Olympic Countdown: Three Days to Go!

Three days left until sexy, sweaty men start throwing each other around. Today's sport: Judo.


Who doesn't love a sport where cute guys run around in their bathrobe?


Trying to figure out the rules here... is the object to remove his clothes?
Why haven't I been watching this?

This sport just keeps getting better and better!

Seriously... why haven't I been watching this?

Um... this does not look good.
Talk about your "agony of defeat".

I'd like to feel his victory... if you know what I mean...

Are You F-ing Kidding Me?

I saw this on dlisted this morning:

I think Michael K put it best when he wrote, "Imagine sitting through 15 hours of Justin Timberlake. There isn't enough booze and drugs on the planet to get you through that."

I was hoping they'd bring back Jon Stewart. They always blame the host for the poor ratings. It's the host that gets us through the crap that is "The Oscars." Face it, there's no substance to The Oscars--it's all frivolous.* The ratings for The Oscars are tied directly into what is nominated. The ratings peaked the year Titanic was nominated. As much as I loved Brideshead Revisited, if it gets the most nominations this year it will tank.

If they’re going to go for crappy, why not have Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears host? Talk about the Train-wreck Trifecta! I want to see those nut-jobs derail in the most public way possible.

*I love The Oscars, but when people are being massacred in Darfur and soldiers dying in Iraq and Bush is still devising ways to end life on this planet as we know it, I really couldn't care less what Cate Blanchet is wearing...**

**…wait, she's wearing Dolce and Gabana? FABulous! Get that f'ing starving kid off my TV and turn on E!.

Olympic Countdown: Four Days

With four short days until the Beijing Olympics, the excitement it palpable as the world readies to place their best athletes against each other in the human drama of athletic competition, to witness the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat!* But most importantly, it's the chance to scope out some hot, athletic meat!

As we draw closer to The Olympics, each day I will submit for your approval, a little bit of eye candy.

Today's candy (courtesy of the fine folks at NBC) are showing off the abs of several players of the United States Olympic Swim Team.

I'll leave it to you to figure out which swimmer is which... if that matters to you.

*"Borrowed" from ABC's Wide World of Sports... is that even on anymore? Loved that show... never would have thought of watching bowling on television without that. Still don't think about it, but back then it was on and I didn't feel like getting up and changing the channel.

Mondays (Blech)


I read this first thing today… what a crappy way to start a Monday. Get the word out people…!

Spank Bank Friday

His name is Reynaldo Gianecchini... and he is beautiful. He was raised in Brazil, Italian father who gave him some magnificent genes. He's currently in the hospital with an alergic reaction to penicilin. I would like to volunteer to give him a sponge bath...

Sigh... those eyes...

If you're happy and you know it...

Seriously lost in his eyes...

Such a happy boy.

Goofy look... still adorable

Work that porn 'stache!

Don't be shy, just sit back and relax... seriously, LEAN BACK

Someone move that damn towel!

Reminder: The Olympics begin one week from today...!

Stand Up



Take a stand.

Marvel-ous

Marvel has a wonderful (kids) page on their website to create your own superhero character. Here is mine, I call him Chef Mayhem:



Naturally, I couldn’t restrain myself, and had to try for something a little more FABulous: Create your own superhero by clicking HERE.

Harder Better Faster

With Eight days to go until The Olympic Games begin, I feel the need to see some athleticism of a different nature (no, not that kind of athleticism). Enjoy…

iHappy

It's awesome.

Not Cuil

So, I heard about this fantastic new search engine that was supposed to kill Google called cuil (sounds like “cool”). I decided to search for myself (‘cuz it’s fun) and found that cuil had no mention of me. I decided to go a little more specific with “Chris Lion Slap & Tickle”… still nothing!

Feeling a little low I decided I was in need of a boost, so I googled myself and I was number 1 and number 3 search on Google.

What did I learn from this little test—besides the fact that I have a fragile ego and I enjoy searching myself on the web? That only a fuil thinks cuil is cool and that ain't cuil.*




* Wait... that was supposed to be funny... sorry about that. Funny stuff will be posted shortly.

Spank Bank Friday


Jeremy Bloom



Apparently, he plays with a football...

Sad Passing...

Randy Pausch passed away today at the age of 47 of pancreatic cancer. His Last Lecture received a great deal of attention after it was posted on YouTube, leading to a book deal. I first wrote about him almost a year ago. He leaves behind a wife and three small children. His Time Management Seminar is brilliant.

Mmmm... Brains!

I saw this over at You Can See The Strings! blog:

50%

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

I just want you all to know that if any of you become a zombie, I won’t hesitate to shoot you in the head—I’m sure you’d do the same for me, but please don’t bother. I gotta feed and most of my friends are pretty smart, so I can only assume their brains would be mighty tasty! Which begs the question, does eating brains make you smarter? Can you ‘taste’ the knowledge? “Mmmm… Pythagorean Theorem —delish!

Anyhow, take the test and see how you’d survive a zombie apocalypse. Anyone over 50% should call me so we can work out a strategy.

Carol Cooper is One Crazy Lady!

