Spank Bank Friday

His name is Reynaldo Gianecchini... and he is beautiful. He was raised in Brazil, Italian father who gave him some magnificent genes. He's currently in the hospital with an alergic reaction to penicilin. I would like to volunteer to give him a sponge bath...

Sigh... those eyes...

If you're happy and you know it...

Seriously lost in his eyes...

Such a happy boy.

Goofy look... still adorable

Work that porn 'stache!

Don't be shy, just sit back and relax... seriously, LEAN BACK

Someone move that damn towel!

Reminder: The Olympics begin one week from today...!

Stand Up



Take a stand.

Marvel-ous

Marvel has a wonderful (kids) page on their website to create your own superhero character. Here is mine, I call him Chef Mayhem:



Naturally, I couldn’t restrain myself, and had to try for something a little more FABulous: Create your own superhero by clicking HERE.

Harder Better Faster

With Eight days to go until The Olympic Games begin, I feel the need to see some athleticism of a different nature (no, not that kind of athleticism). Enjoy…

iHappy

It's awesome.

Not Cuil

So, I heard about this fantastic new search engine that was supposed to kill Google called cuil (sounds like “cool”). I decided to search for myself (‘cuz it’s fun) and found that cuil had no mention of me. I decided to go a little more specific with “Chris Lion Slap & Tickle”… still nothing!

Feeling a little low I decided I was in need of a boost, so I googled myself and I was number 1 and number 3 search on Google.

What did I learn from this little test—besides the fact that I have a fragile ego and I enjoy searching myself on the web? That only a fuil thinks cuil is cool and that ain't cuil.*




* Wait... that was supposed to be funny... sorry about that. Funny stuff will be posted shortly.

Spank Bank Friday


Jeremy Bloom



Apparently, he plays with a football...

Sad Passing...

Randy Pausch passed away today at the age of 47 of pancreatic cancer. His Last Lecture received a great deal of attention after it was posted on YouTube, leading to a book deal. I first wrote about him almost a year ago. He leaves behind a wife and three small children. His Time Management Seminar is brilliant.

Mmmm... Brains!

I saw this over at You Can See The Strings! blog:

50%

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

I just want you all to know that if any of you become a zombie, I won’t hesitate to shoot you in the head—I’m sure you’d do the same for me, but please don’t bother. I gotta feed and most of my friends are pretty smart, so I can only assume their brains would be mighty tasty! Which begs the question, does eating brains make you smarter? Can you ‘taste’ the knowledge? “Mmmm… Pythagorean Theorem —delish!

Anyhow, take the test and see how you’d survive a zombie apocalypse. Anyone over 50% should call me so we can work out a strategy.

Carol Cooper is One Crazy Lady!

Shhhh! Don't tell Carol!

I was checking my email today and I noticed a strange response to a post I made in 2006(!) about Anderson Cooper being gay. Well, this woman--Carol Cooper (no relation that I know of to Anderson)--took umbrage at my calling Anderson Gay. She came up with some rather compelling and stereotypical arguments for why Anderson could not be gay.

Feel free to read the initial post and my response to dear, sweet, deluded Carol. Carol, I think you should meet this lady or this lady and they might set you (ahem) "straight..."

What a Wascally Wabbit!

I’m off for a few days to celebrate my birthday… yes, there’s still time to get me something. No need to feel embarrassed, people often forget that it’s “Chruly”.* Feel free to celebrate all month!

In the meantime, enjoy this:


Have a great weekend!


My only two choices seemed to be “Chruly” or “Jis” and “Jis” was a tad to close to jizz…

All For Four

For any of you in the summer doldrums, here's something to make you smile:

Weekend Fun

I loved Designing Women back in the 80’s. Yes, it’s a gay thing, I’m sure. But it was very funny and the best part of any episode was when Julia went on a rant. More eloquent than humanly possible without a hefty staff or writers, she said the things that needed to be said and put assholes firmly in place. All while never uttering a single offensive word… such as “assholes.”

