Soapbox!

I believe I said before regarding the passing of Prop. 8, that we should continue the Christian Right's mandate of "protecting marriage" by banning divorce. Well, let's sign the petition and get it going:

In Memorium

Eartha Kitt (1927-2008)

Hero Flashback: Fred Rogers

In 1969 PBS was in danger of losing it's $20 million grant from the U.S. government. Fred Rogers went to speak before the Senate Finance Committee... he single-handedly got them the money.

If you're not in tears by the end, you're dead inside*.







*McCandless, this doesn't apply to you as we already know you have a heart of stone.

Spank Bank Friday

Bernardo Velasco... "Yes, please!"

X-mas

Hurray for cheesy Christmas displays, YouTube and cgi!

Christmastime is Here…

…happiness and cheer. Time for what the children call, their favorite time of year.

Well, Christmas is almost here and I’m about to go on vacation for two weeks. So posts will probably be sporadic at best. Why? Because I’m lazy, damnit.

Here’s a little Christmas song for you all:



And here’s something to inspire you to take on all your New Year’s Resolutions:

iYuck

There is a new App for the iPhone called iCycle. No, it has nothing to do with riding a bike... but a woman's menstrual cycle.

No, I'm not kidding.

You can put in your friend's information and it will let you know when they are on their cycle... as my office mate noted, "You do not need that to tell you when I'm on my period." Plus, the damn thing costs ten bucks!

Based on the image above, it's best to steer clear of Christina for a few days...

K-lassy!


This is Dasha Astafieva. She is Hugh Hefner’s newest girlfriend as well as the January 2009 Playmate of the Month and the Playboy 55th Anniversary Playmate. I wonder what she’s selling?

She’s not just giving away the milk, she’s throwing the whole farm at them! What ever happened to being seductive, alluring and enticing? Come to think of it, she probably has no idea what those words mean… in fact, that’s probably what the photographers were yelling out: “Dasha… be seductive… now, be alluring… er, okay… wanna try enticing? Um, how ‘bout pulling your panties back up…?”

Today, they give it all away: Britney’s shaved who-ha, Drew Barrymore flashing her boobs, Paris Hilton downing some guy’s junk… It used to be you imagined what someone looked like naked, now it’s practically forced upon us in all its natural and—almost always—unfortunate glory. When will they understand that sexy and whorish are not one in the same?

Maybe I'm just annoyed that we still have two days until Spank Bank Friday...

My love for Paul continues...

It Gets Lonely in Space

I guess I missed this episode. Something tells me I would have enjoyed it... a lot.

Gentlemen, You May Thank Me with Twenties & Fifties

CNN Health is reporting that “Fellatio May Significantly Decrease the Risk of Breast Cancer in Women”. Merry Christmas!

“But, Honey… I’m only thinking of you and your health…”

Sorry, ladies...

CORRECTION: A bunch of fun-killers have noted that this is a fake news story. Which amuses me even more because I pulled it from the Google News page. Man, was I sucked in by this (no pun intended). Next you're going to tell me that those penis growing pills don't work...

Tell Us About The Taint

Is there anyone original in the media? It’s like they follow each other around repeating the same stuff again and again and again.

On a purely childish aside: every time they say “taint” I giggle…

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Even the Secret Service are Tired of His Shit

The dude manages to get BOTH shoes off and chuck them one at a time… where was the Secret Service detail? Checking their calendars? “Less than 40 days and I’m outta here… hey, is that a shoe? Whoa… is that another one?!”

Doing Time on Spank Bank Friday

In honor of a friend whose son is having--shall we say--a slight disagreement with members of the local law enforcement, I present this special Spank Bank Friday: COPS! edition.

Not sure who any of these guys are, but I wouldn't mind sharring a cell with them... of course, only in a Falcon Video* or Chi Chi Larue Film* sort of way...

I believe this is Britney's first husband.
Keeping up with the Spears, Mr. Alexander?

Every prison needs a bitch.
"You gotta real purdy mouth, boy..."

*I'm not putting links to these... either you know them, or you don't, but I wouldn't recommend you straight guys or gals go looking for them--it could effect you in ways you never thought possible.

Been There, Ate That...

After every Thanksgiving I vow never to eat again. Ever. Then the holiday parties start and I'm stuffing myself, because I'll never eat again (I mean it this time... sort of).

I feel for this dog...

Google Me This, Batman!

I've been fascinated with the Google search feature that seems to anticipate my searches. I'm usually needing the information in a hurry--as I'm a procrastinator--so I can rarely stop and check out the other search ideas Google comes up with.