Shhhh! Don't tell Carol!

I was checking my email today and I noticed a strange response to a post I made in 2006(!) about Anderson Cooper being gay. Well, this woman--Carol Cooper (no relation that I know of to Anderson)--took umbrage at my calling Anderson Gay. She came up with some rather compelling and stereotypical arguments for why Anderson could not be gay.

Feel free to read the initial post and my response to dear, sweet, deluded Carol. Carol, I think you should meet this lady or this lady and they might set you (ahem) "straight..."

What a Wascally Wabbit!

I’m off for a few days to celebrate my birthday… yes, there’s still time to get me something. No need to feel embarrassed, people often forget that it’s “Chruly”.* Feel free to celebrate all month!

In the meantime, enjoy this:


Have a great weekend!


My only two choices seemed to be “Chruly” or “Jis” and “Jis” was a tad to close to jizz…

All For Four

For any of you in the summer doldrums, here's something to make you smile:

Weekend Fun

I loved Designing Women back in the 80’s. Yes, it’s a gay thing, I’m sure. But it was very funny and the best part of any episode was when Julia went on a rant. More eloquent than humanly possible without a hefty staff or writers, she said the things that needed to be said and put assholes firmly in place. All while never uttering a single offensive word… such as “assholes.”

With thanks to YouTube, here are a few of my favorite bits.

Favorite. Rant. Ever.


Loved Bernice


“These things are POWER!”

Spank Bank Friday

With the 29th Olympiad of the Modern Era less than a month away, I thought I'd post something more in the Olympic ideal of what goes into the spank bank. I present to you, two Olympic swimmers for the United States (Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte)...


...and Paul Bester, a rugby player from South Africa. I think I will be "going for gold" in the Olympic Spanking Competition

Redneck Wedding

You can’t get much more redneck than this: Bubba and Pam got “hitched” in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Georgia—apparently, they both work there. Bubba had to work the morning shift…



I love the video… trash all the way through. “Tia: Maney” the brilliant creator of this awesome video suffers a bit from ADD—hardly any picture lasts more than a second before “artistically” fading into another pic. As you can see from the end credits of the video screen shot, “Tia: Maney” also doesn’t understand how to change a font size and/or completely lacks an understanding of aesthetics. I hear Britney has signed Tia to direct her next video...

Useless Remake

I saw there was a remake coming of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I loved the original, but with a good director, a really great film could be made of that today. And then I saw who was in it:

Acting Genius

It's gonna suck out loud.

New Find: Failblog

I recently found this hysterical blog called Failblog, which celebrates colossal stupidity. The posts include newspaper clippings, incidents, signs, videos, ironic moments and general stupidity that can simply be classified as FAILURE. Enjoy.

Jon Benet’s Parents Cleared of Murder Charges

Well, that only took 12 years…

Yoda is Dead

Imagine my surprise today when I was looking at Google News and noticed the headline: UN: One peacekeeper killed and 19 wounded in Darfur attack. Next to it is a picture of Yoda! It's obvious that Yoda would work with the UN--the Jedis were a peacekeeping force--but I didn't even know he was in Darfur... you'd think with the Jedis there, things would be going better. And why the Hell aren't they in Afghanistan or Iraq? Lazy Jedis...

I just hope that Obi-Wan Kenobi and his young padawan are out of harm's way...

White Boy Gangsta Rap

This guy is pretty funny:



His name is Bo Burnham and he has a number of comedic videos on YouTube. He’s freakin’ 17 years old! Damn over-achieving kids…

Holy Creepy Crap!

You can say whatever you like about gays being pervs… but only straight guys can come up with this freakyness: Teddy Babes, “For guys too BIG for Teddy Bears”. Biz-fucking-zarre!

What, exactly, were these straight guys doing with their Teddy Bears? My Teddy and I snuggled. These guys apparently did the nasty with theirs. Is this why they don’t want gays in the military: once we see what’s really going on, we’re going to tell everyone how freakin’ perverted you are!

Genius!

Mandalorian Dance
by PatrickBoivin

Dear God...!

Holy crap this is freaky!



Her name is "Busty Hearts" (I am NOT shitting you) and she has a YouTube account where she breaks more things with her breasteses. Enjoy.

Damage Control


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

I Knew It! Bush IS A Terrorist!

How will FOX “News” report this:

From Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish.

Never Again...

I made a wedding cake for a friend this past week... I will never do that again. What a nightmare! Nothing but stress and problems. Who knew a grown man could cry so much?

Other pictures are posted on my Flickr page (the link is to your right).

Spank Bank Friday

I'm off tomorrow, so I'm posting this a bit early. I don't want you kids to go without for the weekend. His name is Evandro Soldati... I call him "Smokin'!"

Nice Pec!

Pull those pants down a skoatch more...

Nice Package

Rest Peacefully, George Carlin

image copyright New York Times

Comic George Carlin passed away this weekend at the age of 71. I think he was one of those few comics that appealed to both parents and their teenagers in the 70’s. His obituary is here.

Below is part of his classic bit on “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television.” The first time I heard it I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants.