With thanks to YouTube, here are a few of my favorite bits.

Favorite. Rant. Ever.


Loved Bernice


“These things are POWER!”

Spank Bank Friday

With the 29th Olympiad of the Modern Era less than a month away, I thought I'd post something more in the Olympic ideal of what goes into the spank bank. I present to you, two Olympic swimmers for the United States (Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte)...


...and Paul Bester, a rugby player from South Africa. I think I will be "going for gold" in the Olympic Spanking Competition

Redneck Wedding

You can’t get much more redneck than this: Bubba and Pam got “hitched” in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Georgia—apparently, they both work there. Bubba had to work the morning shift…



I love the video… trash all the way through. “Tia: Maney” the brilliant creator of this awesome video suffers a bit from ADD—hardly any picture lasts more than a second before “artistically” fading into another pic. As you can see from the end credits of the video screen shot, “Tia: Maney” also doesn’t understand how to change a font size and/or completely lacks an understanding of aesthetics. I hear Britney has signed Tia to direct her next video...

Useless Remake

I saw there was a remake coming of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I loved the original, but with a good director, a really great film could be made of that today. And then I saw who was in it:

Acting Genius

It's gonna suck out loud.

New Find: Failblog

I recently found this hysterical blog called Failblog, which celebrates colossal stupidity. The posts include newspaper clippings, incidents, signs, videos, ironic moments and general stupidity that can simply be classified as FAILURE. Enjoy.

Jon Benet’s Parents Cleared of Murder Charges

Well, that only took 12 years…

Yoda is Dead

Imagine my surprise today when I was looking at Google News and noticed the headline: UN: One peacekeeper killed and 19 wounded in Darfur attack. Next to it is a picture of Yoda! It's obvious that Yoda would work with the UN--the Jedis were a peacekeeping force--but I didn't even know he was in Darfur... you'd think with the Jedis there, things would be going better. And why the Hell aren't they in Afghanistan or Iraq? Lazy Jedis...

I just hope that Obi-Wan Kenobi and his young padawan are out of harm's way...

White Boy Gangsta Rap

This guy is pretty funny:



His name is Bo Burnham and he has a number of comedic videos on YouTube. He’s freakin’ 17 years old! Damn over-achieving kids…

Holy Creepy Crap!

You can say whatever you like about gays being pervs… but only straight guys can come up with this freakyness: Teddy Babes, “For guys too BIG for Teddy Bears”. Biz-fucking-zarre!

What, exactly, were these straight guys doing with their Teddy Bears? My Teddy and I snuggled. These guys apparently did the nasty with theirs. Is this why they don’t want gays in the military: once we see what’s really going on, we’re going to tell everyone how freakin’ perverted you are!

Genius!

Mandalorian Dance
by PatrickBoivin

Dear God...!

Holy crap this is freaky!



Her name is "Busty Hearts" (I am NOT shitting you) and she has a YouTube account where she breaks more things with her breasteses. Enjoy.

Damage Control


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

I Knew It! Bush IS A Terrorist!

How will FOX “News” report this:

From Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish.

Never Again...

I made a wedding cake for a friend this past week... I will never do that again. What a nightmare! Nothing but stress and problems. Who knew a grown man could cry so much?

Other pictures are posted on my Flickr page (the link is to your right).

Spank Bank Friday

I'm off tomorrow, so I'm posting this a bit early. I don't want you kids to go without for the weekend. His name is Evandro Soldati... I call him "Smokin'!"

Nice Pec!

Pull those pants down a skoatch more...

Nice Package

Rest Peacefully, George Carlin

image copyright New York Times

Comic George Carlin passed away this weekend at the age of 71. I think he was one of those few comics that appealed to both parents and their teenagers in the 70’s. His obituary is here.

Below is part of his classic bit on “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television.” The first time I heard it I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants.

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7 Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7—don't you?—that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. "Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits" Wow!