Well, a fine young man at YesButNoButYes did some research on this and found some hysterical results. I did a check to see if this was a bit of Photoshop manipulation... sure enough, it's pretty much right on.

Go on and try it. Type in...

...my ass


...my girlfriend...

...my boyfriend...

...my crotch...

seriously... If you need to search that, call a doctor.


...my cat...

I like the 7th one down... does that happen a lot?



...my dog...

I think the bottom two should be reversed...


...my fart...

LOVE the second one... and the last? Duh?

...my hand...

"My hands are bananas"? Really? Someone's done a search on that?
I looked at this again... all credit for this goes to Baierman at YesButNoButYes. I don't want to take credit for his comedic efforts. However, for the record, I did do my own searches for the images and the comments at the bottom are mine...

Airbag Rhapsody


I never knew this could happen...



I can't imagine how many times I've put myself on the very edge of this happening. My voice sucks, so I always turn up the music so loud I can't hear myself "singing." This explains why I'm almost deaf... and that my airbags have probably been stolen.

"My Wife Would Love One"



I'll bet...

Been There, Done That...

A Smattering of Spank Bank Friday

Every now and again, I stumble across a picture that makes me go all googily inside. Here are some of my recent googilies.

Let's begin with Andy Cohen, Senior V.P. at the gayest network EVER BRAVO. He hosted the season finale of one of their gayest shows EVER Flipping Out. He's adorable, has a great voice... and slightly crossed eyes. Andy is one of those guys I call "imperfect perfection": the mere fact that he has flaws makes him perfect. This is not one of his best pics, but it's one of the best quality. He's got a "really hot, but still an every guy" quality that gets the googilies googling.*

Next up we have Chris Russell who makes what I call "very, very specialized documentaries"... um, kind of a biological study of men. This is one of the rare shots of Mr. Russell with his tighty-whities on.

Jed Hill. He's pretty.

Jeffrey Beck. He's pretty... and naked.

Mauricio Camacho. I would just like the thank God for giving me eyes...**

*Not to be confused with Googling, which is a whole different kettle of fish...

**And all the members of the Academy who voted for me.

Drink up, Bitches!

Today is the 75th anniversary of the 21st Amendment to the Constitution, also known as the repeal of prohibition! So drink up, America! It’s your constitutional right.

Awkward!

I love Santa on the right... "just don't look at 'em... keep looking away and they won't notice you..."

Cat in Bucket

Funny in theory... dull as dirt in reality:

V-V-Videos

For a brief moment, I thought this was real:



Prop. 8: The Musical!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Upside uʍop


¿ʇɥƃıɹ lǝǝɟ ʇ,uop ʇsnɾ sƃuıɥʇ uǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝsoɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ǝʌɐɥ ɹǝʌǝ

Rosie's Variety Special


Did anyone see Rosie's horrific variety special the night before Thanksgiving? What a piece of shit. Seriously. Awful, awful piece of shit. There is no polite way to describe it. What a load of crap. I guess they were so excited to do this, they forgot to write the show or practice.

After Liza and Rosie started the show with a song that neither of them bothered to rehears, I thought, “It can’t get much worse…” Then Alec Baldwin brought in "the door"… the show was no longer in a decline, but a complete free-fall.

When the show finally ended, I was filled with relief. I was also stunned that no one bothered to rehearse anything. I used to think that Rosie could be entertaining in almost any setting. I was very, very wrong.

I remember the many variety specials they ran in the 60’s and 70’s. They were fun and full of talent. They faded in the 80’s and are now gone. I’d hoped that Rosie might bring back the variety special… instead, that bitch killed it.

After Thanksgiving Dance

We all need to move a little after eating too much turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, and lots and lots of pie--and here is one of my current favorite songs, Single Ladies by Beyonce. However, someone cleverly replaced her video with this bit of choreography by Gwen Verdon, Bob Fosse's wife.*





*If you don't know who either Gwen or Bob were, you're either not gay, or so young you missed out on an era where choreography was dancing, not throwing yourself all over the ground... (harrumph!)

G'Spank Bank, Mate!

Who am I to go against the powers that be at People Magazine? Hugh Jackman is the newly crowned "Sexiest Man Alive!" Below are some examples of why he's been inducted into this most distinguished lusty list:

Nice beach bod... and he's got some list-worthy friends!

Yeah... that's the stuff right there.

And he's a dad?! Now, I'm in LOVE!!!