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7 Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7—don't you?—that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. "Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits" Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cocksucker and Motherfucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer."

It's like an assault on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinckle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accidental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said, "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie clichés we grew up with. "Okay, Sherriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow."

I’m Voting Republican

They make a good point:



From the fun folks at Synthetic Human Pictures. (Check out Tip Jar, it’s pretty funny… and accurate.)


For those of you who don’t give a damn about politics—and therefore want us all to die—here are two videos from The Onion News Network that are pretty damn funny.


Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children�s Healthcare



High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Can't Wait...

Word.


I couldn't say it better myself. Reasons to Outlaw Gay Marriage, by Guy Dads (an adorable couple who describe themselves as "Two gay fathers meet and fall in love. Married in a Jewish wedding ceremony on June 19, 2005". Good fathers. Good people. Good read.

Do You Know Where You Were…

…when the first gay folks got married?

Today, June 16, 2008 at 5:01pm, The Gays will be able to get legally married in the State of California. There will be flowers. There will be tears. There will be happiness and joy of a previously unimaginative intensity. It has been a long time coming.

Like the gentrification of old neighborhoods, The Gays will come in and wrestle marriage from its staid trappings and make it wonderful and fabulous again. Like the fashion industry, The Gays will set a new standard in style and behavior for weddings. We will pull it up from its depressed state and make The Hets realize that Star Trek Weddings and Fat-Elvis Impersonators should be banished forever.

Once marriages are “fixed” we can move to the next step to show The Hets how things are done: Divorce.

“Scandalous divorces” happen all the time for The Hets. Right now, there’s some woman on YouTube babbling about her husband’s porn and Viagra. It’s all the rage. People are constantly talking about it. Really. They are. The question is… why?

After decades of watching Dynasty and the soaps, we understand drama. We understand shocking. We understand scandal.

And we do it so much better!

Just think of the fantastic divorces! The information flying out from each camp. The dirt. The fantastic dirt! You can practically smell it! “He told me to call him ‘my little piss pig’” or “After fisting him…”

Information will flow like the Bush White House on a witch hunt. Nothing will be sacred, including weddings. Considering the way weddings have been handled up to now will be no different today than yesterday. Fixed up or not, we will be equal… as we should be.

Size Matters

According to this dude, size really does matter, but not in the way one would think. According to his “studies”, the ideal length of a penis is 6 ¼ and 6 ½ inches, with the girth between 7 ¼ and 8 ¼ inches. He has a number of theories on penises—a hobby I can easily relate to—which can be found on his website.

I won’t tell you where I am on the chart, but I am pleased to have the nickname “Beer can.” I’m not saying, I’m just sayin’…

Note this is for the ladies to use… The Gay Boys know that there is no such thing as an unenjoyable penis—and there is no such thing as “too big”.

Guys, see where you fall on the chart:

What If…

Someone planned for a different outcome on the Hillary/Barak battle—but I don’t think all this effort should go to waste. Excellent work on the cut & paste work.

Spank Bank Friday

I couldn't decide on a pic, so I selected three for this warm weekend. With the nice weather, we should all try and get outside, find the one that inspires you. Your choices are:

The Pretty Boy*...

...The Jock...

...and The Intellectual.

Alone or all together, they are all very spankable! Have a great weekend!



*Pretty Boy also appears to be kind of douche-y. And, yet, I still like him.

Holy Sh*t!

This is awful. Disgusting, tragic, horrific, nasty, shameful, painful, sad… and a little bit funny. If you’re the sensitive type, I wouldn’t watch. The title of the page is “Jacuzi Poop”, so you pretty much know what’s coming.

Still, I didn’t expect THIS.

The poor girl. She probably thought, only a few more minutes and then I’ll tell them, “Wow, I got out of there just in time.” Instead she gets a lifetime of shame. It’s one thing have something like this happen, it’s another to have it video-tapped.

If I were her, I’d move… to another country. There is just no recovering from this. You are shamed for life. You’re a viral video that everyone will watch (well, everyone that’s watched Two Girls and a Cup).

And that Jacuzzi! Who’d ever want to sit in that again? Jacuzzi’s are pretty nasty to begin with, but I don’t think there is enough bleach in the world to make me feel comfortable enough to climb back in that. I hope that was paid off.

Spank Bank Friday

As an added bonus, a little YouTube action--Cheyenne Jackson backstage at Xanadu.

I saw this at Towleroad... "A terrycloth bathrobe could die of loneliness in this theater!"

Why, God, Why?

Why must Hollywood ruin all our memories? This looks just awful. Awful.



What did they do, take everything that was great in the original and throw it out? Go watch the original—note, I did not write “rent the original”, you should own this film. It’s a masterpiece of writing, directing, and acting.

A Lot Going On Here

Cav sent me this pic, with the subject line "There's a Lot Going On Here."

My, oh my, he is right. There certainly does seem to be a lot going on here. I'm going to guess the very happy young man is "family" (look at those glasses!) and the rather angry gentleman in the back is Secret Service.

If I were the gay guy in this picture, I must admit I would be reacting the same way. Although I would be turned about 90 degrees to my left...