...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cocksucker and Motherfucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer."

It's like an assault on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinckle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accidental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said, "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie clichés we grew up with. "Okay, Sherriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow."

I’m Voting Republican

They make a good point:



From the fun folks at Synthetic Human Pictures. (Check out Tip Jar, it’s pretty funny… and accurate.)


For those of you who don’t give a damn about politics—and therefore want us all to die—here are two videos from The Onion News Network that are pretty damn funny.


Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children�s Healthcare



High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

Can't Wait...

Word.


I couldn't say it better myself. Reasons to Outlaw Gay Marriage, by Guy Dads (an adorable couple who describe themselves as "Two gay fathers meet and fall in love. Married in a Jewish wedding ceremony on June 19, 2005". Good fathers. Good people. Good read.

Do You Know Where You Were…

…when the first gay folks got married?

Today, June 16, 2008 at 5:01pm, The Gays will be able to get legally married in the State of California. There will be flowers. There will be tears. There will be happiness and joy of a previously unimaginative intensity. It has been a long time coming.

Like the gentrification of old neighborhoods, The Gays will come in and wrestle marriage from its staid trappings and make it wonderful and fabulous again. Like the fashion industry, The Gays will set a new standard in style and behavior for weddings. We will pull it up from its depressed state and make The Hets realize that Star Trek Weddings and Fat-Elvis Impersonators should be banished forever.

Once marriages are “fixed” we can move to the next step to show The Hets how things are done: Divorce.

“Scandalous divorces” happen all the time for The Hets. Right now, there’s some woman on YouTube babbling about her husband’s porn and Viagra. It’s all the rage. People are constantly talking about it. Really. They are. The question is… why?

After decades of watching Dynasty and the soaps, we understand drama. We understand shocking. We understand scandal.

And we do it so much better!

Just think of the fantastic divorces! The information flying out from each camp. The dirt. The fantastic dirt! You can practically smell it! “He told me to call him ‘my little piss pig’” or “After fisting him…”

Information will flow like the Bush White House on a witch hunt. Nothing will be sacred, including weddings. Considering the way weddings have been handled up to now will be no different today than yesterday. Fixed up or not, we will be equal… as we should be.

Size Matters

According to this dude, size really does matter, but not in the way one would think. According to his “studies”, the ideal length of a penis is 6 ¼ and 6 ½ inches, with the girth between 7 ¼ and 8 ¼ inches. He has a number of theories on penises—a hobby I can easily relate to—which can be found on his website.

I won’t tell you where I am on the chart, but I am pleased to have the nickname “Beer can.” I’m not saying, I’m just sayin’…

Note this is for the ladies to use… The Gay Boys know that there is no such thing as an unenjoyable penis—and there is no such thing as “too big”.

Guys, see where you fall on the chart:

What If…

Someone planned for a different outcome on the Hillary/Barak battle—but I don’t think all this effort should go to waste. Excellent work on the cut & paste work.

Spank Bank Friday

I couldn't decide on a pic, so I selected three for this warm weekend. With the nice weather, we should all try and get outside, find the one that inspires you. Your choices are:

The Pretty Boy*...

...The Jock...

...and The Intellectual.

Alone or all together, they are all very spankable! Have a great weekend!



*Pretty Boy also appears to be kind of douche-y. And, yet, I still like him.

Holy Sh*t!

This is awful. Disgusting, tragic, horrific, nasty, shameful, painful, sad… and a little bit funny. If you’re the sensitive type, I wouldn’t watch. The title of the page is “Jacuzi Poop”, so you pretty much know what’s coming.

Still, I didn’t expect THIS.

The poor girl. She probably thought, only a few more minutes and then I’ll tell them, “Wow, I got out of there just in time.” Instead she gets a lifetime of shame. It’s one thing have something like this happen, it’s another to have it video-tapped.