For those of you who have not memorized the People List of Sexiest Men Alive! for the past 20 years, here's a recap:

Mel Gibson (85)
Mark Harmon (86)
Harry Hamlin (87)
John F. Kennedy, Jr. (88) *
Sean Connery (89)
Tom Cruise (90)
Patrick Swayze (91)
Nick Nolte (92)
Richard Gere (93)
Brad Pitt (95)
Denzel Washington (96)
George Clooney (97)
Harrison Ford (98)
Richard Gere (99)
Brad Pitt (00)
Pierce Brosnan (01)
Ben Affleck (02)
Johnny Depp (03)
Jude Law (04)
Matthew McConaughey (05)
George Clooney (06)
Matt Damon (07)
Hugh Jackman (08)

*Interesting stats on JFK, Jr. win: He's the only winner now deceased, is the youngest winner ever (27) and the only non-actor to win. Okay, it's not that interesting... but I love me some JFK, Jr.!

Weekend Getaway

I don't know how much posting I'll do over the next week, as I'll be on vacation--but if you want to see a cool get-a-way, check out this video of a very clever penguin!

Overdue

I don't know who David Thorne is, but he's certainly found a funny and unique way to deal with pesky overdue notices.

YouTube-atopia

Time killer! Four videos… a little something for everyone. However, the first and last are the best.


If You Like It, Then You Shoulda Put a Ring It

Some people like Beyonce, some people love Beyonce… and then there’s Shane Mercado:



I love the song and I love how Shane just puts it all out there. He was on Bonnie Hunt yesterday and he was very sweet—plus, girlfriend has got some moves. I’d mock him, but if I could dance like that, I would.

Did I mention that I friggin' LOVE this song? No? Well, I friggin' LOVE this song!


Cute Cat Break



Funny Because it’s True



Un-Freakin’-Believable!


Now, this guy has got some pipes! (and he's cute--nice combo.)
UPDATE: A killjoy friend just let me know that this isn't Corey singing the song, it's a group called Moosebutter, and Corey is just lip-syncing. Moosebutter says it's with their blessing, but it's not nearly as cool as I thought it was.

Sort of Busy...

I've been busy lately. Well, not just with work, but for my new love: Facebook! Good Lord, how did I live without it? I've created a snowman army, sent good karma to friends near and wide, found out that a friend was "wishing [she] was someplace fun!" Wow. To really get into someone's mind... amazing.

Yes, it's a bit silly, but it's incredibly addictive! I've started searching around for old friends and old crushes. They've all moved on to great things, whilst I am barely able to crank out a blog post on a daily basis without depending on YouTube to save my sorry ass. Life is fun!

Speaking of YouTube, here are today's posts of note--enjoy at will:

Toby’s New Trick…





“What’s that Boy? Billy’s Trapped in a Well?”




Those Aussies Have a Lock on Subtlety




The Wait is Over… (but it’s on again until May)


I need a cigarette after that one (AWESOME!)

Bank... Spank Bank

Bond is back, baby! Sadly, there will be no Baby Blue Bathing Suit, but 2 hours of watching gruff Daniel Craig is fine by me.




Fingers crossed for a shirtless scene!

If I saw this walking towards me, I'd probably wet my pants...

If this popped up while swimming, I wouldn't be able to get out of the water for a while...
(Just like junior high: "Uh, Coach... I think I swim another lap or two.")

Spontaneous Joy

You know, when I get bummed about the passing of Prop. 8 (see below), I have to try and remember the joy of an historic election night. Can anyone remember when there were spontaneous bursts of crowds rushing into the streets to celebrate an election? I certainly don't remember any of this happening when Bush was (kind of) elected:

No on 8 Fight Continues on…

First up, Keith Olbermann:


Second, a sad-new reality:
Third, humor and hope:

Spank Bank Friday

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the ever-spankable Ryan Reynolds.

Hell hath no fury like a Queer scorned

Well, someone has the right idea: there's now a petition to remove the tax-exempt status of the Moron Church.

Electoral Breakdown

Below is the breakdown for President by State:


Here is the same breakdown, but taking into account the population:


By county...

By county... by population:

So, if someone tries to tell you that it was really close, I think this proves it really wasn't.

(Is it just me, or does Florida in that last pic look like a throbbing dong? Yeah, it's probably just me...)

Meet Your New President

I honestly cannot remember the last time I was this excited and hopeful about the election of a president. I remember being relieved when Clinton won his second term, but this is different. This feels much better.