, my friend Jill took me to the Melissa Etheridge concert at The Paramount Theater in Oakland. We had a wonderful time. I would tell you about it, but I think Jill tells it best. She sent out a little story on the night... my pics are below.

Melissa
Melissa Jamming with Philip Sayce
Melissa rocking the house
Philip Sayce going wild on his guitar (he's an amazing player)

Jill's Story:

The Pick

I took Chris to see Melissa Etheridge last night at the Paramount in Oakland (for his birthday for the next 3 years -- the seats you get from her fan club are the best, but they come at a hefty price). He told me he'd love to go, he enjoys her, but wouldn't necessarily think to make an effort to see her.

He asked me as we are walking down the aisle of the theater where the seats were, adding, "I hope they aren't right in the front, I don't know if I am a 'right in the front' kind of guy."

We were directed into the front row, actually, the front row of "the pit" where there are only two feet separating us from the stage and nobody in front of us but Melissa and her amazing band. It took him only a couple of minutes to get on the phone to Scotty to tell him where he was sitting.

Fast forward, the show has started and he is totally getting into it, clapping, taking pictures with his new iPhone, standing up and doing a little back and forthing with his feet -- having a good old time.

There comes a time in all her concerts where security allows people to get up and stand against the edge of the stage. When it starts to happen, I figure, what the hell, let's do it, so I stood up, turned to Chris and said, "Get up, it's your duty to represent the front row & the few men in this audience! (or something like that)."

About 30 minutes later the show came to an end and she went through the thank you, thank you, thank yous & the handing off of the coveted guitar pick. She gave the pick to a guy who had been sitting directly in front of her for the entire show having a crazy good time. He was thrilled.

They came back for the requisite rock -n- roll encore and she did a rousing rendition of Piece of My Heart.

At the end of the song, she slide her guitar onto her back, walked directly to Chris, and handed him her guitar pick, shook the hands of the rest of us along the stage and exited stage left. There were 35 women (some of which had been yelling "I love you Melissa!" all night) and maybe 4 guys along the edge of the stage, and she chose him!

He was giddy, grinning from ear to ear, and babbling something about feeling totally thrilled to have come with me. Then he turned to me and said, "Here, you should have this" and gave me the pick. All together now, A-A-A-h-h-h-h-h-h.

He then whipped out his phone to call Scotty again, and like a 15-year-old girl who had just seen the Beatles live, blathered on about what had just happen. He pretty much collected himself before we left the theater, but there was clear hesitation in his step as he caught glimpse of the tour bus parked in the street next to our parking garage.

He was hilarious.

I guess Chris is a "right in the front kind of guy" after all. Who knew?

Who knew, indeed! It was pretty awesome. I just wish Melissa would stop calling me to 'hang out'...

Nice Parenting, Palin

I guess you can't have it all: Sarah Palin's unwed 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. Apparently, she is "delighted" at the news, as all mothers of unwed 17 year-old pregnant daughters are. Well, being governor and working so hard for the State of Alaska must have taken so much time out of the time she ordinarily would have been parenting her child. One can only imagine the results if she becomes Vice-President.

Remember what happened to Jenna Bush? First, she was a drunk who was almost arrested (just like daddy) and then she married a REPUBLICAN. The horror! Oh, wait... I'm sure her parents liked that. Still, it's pretty disturbing that she's going to breed. Do we need any more Bushes? No. Am I way off topic? Yes.

I say it here and now: Vote for Obama, if only for the sake of Palin's family. Besides, as The Daily Show so brilliantly points out to us: He Completes Us.