If I were her, I’d move… to another country. There is just no recovering from this. You are shamed for life. You’re a viral video that everyone will watch (well, everyone that’s watched Two Girls and a Cup).

And that Jacuzzi! Who’d ever want to sit in that again? Jacuzzi’s are pretty nasty to begin with, but I don’t think there is enough bleach in the world to make me feel comfortable enough to climb back in that. I hope that was paid off.

Spank Bank Friday

As an added bonus, a little YouTube action--Cheyenne Jackson backstage at Xanadu.

I saw this at Towleroad... "A terrycloth bathrobe could die of loneliness in this theater!"

Why, God, Why?

Why must Hollywood ruin all our memories? This looks just awful. Awful.



What did they do, take everything that was great in the original and throw it out? Go watch the original—note, I did not write “rent the original”, you should own this film. It’s a masterpiece of writing, directing, and acting.

A Lot Going On Here

Cav sent me this pic, with the subject line "There's a Lot Going On Here."

My, oh my, he is right. There certainly does seem to be a lot going on here. I'm going to guess the very happy young man is "family" (look at those glasses!) and the rather angry gentleman in the back is Secret Service.

If I were the gay guy in this picture, I must admit I would be reacting the same way. Although I would be turned about 90 degrees to my left...

Spank Bank Friday

I'm sorry, but as Spank Bank's go, I don't think the above pic goes far enough. Sure, the guys are hot, the bods are nice, and they're very cute. But it's summertime and expectations are higher. More skin needs to be shown. Still, I like the idea of having the backdrop as beautiful as the men.

If only there were a way to improve upon this...

..and there is! Behold, the same hotties, same bods, same National Park (Yosemite), but now improved by 50% more shirtlessness!


Have a sexy, shirtless weekend!

Harvey Korman


When I was a little gay boy growing up in the quaint suburbs of El Pueblo de San José de Guadalupe, playing in the Lincoln Glen Little League, I would stand in deep left field praying that the ball wouldn’t come to me… for surely I would drop it.

However, there was one other thought that came to my mind: Carol Burnett is on tonight! In the early 70’s the greatest night for television was Saturday night. All in the Family, The Jeffersons, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show and capped off with the always hysterical The Carol Burnett Show. (CBS was not too original on their titles, were they?)

Carol Burnett was by far my favorite because it was such a great show—so many great characters. I used to wait for the inevitable moment when Tim Conway and Harvey Korman would try and make each other laugh. There was that moment—that slight smile—that let the other know that they had them. And they would exploit it until the other broke character. Harvey usually played straight man to Tim’s goofiness, but every now and again, Harvey would get Tim.



And it was classic.

One of my favorite lines of all time was spoken by Harvey, in the 1974 classic Blazing Saddles: “You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor.”



Harvey Korman passed away today after a four month battle from a rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm. He was 81.

While I had not seen him on television in quite some time, I must admit I got teary-eyed when I heard of his passing. He provided many wonderful memories during my childhood and his passing pushes that time of innocence farther away.

Thank you, Harvey, for helping to fill my childhood with laughter. You will be missed.

Oh, and Harvey? When you get to heaven, be sure to “go out and do that voodoo, that you do… so WE-E-E-E-LLLL!

Spank Bank Friday

The guy in front must have an awesome ass... it certainly seems to be turning on the guy behind him! Have a great and safe Memorial Day Weekend!

6,000 Pounds


Tomorrow night is my last night working at The Bakery. I’ve spent just under a year working on my externship every Friday night/Saturday morning from Midnight until 8:00am, or so. Every night I would have to make three batches each of Buttercream and Cream Cheese frostings, as well as a batch of the Red Velvet frosting—just under 140 lbs. of frosting per shift. Multiply that out by the number of shifts and it came up to almost 6,000 pounds—that’s a lot of frosting… (and almost the weight of a female African Elephant!)

I really enjoyed my time at Sibby’s. Everyone is wonderful to work with, Rachel has been a dream of a boss—she’s smart, funny, relaxed and knows her stuff. I will miss them all terribly… but I need my weekends—downtime is important. So is sleep.

California Bear Flag

Courtesy Joe.My.God.

Nucking Futz

I can say is that these women are crazy! For those of you that worship at the Altar of Oprah, move along. For those of you who don’t worship—here’s something to make you scratch your head and go “huh?”

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Moving a One-Hundred Year-Old Church

From a new National Geographic series on Monster Moves. The opening is AWESOME.




Thanks to Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish...

Fashion Forward or Fashion Victim?

Think Twice Before Teasing a Star Wars Geek

Gotta Mail Me a Letter...
Looks like The Chairman of the Board is getting his own stamp. Cool, baby, cool...

Spank Bank Friday: Balls!


I love Rugby... oh, who am I kidding? I love Rugby players!

Weekend Fun

This past weekend, Jill and I went to see Terese Genecco (and her little big band) at the Rrazz Room in SF this weekend. What a show! She’s fantastic! What a throwback to the days of showmanship and real entertainment. I spent the entire time with a huge grin on my face.

Her little big band is bigger than most bands—seven very talented musicians. What is amazing is that her band is not the same every night. She gets her friends to join her, so it’s always changing, yet it sounded like they’ve been playing for years. Her bass player, Danny (somethingorother… I forget)*, I met when I was in New Orleans in 2006. He’s very cool—you can see him groovin’ out in the background HERE. (He's cute... but tragically straight.)

The Rrazz Room, at the Hotel Nikko, is a new space, but it’s booked by the guys same guys who booked the now defunct Plush Room. If you’re in SF and want some late-night fun—the show starts at 10:30pm—then you definitely need to go.

[UPDATE: Danny's last name is Fabricant! Ms. Genecco commented... ain't THAT a kick in the head?! And we are SO going back on the 24th! You crazy kids in the area--join us!]

[Another Update: Congratulations to Terese and Her *Little Big Band* for receiving the 2008 MAC award for best recording at the 22nd annual MAC (Manhattan Association of Cabarets & Clubs) Awards in NYC!]

This American Life

If you’re not listening to This American Life on NPR, their podcast on iTunes, or watching a whole new presentation on Showtime, you’re missing out on a fantastic experience. The stories are unique, interesting, funny, sad, and compelling—you can not hear these stories and not come away without laughing, crying, learning or sitting there slack-jawed.

Here is a funny little story from the Showtime version (with terrific animation):



And if you don't think I have a thing for Ira Glass, you're wrong. I love him something awful...

Photobombing

Photobombing is the act of ruining someone else's nice little picture. While the picture above had me laughing out loud at work, some of the others on List of The Day almost had me peeing in my pants. Absolutely hysterical. Go. Read. Laugh.

I'm going to keep this close, so when my day is really horrible, and I can't see the light through the darkness, I'll still be able to laugh my f'ing ass off.

Spank Bank Friday

James Ellis

Sanctity/Skanktity…

Here’s another one for those “sanctity of marriage” defenders: Mariah Carey married her boyfriend of two months Nick Cannon… (also known as “Who?” You know, he’s that guy that was in that drumming movie with the 7-Up Guy… no, not THAT 7-Up Guy, but the other 7-Up Guy). Two men (or women… womyn?) that have loved and supported each other for years should not get married, but two idiot celebrities can do it on a whim? Vegas already has odds of when they are going to divorce (I’m pretty confident of my prediction of September 22, 2008).

Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll sign off on the Defense of Marriage Act—including barring gays and lesbians from marriage, IF (and it’s a big fucking if…) it includes a ban on divorce for any reason whatsoever. These are the same people who believe that abortion for any reason whatsoever is murder, so if you’re going to defend marriage, then be prepared to really and truly defend it.

Considering that a number of the sponsors of the DoMA are on their second and third marriages, I feel pretty safe that no one is going to want to defend marriage quite that much…